I'm always saying crazy things that make you shake your head. One of the best things that was ever said to me was by today's birthday girl, Leigh, who once said, "Craig, you make my head hurt." So, in honor of Leigh on her birthday here are some famous brain cramps as forwarded to me by my Aunt Giselle last week. Enjoy:
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kid all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
--Brooke Shields
"I''ve never had major knee surgery on any other par of my body,"
--Winston Bennett
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC
"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
--Dan Quayle
"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -
-Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
Monday, June 05, 2006
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Girlfriend of the Week: Evangeline Lilly
I bet you were all wondering what I was going to blog about now that Lost is over. Well, the answer is: Lost. That's because over the next few weeks I'm going to choose my favorite castaways as my girlfriends of the week.
Up first is the lead actress on the show, Evangeline Lilly, who plays Kate, a former convict who finds herself in the middle of a love triangle between Jack, the the good guy doctor, and Sawyer, the bad guy con artist. All this while actually dating a third character, Charlie, in real life. The weird part about that is that Jack's name on Party of Five was Charlie. (Real name, Matthew Fox) Confused?
Well you should be. This is Lost we're talking about after all.
Coming next week: Emilie de Ravin.
Up first is the lead actress on the show, Evangeline Lilly, who plays Kate, a former convict who finds herself in the middle of a love triangle between Jack, the the good guy doctor, and Sawyer, the bad guy con artist. All this while actually dating a third character, Charlie, in real life. The weird part about that is that Jack's name on Party of Five was Charlie. (Real name, Matthew Fox) Confused?
Well you should be. This is Lost we're talking about after all.
Coming next week: Emilie de Ravin.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Week In Review
Random thoughts from the last week:
I know this is going to sound crazy but I think that when I wear sunglasses it affects my hearing. My theory is that when you have one of your senses taken away from you one of your other senses will be enhanced. In my case that's having really bad eyesight on a day to day basis. What that does is enhance my hearing. However, when I wear sunglasses my eyesight gets better and as a result my hearing gets worse.
When talking on the phone why do people say I'll let you go when it's really them who want to go?
Is it me or is the prerequisite for having a hit song having the word 'pieces' in it? Seriously I think that word is in more songs than Michael Jackson is in punchlines to jokes.
I'm thinking about posting an annoying Myspace bulletin telling people to stop posting annoying Myspace bulletins.
I think that everyone is really nine months older than they really are if you include the time they are in the womb. Which means that in 2 months I'm going to be 25!
Stuff magazine had the line of the week for making a Wanted Poster for Howie Mandel that said, "wanted for: bring crappy game shows back to prime time, cavorting with a mysterios 'banker' and single-handedly resurrecting the gay genie look."
Do you think that there is someone out there who is so homophobic that they would refuse to eat a bowl of Pasta e Fagioli?
I know this is going to sound crazy but I think that when I wear sunglasses it affects my hearing. My theory is that when you have one of your senses taken away from you one of your other senses will be enhanced. In my case that's having really bad eyesight on a day to day basis. What that does is enhance my hearing. However, when I wear sunglasses my eyesight gets better and as a result my hearing gets worse.
When talking on the phone why do people say I'll let you go when it's really them who want to go?
Is it me or is the prerequisite for having a hit song having the word 'pieces' in it? Seriously I think that word is in more songs than Michael Jackson is in punchlines to jokes.
I'm thinking about posting an annoying Myspace bulletin telling people to stop posting annoying Myspace bulletins.
I think that everyone is really nine months older than they really are if you include the time they are in the womb. Which means that in 2 months I'm going to be 25!
Stuff magazine had the line of the week for making a Wanted Poster for Howie Mandel that said, "wanted for: bring crappy game shows back to prime time, cavorting with a mysterios 'banker' and single-handedly resurrecting the gay genie look."
Do you think that there is someone out there who is so homophobic that they would refuse to eat a bowl of Pasta e Fagioli?
Friday, June 02, 2006
Weekly Twilight Zone Update
If you still don't believe that I've been living in the Twilight Zone the last few months these examples will surely change your mind:
Tuesday at work I was wondering when the leading vote getters for the MLB all star game would be announced and sure enough the tallies were released later that night. Come on now, what are the odds that something as random as MLB all star game voting totals would get announced on the same day that I was thinking about it? Especially when it's not something that I have ever thought of before nor ever will think of again.
Over the weekend there were two instances when of all things the movie Wayne's World came up in conversation. First on Friday night with Brian and then on Monday at lunch with Tommy, Justin, Melanie, and Angie. Of course that could only mean one thing. And as was to be expected it was on HBO on Wednesday night. What a movie that's over ten years old would be doing on HBO on a random weeknight in 2006 is beyond me. But certainly not beyond the Twilight Zone.
