In trying to decide who to pick this week as my girlfriend of the week I was originally thinking something football related in honor of the NFL draft this weekend. As such, I was thinking of Miami Dolphins cheerleaders, Jessica Simpson since her ex hangs out with new Cardinals QB Matt Leinart, or even celebrities that have dated Giants TE Jeremy Shockey such as party girl Tara Reid.
In the end though I chose Eva Longoria, who has nothing to do with football at all, after seeing her new movie The Sentinel on Saturday night. It was a pretty good movie, one part The Fugitive, two parts 24. With Eva thrown in for eye candy and sexual jokes.
Fittingly, I also chose Eva in a week in which I actually felt like a desperate housewife since I was home all week doing laundry and cleaning. Thankfully, I now have a job and won't have to wait around for the mail to come all day while watching soap operas.
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Week In Review
Random thoughts from the last week:
Why would Delta keep it's name brand which was losing money and get rid of Song which was actually profitable? That makes about as much sense as having a lock on the door at 7-11.
Why is it called Madison Square Garden if the building is round?
Even more reason to love Natalie Portman. According to Stuff Magazine she once dropped $10,000 on her boyfriend at Scores. I guess she was doing research for her role in Closer.
Rob Rathbun had the line of the week when in response to me getting Manny Ramirez in a trade for two scrubs he said, "who'd you trade with? Terry Schaivo?"
What's up with Sharmin Ultra and other two ply toilet paper? They make it sound so great saying that you are getting the equivalent of 12 rolls for a six pack since there's so much more of it. But if you think about it that's just clever marketing. In actuality it goes twice as fast!
I'm surprised that someone in South Florida hasn't come up with the nickname Sun Sentanal for the newspaper the Sun Sentinel since it stinks so much.
Even more proof that I'm living in the Twilight Zone: Wednesday night I talked with Brian about House. He said I would like the show and I argued that I wouldn't because I hate Hugh Laurie. Then on Thursday in the gas station I saw on the newstand the cover of TV Guide with Hugh Laurie on it. And that's not even the weird part. The weird part is that the headline read, "The man you love to hate." Come on now. It's starting to get really weird.
Speaking of weird. You might think it's weird that I still have a Mr. Potatoe head doll in my room. What's weirder though is that the other day when getting up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night I tried to put on his glasses because I thought they were my own. Man, I really need to get a night light.
What's up with Vernon Davis crying on draft day? This is a 6 foot 3, 340 pound man beast who set bench press records at Maryland, declared himself the best tight end in the NFL before he even played one snap, and told the Jets that they would be stupid for passing him up. And then he goes out and cries on draft day! What a little bitch. I think that if you cry during the draft you shouldn't be allow to play in the NFL.
Why would Delta keep it's name brand which was losing money and get rid of Song which was actually profitable? That makes about as much sense as having a lock on the door at 7-11.
Why is it called Madison Square Garden if the building is round?
Even more reason to love Natalie Portman. According to Stuff Magazine she once dropped $10,000 on her boyfriend at Scores. I guess she was doing research for her role in Closer.
Rob Rathbun had the line of the week when in response to me getting Manny Ramirez in a trade for two scrubs he said, "who'd you trade with? Terry Schaivo?"
What's up with Sharmin Ultra and other two ply toilet paper? They make it sound so great saying that you are getting the equivalent of 12 rolls for a six pack since there's so much more of it. But if you think about it that's just clever marketing. In actuality it goes twice as fast!
I'm surprised that someone in South Florida hasn't come up with the nickname Sun Sentanal for the newspaper the Sun Sentinel since it stinks so much.
Even more proof that I'm living in the Twilight Zone: Wednesday night I talked with Brian about House. He said I would like the show and I argued that I wouldn't because I hate Hugh Laurie. Then on Thursday in the gas station I saw on the newstand the cover of TV Guide with Hugh Laurie on it. And that's not even the weird part. The weird part is that the headline read, "The man you love to hate." Come on now. It's starting to get really weird.
Speaking of weird. You might think it's weird that I still have a Mr. Potatoe head doll in my room. What's weirder though is that the other day when getting up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night I tried to put on his glasses because I thought they were my own. Man, I really need to get a night light.
What's up with Vernon Davis crying on draft day? This is a 6 foot 3, 340 pound man beast who set bench press records at Maryland, declared himself the best tight end in the NFL before he even played one snap, and told the Jets that they would be stupid for passing him up. And then he goes out and cries on draft day! What a little bitch. I think that if you cry during the draft you shouldn't be allow to play in the NFL.
