Welcome to "I'm a Headcase" your one stop source for all things Michael Jackson. If you are a fan of the King of Pop then stop everything you're doing and check out my exclusive memorial to MJ. There will be exlusive interviews with members of the Jackson family, a photo montage and much, much more!
Actually, that's not true at all but I figured that maybe saying all that would help drive up traffic to my blog! In actuality, there are no Michael Jackson references at all although there is a parody article about Kenny Powers from HBO's East Bound and Down joining the Philadelphia Phillies and a rant about twitter so check it out and tell all your friends!
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Kenny Powers To Join Phillies
The defending World Series champion Philadelphia Phillies are close to signing a former superstar pitcher in hopes of bolstering their title defense chances. However, contrary to published reports that pitcher will not be future Hall of Famer Pedro Martinez but rather flame throwing flameout Kenny Powers, the all star closer turned high school gym teacher.
Terms of the deal were not immediately disclosed but a high ranking team official with knowledge of the negotiations said that it would most likely be a one year incentive laden deal with a team option for a second year. The total value of the contract was expected to be around three million dollars.
"We believe that Kenny Powers is a guy who has a lot of ability left in that right arm and is somebody that can help us bring another championship to Philadelphia," Phillies General Manager Ruben Amaro, Jr. said in a statement released by the team. "We always do our due deligence and leave no stone unturned."
Or in Powers' case no donut box left unturned. Powers, whose conditioning makes David Wells look like Brock Lesnar, is not concerned about being affected by his long layoff. When reached for comment in his suburban North Carolina home, Powers said, "Look, you don't have to run the ball to home plate. How many guys has Usain Bolt struck out? Huh, how many? You tell me because I'd like to know. I bet you that he hasn't struck out anyone. Nada. No one."
Powers added, "besides I'm pretty sure I could get more people out than Jamie Moyer. That guy is older than dirt. Even April throws harder than him."
It is believed that several other teams were also in the bidding for Powers' services including the New York Mets. When Mets General Manager Omar Minaya was asked recently if the team was interested in Powers Minaya replied, "Of course, we are always looking for Powers. With Beltran, Delgado and Reyes all out of the lineup right now we could use some more Powers. You know what I'm saying?"
It's also been rumored that the Washington Nationals were interested due to their long standing team tradition to have at least one player with a mullet on the team at all times. Although to save money the team might just ask thirdbaseman Ryan Zimmerman to wear a Kenny Powers wig.
A press conference has been scheduled for Monday. While certainly an unorthodox signing it is not without precedent. Earlier this year the Pittsburgh Pirates signed two pitchers from India after they appeared on the reality tv game show "Million Dollar Arm" and Josh Hamilton returned after a three year drug related absence to become an all star. If nothing else this signing shows that Major League teams will go to great lengths to find the best talent available.
Terms of the deal were not immediately disclosed but a high ranking team official with knowledge of the negotiations said that it would most likely be a one year incentive laden deal with a team option for a second year. The total value of the contract was expected to be around three million dollars.
"We believe that Kenny Powers is a guy who has a lot of ability left in that right arm and is somebody that can help us bring another championship to Philadelphia," Phillies General Manager Ruben Amaro, Jr. said in a statement released by the team. "We always do our due deligence and leave no stone unturned."
Or in Powers' case no donut box left unturned. Powers, whose conditioning makes David Wells look like Brock Lesnar, is not concerned about being affected by his long layoff. When reached for comment in his suburban North Carolina home, Powers said, "Look, you don't have to run the ball to home plate. How many guys has Usain Bolt struck out? Huh, how many? You tell me because I'd like to know. I bet you that he hasn't struck out anyone. Nada. No one."
Powers added, "besides I'm pretty sure I could get more people out than Jamie Moyer. That guy is older than dirt. Even April throws harder than him."