Sunday on the way to Clearwater beach we played the game Twenty Questions. Which by the way is probably the first time in my life that I have ever played it. Which could only mean one thing. That there would be a twenty questions reference at some point this week. And it occurred Tuesday at work while listening to a Dane Cook comedy rant on iTunes. Which is doubly eerie since Brian and I are writing a movie and we want to have Dane Cook play one of the lead roles.
During the week I was reminscing with Brian and we were talking about the time he and Russell jumped out of my car to scare me and Katie. Well, Thursday night on the Daily Show Jon Stewart made a joke about NSA wire tapping saying in his President Bush voice that wire tapping isn't like peeking in the window while your sister is getting changed. Rather it's more like hiding in your car and jumping out at you when you enter it.
And lastly I was thinking about the Big Bang Theory and the origins of the Universe over the weekend because I'm weird like that and then at work on Wednesday and Thursday I came across two scientific textbooks covering the Big Bang Theory. Now I usually think about things like the Big Bang Theory but it had been a while since the last time I did so the fact that I would come across it at work just days after I started thinking about it again is what blows my mind. Hey, at least something of mine is getting blown these days.
Tuesday at work I was wondering when the leading vote getters for the MLB all star game would be announced and sure enough the tallies were released later that night. Come on now, what are the odds that something as random as MLB all star game voting totals would get announced on the same day that I was thinking about it? Especially when it's not something that I have ever thought of before nor ever will think of again.
Over the weekend there were two instances when of all things the movie Wayne's World came up in conversation. First on Friday night with Brian and then on Monday at lunch with Tommy, Justin, Melanie, and Angie. Of course that could only mean one thing. And as was to be expected it was on HBO on Wednesday night. What a movie that's over ten years old would be doing on HBO on a random weeknight in 2006 is beyond me. But certainly not beyond the Twilight Zone.
Sunday on the way to Clearwater beach we played the game Twenty Questions. Which by the way is probably the first time in my life that I have ever played it. Which could only mean one thing. That there would be a twenty questions reference at some point this week. And it occurred Tuesday at work while listening to a Dane Cook comedy rant on iTunes. Which is doubly eerie since Brian and I are writing a movie and we want to have Dane Cook play one of the lead roles.
During the week I was reminscing with Brian and we were talking about the time he and Russell jumped out of my car to scare me and Katie. Well, Thursday night on the Daily Show Jon Stewart made a joke about NSA wire tapping saying in his President Bush voice that wire tapping isn't like peeking in the window while your sister is getting changed. Rather it's more like hiding in your car and jumping out at you when you enter it.
And lastly I was thinking about the Big Bang Theory and the origins of the Universe over the weekend because I'm weird like that and then at work on Wednesday and Thursday I came across two scientific textbooks covering the Big Bang Theory. Now I usually think about things like the Big Bang Theory but it had been a while since the last time I did so the fact that I would come across it at work just days after I started thinking about it again is what blows my mind. Hey, at least something of mine is getting blown these days.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Hurricane Season Is Here!
Hurricane season is officially upon us and that can only mean one thing: I just shitted myself. Now I'm not worried about the devastating affects that Mother Nature can stir up. Sustained winds of 150 mph, flash floods, and storm surges are like a walk in the park to me. I could care less about that stuff or potential damage to my car, apartment, and personal affects.
Rather there are two things that I'm worried about:
1. Having a hurricane knock out the power and take out my ability to blog. Now that would be a tragedy if I ever saw one. After blogging for over one year straight I may finally miss a day and that is unacceptable. So much so that I'm actually thinking about moving back to New York before the first hurricane hits landfall this summer.
2. Having a hurricane cancel softball games. This could happen in one of two ways. Either rainbands from a distant hurricane cause the cancellation of any one game. Or a hurricane that hits Broward County damages the fields and cancels the whole season. Now that would truly be disastrous since that's my only chance to meet girls right now. And without softball I would have to rejoin Jdate. And we just can't have that.
Rather there are two things that I'm worried about:
1. Having a hurricane knock out the power and take out my ability to blog. Now that would be a tragedy if I ever saw one. After blogging for over one year straight I may finally miss a day and that is unacceptable. So much so that I'm actually thinking about moving back to New York before the first hurricane hits landfall this summer.
2. Having a hurricane cancel softball games. This could happen in one of two ways. Either rainbands from a distant hurricane cause the cancellation of any one game. Or a hurricane that hits Broward County damages the fields and cancels the whole season. Now that would truly be disastrous since that's my only chance to meet girls right now. And without softball I would have to rejoin Jdate. And we just can't have that.
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