Friday, April 28, 2006
2006 NFL Mock Draft
Do you feel that? Maybe you should get a blanket. Because I feel a draft coming on! Here are my predictions for the most exciting day in sports.
1. Texans - The Texans don't need Reggie Bush so don't be surprised if they take DE Mario Williams here but in the end Bush is just too good to pass up and should be the pick here.
2. Saints - If Bush is still here the Saints take him. If not it's possible that they could trade down to a team that needs a QB but assuming they keep the pick they'll take Super Mario Williams. No word yet if Williams comes with Luigi.
3. Titans - This is the pick that affects everything. The Titans coaching staff favors Matt Leinart and if they take him Vince Young could fall in the draft. The front office favors Young though and then it could be D'Brickashaw Ferguson that falls. This is truly the wild card in the draft but I think that after some deliberation the Titans take Leinart because of Offensive Coordinator Norm Chow's influence.
4. Jets - With Young still on the board the Jets will take the local kid, D'Brickashaw Ferguson, to anchor their offensive line. And then the boo birds will unmercifully unload on the Jets like never before. This is going to be great. If you're going I hope you bring your riot gear!
5. Packers - It's a shame the Packers took Aaron Rodgers last year because this could have been the spot for Young. Since they have Rodgers and a horrible defense they are most likely going to take Ohio State LB A.J. Hawk.
6. 49ers - They need one of everything so they should just take the best available player which in this case is playmaking TE Vernon Davis from Maryland. Let's just hope they also go out and acquire a muzzle on day two.
7. Raiders - The Raiders then get the steal of the draft as Vince Young falls into their laps. They get the franchise quarterback they need and don't even have to trade up to get him.
8. Bills - The Bills are in a great spot because they will likely get a great defensive player in this spot and will probably select Brodrick Bunkley a dominant defensive tackle from Florida State.
9. Lions - The Lions desperately need defensive players after 3 straight years of taking wide receivers and will get a great boost to their secondary by picking S Michael Huff
10. Cardinals - Arizona made a great pickup in the offseason in getting star running back Edgerrin James. Now they need to address the QB position and picking Vanderbilt's Jay Cutler would be a great pick in this spot.
11. Rams - St. Louis should go defense and if that's the case the best available player is Florida State's Kamerion Wimbley.
12. Browns - With Romeo Crennel at the helm you know the Browns are also going defense with their pick and will probably take a cornerback. If that's the case I can see them taking the ultra talented Antonio Cromartie even though it's a little bit of a reach.
13. Ravens - The Ravens will be keeping their fingers crossed hoping that the Browns dont' take run stuffing DT Haloti Ngata with the pick before them. If he's still on the board the Ravens will take him to make sure that they have a big body to free up LB Ray Lewis to roam free in space.
14. Eagles - Philly needs playmakers on offense with Terrell Owens gone but with no good receivers in this draft they should pick defense and take a speed linebacker in Ernie Sims to help them out.
15. Broncos - DeAngelo Williams will be tempting but Chad Jackson will be their man since they are in desperate need of a WR to groom as Rod Smith's replacement.
16. Dolphins - The suspension of Ricky Williams could mean they go RB but from what I hear they are planning on taking anything but a RB. Which means they'll go offensive line and lock up USC's Winston Justice as a cornerstone left tackle.
17. Vikings - Minnesota has a decent defense so I think they will go offense and this could be the perfect fit for Memphis running back DeAngelo Williams who can use the Metrodome turf to compliment his speed.
18. Cowboys - The Cowboys on the other hand will definitely go defense and lock up pass rusher Manny Lawson to go opposite last year's top pick DeMarcus Ware.
19. Chargers - The Chargers need a WR and could take Santonio Holmes but I think it's more likely they go secondary and take the dynamic Tye Hill of Clemson.
20. Chiefs - KC desperately needs a playmaking WR and would love to get Ohio State WR Santonio Holmes.
21. Patriots - With Hill and Holmes gone the Patriots will likely stay in the secondary and take Tennessee tweener Jason Allen.
22. 49ers - They need defense even more than a crack whore needs a hit and should take Iowa LB Chad Greenway to help make up for the loss of Peterson.
23. Bucaneers - The Bucs have a solid team and will look to protect young QB Chris Simms with OT Marcus O'Neill from Auburn. They could also go defense and get an eventual replacement for DE Simeon Rice.