It is believed that several other teams were also in the bidding for Powers' services including the New York Mets. When Mets General Manager Omar Minaya was asked recently if the team was interested in Powers Minaya replied, "Of course, we are always looking for Powers. With Beltran, Delgado and Reyes all out of the lineup right now we could use some more Powers. You know what I'm saying?"
It's also been rumored that the Washington Nationals were interested due to their long standing team tradition to have at least one player with a mullet on the team at all times. Although to save money the team might just ask thirdbaseman Ryan Zimmerman to wear a Kenny Powers wig.
A press conference has been scheduled for Monday. While certainly an unorthodox signing it is not without precedent. Earlier this year the Pittsburgh Pirates signed two pitchers from India after they appeared on the reality tv game show "Million Dollar Arm" and Josh Hamilton returned after a three year drug related absence to become an all star. If nothing else this signing shows that Major League teams will go to great lengths to find the best talent available.
Things You May Have Missed
I almost can't believe that it's been 9 months since my last post! From someone who use to post every single day that feels like an eternity. A lot has happened since then most of which I can't disclose on here but here's a look at a few things that I can.
- I'm currently in the process of developing a one man comedy show. And no Brian it's not called a one man show because it's about my sex life.
- I finally got laid!!! .... off that is. It came as quite the shock to me. Now I know how the Patriots felt losing the Super Bowl to the Giants 2 years ago. But luckily for me I was soon rehired by the same company! I guess I must have made a good impression.
- I signed up for a Bikram Yoga class. I was hoping that I would be the only guy in a room full of hot girls. Instead I was the only guy in a room full of senior citizens.
- I entered into a summer long decathlon with my ultra competitive friend Jen after she beat me in bowling. The 2nd event was mini golf and I had a one stroke lead going into the last hole. So of course I went out and got a 7 on the last hole. That's almost as bad as when I walked 8 batters in a row during the last inning of a softball championship game to blow a 5 run lead.
- I bought the "Iron Gym" in an attempt to work out without having to go the gym. But after spending an hour trying to assemble the damn thing I was too tired to actually use it.
- My sister graduated from MIT. She now has a doctorate on top of a masters degree. In related news I took "the which Lost character are you most like" quiz on facebook with the result Jack Shephard.
- I'm currently in the process of developing a one man comedy show. And no Brian it's not called a one man show because it's about my sex life.
- I finally got laid!!! .... off that is. It came as quite the shock to me. Now I know how the Patriots felt losing the Super Bowl to the Giants 2 years ago. But luckily for me I was soon rehired by the same company! I guess I must have made a good impression.
- I signed up for a Bikram Yoga class. I was hoping that I would be the only guy in a room full of hot girls. Instead I was the only guy in a room full of senior citizens.
- I entered into a summer long decathlon with my ultra competitive friend Jen after she beat me in bowling. The 2nd event was mini golf and I had a one stroke lead going into the last hole. So of course I went out and got a 7 on the last hole. That's almost as bad as when I walked 8 batters in a row during the last inning of a softball championship game to blow a 5 run lead.
- I bought the "Iron Gym" in an attempt to work out without having to go the gym. But after spending an hour trying to assemble the damn thing I was too tired to actually use it.
- My sister graduated from MIT. She now has a doctorate on top of a masters degree. In related news I took "the which Lost character are you most like" quiz on facebook with the result Jack Shephard.
Hey! You stole my idea!
The other day I went on a date (yea, that's right) to the South Street Seaport and we wound up going to this new beachfront area that they designed. And by beachfront I mean a giant sand box with picnic benches and a bar. Oh, and a 7 hole mini-golf course that looks like something you could have made in your backyard with left over pizza boxes and beer cans. It's actually a cool spot and a really good idea. The only problem is that they stole it from me!!!
The idea of putting an artificial, man made beach in major metropolitan areas is something that I came up with three years ago! Although I would have made a much larger beach complete with a wave pool.