24. Bengals - With Marvin Lewis making the pick they could go defense but it wouldn't surprise me if they shore up the TE position and take UCLA's Marcedes Lewis to shore up that position.
25. Giants - Even though they just signed LB Lavar Arrington it's such a position of need that they could take another one. If they do it should be Ohio State's Bobby Carpenter.
26. Bears - Chicago will likely go defense with this pick and take CB Jimmy Williams.
27. Panthers - If USC Rb Lendale White is still on the board the Panthers would have to take him here since he fits their running style perfectly.
28. Jaguars - The Jaguars secondary was exposed last year so I would expect that they would take S Donte Whitner in this spot.
29. Jets - Despite taking an offensive lineman earlier on they could take another in this spot but I think it's more likely they take Curtis Martin's replacement and take Minnesota RB Laurence Maroney.
30. Colts - They need a replacement for James and could trade up or hope Maroney falls to them. If the draft comes together the way I have predicted they could take Alabama Lb DeMeco Ryans.
31. Seahawks - I can see Seattle taking an offensive lineman to replace Hutchinson who went to Minnesota. In that case their pick will be Oklahoma guard Davin Joseph.
32. Steelers - The Steelers need a running back but I doubt any will be on the board for them so they probably go defense and take South Carolina cb Jonathan Joseph.
1. Texans - The Texans don't need Reggie Bush so don't be surprised if they take DE Mario Williams here but in the end Bush is just too good to pass up and should be the pick here.
2. Saints - If Bush is still here the Saints take him. If not it's possible that they could trade down to a team that needs a QB but assuming they keep the pick they'll take Super Mario Williams. No word yet if Williams comes with Luigi.
3. Titans - This is the pick that affects everything. The Titans coaching staff favors Matt Leinart and if they take him Vince Young could fall in the draft. The front office favors Young though and then it could be D'Brickashaw Ferguson that falls. This is truly the wild card in the draft but I think that after some deliberation the Titans take Leinart because of Offensive Coordinator Norm Chow's influence.
4. Jets - With Young still on the board the Jets will take the local kid, D'Brickashaw Ferguson, to anchor their offensive line. And then the boo birds will unmercifully unload on the Jets like never before. This is going to be great. If you're going I hope you bring your riot gear!
5. Packers - It's a shame the Packers took Aaron Rodgers last year because this could have been the spot for Young. Since they have Rodgers and a horrible defense they are most likely going to take Ohio State LB A.J. Hawk.
6. 49ers - They need one of everything so they should just take the best available player which in this case is playmaking TE Vernon Davis from Maryland. Let's just hope they also go out and acquire a muzzle on day two.
7. Raiders - The Raiders then get the steal of the draft as Vince Young falls into their laps. They get the franchise quarterback they need and don't even have to trade up to get him.
8. Bills - The Bills are in a great spot because they will likely get a great defensive player in this spot and will probably select Brodrick Bunkley a dominant defensive tackle from Florida State.
9. Lions - The Lions desperately need defensive players after 3 straight years of taking wide receivers and will get a great boost to their secondary by picking S Michael Huff
10. Cardinals - Arizona made a great pickup in the offseason in getting star running back Edgerrin James. Now they need to address the QB position and picking Vanderbilt's Jay Cutler would be a great pick in this spot.
11. Rams - St. Louis should go defense and if that's the case the best available player is Florida State's Kamerion Wimbley.
12. Browns - With Romeo Crennel at the helm you know the Browns are also going defense with their pick and will probably take a cornerback. If that's the case I can see them taking the ultra talented Antonio Cromartie even though it's a little bit of a reach.
13. Ravens - The Ravens will be keeping their fingers crossed hoping that the Browns dont' take run stuffing DT Haloti Ngata with the pick before them. If he's still on the board the Ravens will take him to make sure that they have a big body to free up LB Ray Lewis to roam free in space.
14. Eagles - Philly needs playmakers on offense with Terrell Owens gone but with no good receivers in this draft they should pick defense and take a speed linebacker in Ernie Sims to help them out.
15. Broncos - DeAngelo Williams will be tempting but Chad Jackson will be their man since they are in desperate need of a WR to groom as Rod Smith's replacement.
16. Dolphins - The suspension of Ricky Williams could mean they go RB but from what I hear they are planning on taking anything but a RB. Which means they'll go offensive line and lock up USC's Winston Justice as a cornerstone left tackle.
17. Vikings - Minnesota has a decent defense so I think they will go offense and this could be the perfect fit for Memphis running back DeAngelo Williams who can use the Metrodome turf to compliment his speed.
18. Cowboys - The Cowboys on the other hand will definitely go defense and lock up pass rusher Manny Lawson to go opposite last year's top pick DeMarcus Ware.
19. Chargers - The Chargers need a WR and could take Santonio Holmes but I think it's more likely they go secondary and take the dynamic Tye Hill of Clemson.
20. Chiefs - KC desperately needs a playmaking WR and would love to get Ohio State WR Santonio Holmes.
21. Patriots - With Hill and Holmes gone the Patriots will likely stay in the secondary and take Tennessee tweener Jason Allen.
22. 49ers - They need defense even more than a crack whore needs a hit and should take Iowa LB Chad Greenway to help make up for the loss of Peterson.
23. Bucaneers - The Bucs have a solid team and will look to protect young QB Chris Simms with OT Marcus O'Neill from Auburn. They could also go defense and get an eventual replacement for DE Simeon Rice.
24. Bengals - With Marvin Lewis making the pick they could go defense but it wouldn't surprise me if they shore up the TE position and take UCLA's Marcedes Lewis to shore up that position.
25. Giants - Even though they just signed LB Lavar Arrington it's such a position of need that they could take another one. If they do it should be Ohio State's Bobby Carpenter.
26. Bears - Chicago will likely go defense with this pick and take CB Jimmy Williams.
27. Panthers - If USC Rb Lendale White is still on the board the Panthers would have to take him here since he fits their running style perfectly.
28. Jaguars - The Jaguars secondary was exposed last year so I would expect that they would take S Donte Whitner in this spot.
29. Jets - Despite taking an offensive lineman earlier on they could take another in this spot but I think it's more likely they take Curtis Martin's replacement and take Minnesota RB Laurence Maroney.
30. Colts - They need a replacement for James and could trade up or hope Maroney falls to them. If the draft comes together the way I have predicted they could take Alabama Lb DeMeco Ryans.
31. Seahawks - I can see Seattle taking an offensive lineman to replace Hutchinson who went to Minnesota. In that case their pick will be Oklahoma guard Davin Joseph.
32. Steelers - The Steelers need a running back but I doubt any will be on the board for them so they probably go defense and take South Carolina cb Jonathan Joseph.
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Backlash Preview
With a WWE ppv and the NFL draft this weekend the Shames-o-matic prediction meter will be working overtime. Up first my take on Backlash:
Chris Masters over Carlito: After a slow start the fans have really taken to Carlito and will soley be behind him in this match. Not sure though if he can break the masterlock if it's applied so expect Masters to get the win in what should be the start of a good long term feud between these two.
Kane over the Big Show: The former tag team champions are on the outs after Kane snapped in a shameless plug for his new movie, "See No Evil". Since Kane has a storyline working around this movie expect him to get the win unless Big Show technically does via DQ. But this is another feud that is just starting so they can't really have a clean finish.
RVD over Shelton Benjamin: This is a high stakes match since it's for both the IC Title and a World Title Shot. Since so much is at stake it makes more sense to have RVD pick up the win especially since there are rumors circulating that ECW will be making a full time comeback soon and RVD is a likely frontman for that promotion.
Trish Stratus over Mickey James: This women's title match has taken a bizarre twist with both women pretending to be the other. Order should be restored after the match when Trish when's back her title.
Umaga ove Ric Flair: The WWE blatantly ripped off NWA/TNA by creating this character in the mold of Somoa Joe. I guess it's only fitting since NWA/TNA ripped them off by creating a character named Abyss in the mold of Mankind. Umaga should win easily to get an immediate push.
HBK over the McMahons: I don't like the direction of this feud since it has too many religios overtones to it but could have some good spots in it like the match at Wrestlemania did. HBK should win unless there's outside interference on the McMahons behalf. Perhaps Umaga or another new guy.
HHH over Edge and John Cena: This highly anticipated triple threat match could shape the immediate future of the WWE with a possible face turn for Triple H or heel turn for John Cena in the works. Considering that it might make sense to have Edge as the champion and while they still might go in that direction it might take another month to get there. Until then HHH should get back on his throne as the self proclaimed King of Kings.
*We could also see a tag team match involving the spirit squad which if we do they will most likely retain their titles.
Chris Masters over Carlito: After a slow start the fans have really taken to Carlito and will soley be behind him in this match. Not sure though if he can break the masterlock if it's applied so expect Masters to get the win in what should be the start of a good long term feud between these two.