A part of me is glad that someone thought to implement this "water taxi beach". But then again another part of me is jealous that I didn't get to do it. I have a whole book of ideas that I'm just dying to implement but the only problem is that I don't even know where to get started. I don't have the time or money to patent all of the ideas or really to sit down and develop them to the point of implentation. I know this sounds like sour grapes and I apologize for that but I just wanted to vent because it's frustrating that all of my ideas are getting stolen!
I can't even go to the movies anymore without seeing something that I thought of. Everyone loved the Hangover and rightfully so. Except for the fact that my friend and I thought of it 3 years ago. It was going to be called Guys Night Out. I give the guys behind the Hangover props because they came up with some funny scenarios that we would have never thought of such as the whole Mike Tyson singing cameo. But our plot and twist ending was 10000x better.
I guess I should use these examples as motivation to actually start pursuing the implentation of some of my ideas. After all, there's solid proof out there that I have good ideas that people would be receptive to. But then again I'm not sure I really want to waste all my free time developing athiestdate.com.
Come on, you could do better than that!
The idea of putting an artificial, man made beach in major metropolitan areas is something that I came up with three years ago! Although I would have made a much larger beach complete with a wave pool.
A part of me is glad that someone thought to implement this "water taxi beach". But then again another part of me is jealous that I didn't get to do it. I have a whole book of ideas that I'm just dying to implement but the only problem is that I don't even know where to get started. I don't have the time or money to patent all of the ideas or really to sit down and develop them to the point of implentation. I know this sounds like sour grapes and I apologize for that but I just wanted to vent because it's frustrating that all of my ideas are getting stolen!
I can't even go to the movies anymore without seeing something that I thought of. Everyone loved the Hangover and rightfully so. Except for the fact that my friend and I thought of it 3 years ago. It was going to be called Guys Night Out. I give the guys behind the Hangover props because they came up with some funny scenarios that we would have never thought of such as the whole Mike Tyson singing cameo. But our plot and twist ending was 10000x better.
I guess I should use these examples as motivation to actually start pursuing the implentation of some of my ideas. After all, there's solid proof out there that I have good ideas that people would be receptive to. But then again I'm not sure I really want to waste all my free time developing athiestdate.com.
Come on, you could do better than that!
Shame(s) on You: Twitter Dee, Twitter Dumb
Twitter me this, twitter me that. What's a complete waste of time? It's twitter!
I'll be the first to admit that I'm not exactly the standard bearer of cool. I know that may be hard for some people to fathom but it's true. I'm not a trend setter by any stretch of the imagination and I was never the first kid on my block to get anything except for maybe chicken pox. So it should come as no surprise when I tell you that I haven't gotten into the whole twitter craze yet.
It's possible that I could get into it at some point. Traditionally I've been very slow to adapt to change. My video game system of choice is still Nintendo. But unless I'm misstaken there's really no point to Twitter. Is it just me or isn't a tweet the same as just posting a status update on your facebook page? Did they really just take one aspect of a social networking site and make a whole new site? What's next tag.com where you can only post and comment on pictures?
I do have to admit that there is one cool aspect of Twitter and that's the access that you gain into the personal lives of celebrities. Hearing Lance Armstrong talk about the Tour de France while it's going on is pretty cool. As would be hearing Chad Ochocinco talk about the football game he's playing in at halftime or Shaq discussing his thoughts on getting traded to Cleveland. I almost want to join just to find out what Brittany Snow had for breakfast.
But ultimately is there really a point to any of this? Just look at what happend with Myspace. A few years ago it was the thing to do and now it's only used by club promoters and pedophiles. By the time I do get around to joining Twitter we'll probably be onto some new craze. I think I'll wait this one out and take my chances that something better comes along. Tag.com anyone?
I'll be the first to admit that I'm not exactly the standard bearer of cool. I know that may be hard for some people to fathom but it's true. I'm not a trend setter by any stretch of the imagination and I was never the first kid on my block to get anything except for maybe chicken pox. So it should come as no surprise when I tell you that I haven't gotten into the whole twitter craze yet.