Kane over the Big Show: The former tag team champions are on the outs after Kane snapped in a shameless plug for his new movie, "See No Evil". Since Kane has a storyline working around this movie expect him to get the win unless Big Show technically does via DQ. But this is another feud that is just starting so they can't really have a clean finish.
RVD over Shelton Benjamin: This is a high stakes match since it's for both the IC Title and a World Title Shot. Since so much is at stake it makes more sense to have RVD pick up the win especially since there are rumors circulating that ECW will be making a full time comeback soon and RVD is a likely frontman for that promotion.
Trish Stratus over Mickey James: This women's title match has taken a bizarre twist with both women pretending to be the other. Order should be restored after the match when Trish when's back her title.
Umaga ove Ric Flair: The WWE blatantly ripped off NWA/TNA by creating this character in the mold of Somoa Joe. I guess it's only fitting since NWA/TNA ripped them off by creating a character named Abyss in the mold of Mankind. Umaga should win easily to get an immediate push.
HBK over the McMahons: I don't like the direction of this feud since it has too many religios overtones to it but could have some good spots in it like the match at Wrestlemania did. HBK should win unless there's outside interference on the McMahons behalf. Perhaps Umaga or another new guy.
HHH over Edge and John Cena: This highly anticipated triple threat match could shape the immediate future of the WWE with a possible face turn for Triple H or heel turn for John Cena in the works. Considering that it might make sense to have Edge as the champion and while they still might go in that direction it might take another month to get there. Until then HHH should get back on his throne as the self proclaimed King of Kings.
*We could also see a tag team match involving the spirit squad which if we do they will most likely retain their titles.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Shames on Shames: Complaining
Barry Bonds isn't the only person who can have his own platform from where he self promotes and gives his side of the story. Thanks to blogger.com now I can have my own forum as well. Which is why all week long I'll be giving you all a rare introspective look at my inner thoughts as only I can. It's everything you ever wanted to know about Craig Shames from the man himself.
Up today, Shames on complaining:
A lot of people seem to be of the opinion that I'm a complainer. That I host more whine and cheese parties than a rich yuppie on the Upper West Side of New York. That I bitch more than a woman on her wedding day. That I'm more annoying than a conversation between Gilbert Godfrey and Fran Drescher. And yet I beg to differ.
I don't even think that what I do can be considered complaining. Is complaining speaking your mind? Is it refusing to accept mediocrity? Is it making suggestions for improving your way of life? I don't think so. That's not complaining. Complaining is when you just say something negative and don't do anything about it. Like saying, 'I'm cold' when all you had to do was put on a scarf or make a hot chocolate. What I do is say things like 'I'm cold' and then pick up and move to Florida. I don't accept the fact that I have to be cold the rest of my life just because it's apart of my living conditions. If I'm not happy I make changes. And yet I'm labeled a complainer and that's wrong. It's only complaining if you don't do anything about it.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. I don't care about the way things are, the way things were, or the way things are supposed to be. I only care about one thing and one thing only. And that's making things better. It's why I have a list of ideas and suggestions for society that I hope to one day publish. It's why I analyze anything and question everything. And it's why I'm going to accomplish more in my life than anyone gives me credit for.
After all, just because I eat everything plain doesn't mean that I'm also a complainer.
Up today, Shames on complaining:
A lot of people seem to be of the opinion that I'm a complainer. That I host more whine and cheese parties than a rich yuppie on the Upper West Side of New York. That I bitch more than a woman on her wedding day. That I'm more annoying than a conversation between Gilbert Godfrey and Fran Drescher. And yet I beg to differ.
I don't even think that what I do can be considered complaining. Is complaining speaking your mind? Is it refusing to accept mediocrity? Is it making suggestions for improving your way of life? I don't think so. That's not complaining. Complaining is when you just say something negative and don't do anything about it. Like saying, 'I'm cold' when all you had to do was put on a scarf or make a hot chocolate. What I do is say things like 'I'm cold' and then pick up and move to Florida. I don't accept the fact that I have to be cold the rest of my life just because it's apart of my living conditions. If I'm not happy I make changes. And yet I'm labeled a complainer and that's wrong. It's only complaining if you don't do anything about it.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. I don't care about the way things are, the way things were, or the way things are supposed to be. I only care about one thing and one thing only. And that's making things better. It's why I have a list of ideas and suggestions for society that I hope to one day publish. It's why I analyze anything and question everything. And it's why I'm going to accomplish more in my life than anyone gives me credit for.
After all, just because I eat everything plain doesn't mean that I'm also a complainer.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
David Eckstein Is On 'Roids and Other Absurd Sports Assertions
Okay, I lied about that. I don't actually think that the Cardinals dimunitive short stop is on steriods. If he is they aren't working very well. But there is one major leaguer that I think is on steriods and surprisingly his name isn't Barry Bonds. In fact, it's someone that isn't even on the radar screen for most people. It's Colorado Rockies firstbaseman Todd Helton.
Helton was actually accused of using steriods last year and fiercely denied the allegations. As such, the controversy settled down but I never forgot about that because Helton went on to have a down year last year that may or may not have been the result of his coming off of steriods or other enhancements under baseball's new drug testing policy. However, if you combine his off year with news this week that he is on the disabled list indefinitely with a stomach virus and I feel strongly enough to now go on record as saying that Helton was on steriods. After all, Yankees slugger Jason Giambi is an admitted steriods user and he suffered from an intestinal parasite the year after he stopped using steriods. Is it merely coincidence that Helton now has a mysterious stomach virus? Or could it be a result of him coming off of steriods as well? I'll let that marinate in your head as I move on to make some more absurd sports assertions:
1. Reggie Bush WILL NOT be the #1 pick in the NFL draft: Most people think it's a foregone conclusion that Reggie will go first overall to the Houston Texans but I have my doubts. Primarily because I just wanted to say something outlandish but also because I actually think that North Carolina State Defensive End Mario Williams will go #1. If you think about it the Texans already have a good running back in Domanick Davis and could use the help on defense more. Technically they need offensive line help and probably should trade down to take the only dominant lineman in the draft in manbeast D'Brickashaw Ferguson. Either way I have a strong feeling that Bush will not go #1 and this was before all the allegations came out that his family ilegally lived in a house that a sports agent put them up in. If Bush is found guilty of wrong doing there he could have his Heisman trophy revoked and go down in history as the greatest bust of all time. Reggie Bust anybody?
2. Lebron James IS NOT the best player in the NBA: Tough thing to say, especially after King James dropped a triple double in his first ever playoff game over the weekend. But I'm willing to say that Miami Heat guard Dwayne Wade is the better all around player and will be the first player from that draft to win a championship. Could just be my newfound Florida bias talking but I think I might actually be onto something.
3. The Florida Marlins will win the World Series in 3 years: Again the Florida bias could be working over time especially since the Marlins figure to be the worst team in baseball this year. But with their young core of rising stars they have the talent and the rare ability in today's era of free agency to actually grow into a team together. Twice in their history they've won the World Series and then had a fire sale and considering the talent of this group they could easily do it again. I'm also going to go ahead and call that they are also going to win the World Series in 2014 and 2019.
Helton was actually accused of using steriods last year and fiercely denied the allegations. As such, the controversy settled down but I never forgot about that because Helton went on to have a down year last year that may or may not have been the result of his coming off of steriods or other enhancements under baseball's new drug testing policy. However, if you combine his off year with news this week that he is on the disabled list indefinitely with a stomach virus and I feel strongly enough to now go on record as saying that Helton was on steriods. After all, Yankees slugger Jason Giambi is an admitted steriods user and he suffered from an intestinal parasite the year after he stopped using steriods. Is it merely coincidence that Helton now has a mysterious stomach virus? Or could it be a result of him coming off of steriods as well? I'll let that marinate in your head as I move on to make some more absurd sports assertions:
1. Reggie Bush WILL NOT be the #1 pick in the NFL draft: Most people think it's a foregone conclusion that Reggie will go first overall to the Houston Texans but I have my doubts. Primarily because I just wanted to say something outlandish but also because I actually think that North Carolina State Defensive End Mario Williams will go #1. If you think about it the Texans already have a good running back in Domanick Davis and could use the help on defense more. Technically they need offensive line help and probably should trade down to take the only dominant lineman in the draft in manbeast D'Brickashaw Ferguson. Either way I have a strong feeling that Bush will not go #1 and this was before all the allegations came out that his family ilegally lived in a house that a sports agent put them up in. If Bush is found guilty of wrong doing there he could have his Heisman trophy revoked and go down in history as the greatest bust of all time. Reggie Bust anybody?
2. Lebron James IS NOT the best player in the NBA: Tough thing to say, especially after King James dropped a triple double in his first ever playoff game over the weekend. But I'm willing to say that Miami Heat guard Dwayne Wade is the better all around player and will be the first player from that draft to win a championship. Could just be my newfound Florida bias talking but I think I might actually be onto something.