It's possible that I could get into it at some point. Traditionally I've been very slow to adapt to change. My video game system of choice is still Nintendo. But unless I'm misstaken there's really no point to Twitter. Is it just me or isn't a tweet the same as just posting a status update on your facebook page? Did they really just take one aspect of a social networking site and make a whole new site? What's next tag.com where you can only post and comment on pictures?
I do have to admit that there is one cool aspect of Twitter and that's the access that you gain into the personal lives of celebrities. Hearing Lance Armstrong talk about the Tour de France while it's going on is pretty cool. As would be hearing Chad Ochocinco talk about the football game he's playing in at halftime or Shaq discussing his thoughts on getting traded to Cleveland. I almost want to join just to find out what Brittany Snow had for breakfast.
But ultimately is there really a point to any of this? Just look at what happend with Myspace. A few years ago it was the thing to do and now it's only used by club promoters and pedophiles. By the time I do get around to joining Twitter we'll probably be onto some new craze. I think I'll wait this one out and take my chances that something better comes along. Tag.com anyone?
The End of Excess
I don't want this to come out the wrong way, but there's a part of me that's glad that we're going through these tough economic times. I know how that sounds and believe me I'm not trying to be insensitive towards anyone whose out of work or has been adversely affected by what's going on. I know first hand what it's like having recently been laid off myself.
But with that having been said there's some good that can come out of this. I mean did we really need a Starbuck on literally every street corner? Did we really need 27 newsstands in Penn Station? If the long term affect of this economic crisis is that we downsize our supersized culture into something more reasonable is that so bad?
In my home town of Oceanside there are 13 pizzerias and 6 pharmacies!!! Think about that for a second. We have 6 places where you can go out in the middle of the night and buy nose drops if you have a stuffed nose. Would it really be so bad if there were only 2 or 3 places that sold nose drops? Sure that would really suck for the employees of those other 3 stores but I'm sure they could find something else to do in time.
Instead of fretting about how bad the economy is we should be using this as an opportunity to reevaluate the way our society is set up. We've wasted so much time building unnecessary things that we've lost sight of what's really important. Real life isn't the Sims. You can't just build something and then hit the undo button. There are real consequences to what you do out here. And we need to do a better job of maximizing our resources and building things that we actually need.
Some cities have started to get that message turning abandoned stripped malls into community centers. But there's a lot more work than needs to occur. And it's about time that we did something about it. That new shopping center can wait.
But with that having been said there's some good that can come out of this. I mean did we really need a Starbuck on literally every street corner? Did we really need 27 newsstands in Penn Station? If the long term affect of this economic crisis is that we downsize our supersized culture into something more reasonable is that so bad?
In my home town of Oceanside there are 13 pizzerias and 6 pharmacies!!! Think about that for a second. We have 6 places where you can go out in the middle of the night and buy nose drops if you have a stuffed nose. Would it really be so bad if there were only 2 or 3 places that sold nose drops? Sure that would really suck for the employees of those other 3 stores but I'm sure they could find something else to do in time.
Instead of fretting about how bad the economy is we should be using this as an opportunity to reevaluate the way our society is set up. We've wasted so much time building unnecessary things that we've lost sight of what's really important. Real life isn't the Sims. You can't just build something and then hit the undo button. There are real consequences to what you do out here. And we need to do a better job of maximizing our resources and building things that we actually need.
Some cities have started to get that message turning abandoned stripped malls into community centers. But there's a lot more work than needs to occur. And it's about time that we did something about it. That new shopping center can wait.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Issue #6
I'm too lazy to come up with issue #5, part two so instead I'm just going to move on to issue #6 which quite frankly might be my best issue ever. I mean how can it not be when it features a video that blames me for Barack Obama losing the election and the return of Nushuffle.com!!!! Plus a whole lot more from Halloween costume ideas to scathing editorials. Be sure to check it all out and as always let me know what you think.
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