3. The Florida Marlins will win the World Series in 3 years: Again the Florida bias could be working over time especially since the Marlins figure to be the worst team in baseball this year. But with their young core of rising stars they have the talent and the rare ability in today's era of free agency to actually grow into a team together. Twice in their history they've won the World Series and then had a fire sale and considering the talent of this group they could easily do it again. I'm also going to go ahead and call that they are also going to win the World Series in 2014 and 2019.
Monday, April 24, 2006
Mish Mosh Day
I've got a lot of loose ends to tie up today so here's a look at several random topics that I have to sound off on:
Final NBA Playoff Picks
Last week I predicted the first round matchups. This week I'm going to finish up the rest of the brackets. In the Eastern Conference it's going to be the Heat and the Nets squaring off in round 2. The Heat will win a seven game nail bitter after Vince Carter goes 10 of 75 in game 7. In the other matchup the Pistons will knock of Lebron and the Cavaliers setting up a Heat/Pistons rematch that the Pistons will win in six games.
Over in the Western Conference the Spurs and Mavericks will meet in an epic seven game quarter final matchup that really should have been saved for the conference final. The Spurs will advance and take on the Suns who will easily blow by the Clippers. The Spurs will then knock out the Suns in 5 to set up a finals rematch of last year. So basically, both conference finals and the nba finals will all be rematches of last year.
NHL Playoff Predictions
I think I have a better shot at getting laid tonight then I do at predicting the NHL playoffs since I haven't seen a NHL game all year. All I'm going to say is that the Stanley Cup champions will come out of the Eastern Conference so I think that New Jersey, Ottawa, and Carolina all have a shot at winning.
Thoughts on the Social Science 6-12 Test
Hardest test ever. The specificity of the questions and randomness of the material made me think that I was taking the SAT's or an AP History test. It certainly wasn't a middle school level test that's for sure.
Now I would be okay with taking a test that was hard as long as it was fair. And I don't think that all of the questions on this test were reasonable. They asked some far fetched things. I'm talking about expecting us to know names of Indian chiefs, Renaissance painters, and state senators from the 1800's.
I probably didn't pass and don't think that many college professor could have passed either. Which begs the question: if they are such in desperate need for teachers why do they make it so hard to become one?
Final NBA Playoff Picks
Last week I predicted the first round matchups. This week I'm going to finish up the rest of the brackets. In the Eastern Conference it's going to be the Heat and the Nets squaring off in round 2. The Heat will win a seven game nail bitter after Vince Carter goes 10 of 75 in game 7. In the other matchup the Pistons will knock of Lebron and the Cavaliers setting up a Heat/Pistons rematch that the Pistons will win in six games.
Over in the Western Conference the Spurs and Mavericks will meet in an epic seven game quarter final matchup that really should have been saved for the conference final. The Spurs will advance and take on the Suns who will easily blow by the Clippers. The Spurs will then knock out the Suns in 5 to set up a finals rematch of last year. So basically, both conference finals and the nba finals will all be rematches of last year.
NHL Playoff Predictions
I think I have a better shot at getting laid tonight then I do at predicting the NHL playoffs since I haven't seen a NHL game all year. All I'm going to say is that the Stanley Cup champions will come out of the Eastern Conference so I think that New Jersey, Ottawa, and Carolina all have a shot at winning.
Thoughts on the Social Science 6-12 Test
Hardest test ever. The specificity of the questions and randomness of the material made me think that I was taking the SAT's or an AP History test. It certainly wasn't a middle school level test that's for sure.
Now I would be okay with taking a test that was hard as long as it was fair. And I don't think that all of the questions on this test were reasonable. They asked some far fetched things. I'm talking about expecting us to know names of Indian chiefs, Renaissance painters, and state senators from the 1800's.
I probably didn't pass and don't think that many college professor could have passed either. Which begs the question: if they are such in desperate need for teachers why do they make it so hard to become one?
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Girlfriend of the Week: Kristin Cavalleri
Now that I'm living in Florida I'm going to try to relax more and party it up. Or at least go out in public like a normal person. In honor of my commitment to become more sociable I have chosen Kristin Cavalleri of Laguna Beach fame as my girlfriend of the week.
Even though Kristin is best known from Laguna Beach and dating Nick Lachey, I chose her more for her role as host of the short lived series, 'get this party started' since that's exactly what I want to be doing from now on. I can only hope that my social life has a longer shelf life than that show did. It pretty much bombed worse than Christian at a party.
Even though Kristin is best known from Laguna Beach and dating Nick Lachey, I chose her more for her role as host of the short lived series, 'get this party started' since that's exactly what I want to be doing from now on. I can only hope that my social life has a longer shelf life than that show did. It pretty much bombed worse than Christian at a party.
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Week In Review
Random thoughts from the last week:
Corny pickup line of the week - Going up to a girl on Easter and asking her if she wants to play find the egg.
Holidays are just excuses for girls to dress like whores.
You gotta love the day after Easter and Halloween. All the candy at CVS is on sale for half price!
I don't understand the expression, 'ends to a mean'. Does anybody even know what a mean is? Mathematically, it's an average but that doesn't make sense because how is something the end to an average?
Speaking of Math have you ever seen those shirts where it says something like, "Do you like Math? Because you have a great figure!"? I'm thinking of making one for social studies that says, "I teach history but that doesn't mean I want to hear about your past!"
The Mets say that they want to take back the city from the Yankees but unfortunately I won't be able to take them seriously until they get rid of Mr. Met.
Does anybody wear jean shorts anymore?
I wouldn't mind being fat. After all, have you ever noticed that all the items on the sales rack are 2xl? Fat people get all the breaks!
How come it's illegal to download music but cover bands can play those same songs free of charge and even make money in the process since they are getting paid for their services?
National Lampoon's Dorm Daze is so unbelievable. The dorky guy who writes love letters never gets the girl. Trust me.
Due to several years of student pressure Northeastern's SGA is planning to finally install direct elections. In related news SGA's President jumps off a bridge.
Corny pickup line of the week - Going up to a girl on Easter and asking her if she wants to play find the egg.
Holidays are just excuses for girls to dress like whores.
You gotta love the day after Easter and Halloween. All the candy at CVS is on sale for half price!
I don't understand the expression, 'ends to a mean'. Does anybody even know what a mean is? Mathematically, it's an average but that doesn't make sense because how is something the end to an average?
Speaking of Math have you ever seen those shirts where it says something like, "Do you like Math? Because you have a great figure!"? I'm thinking of making one for social studies that says, "I teach history but that doesn't mean I want to hear about your past!"
The Mets say that they want to take back the city from the Yankees but unfortunately I won't be able to take them seriously until they get rid of Mr. Met.
Does anybody wear jean shorts anymore?
I wouldn't mind being fat. After all, have you ever noticed that all the items on the sales rack are 2xl? Fat people get all the breaks!
How come it's illegal to download music but cover bands can play those same songs free of charge and even make money in the process since they are getting paid for their services?
National Lampoon's Dorm Daze is so unbelievable. The dorky guy who writes love letters never gets the girl. Trust me.
Due to several years of student pressure Northeastern's SGA is planning to finally install direct elections. In related news SGA's President jumps off a bridge.
Friday, April 21, 2006
NBA Playoffs Preview
The NBA is the most predictable of all professional sports so I can already tell you that it's going to be the San Antonio Spurs and the Detroit Pistons that will meet in the NBA Finals. But what most people can't tell with any great degree of certainty is what else will happen. I can. Here's a look at the first round of the playoffs with future rounds analyzed at a later date.
Eastern Conference
Heat over the Bulls: The NBA playoffs are all about matchups. If the Heat were going against the New Jersey Nets in the first round the result might be different but they match up favorably with the Bulls and should win easily. Bull's guard Ben Gordon can go head to head with Miami superstar Dwayne Wade but the Bulls have no inside presence to stop Shaq. Heat in a cake walk.
Pistons over the Bucks: I feel bad for the Bucks and whoever else has to face the Pistons the rest of the way. They are far and away the best team in the Eastern Conference and the only team that can beat them is wearing their uniforms.
Washington over Cleveland: It's time for LeBron James to step up but unfortunately for Cleveland he's going to be stepping on a sprained ankle for the forseeable future. As a result I forsee a future of playing golf for Cavs players.
Nets over Indiana: Without Ron Artest the Pacers will lack the defensive toughness needed to stop the Nets trifecta of Kidd, Jefferson, and Carter. In fact, I wonder if they have the toughness to even stop my main man Nenad Kristic.
Western Conference
Spurs over the Kings: The Kings are probably the greatest 8th seed of all time thanks to their mid season acquistion of Ron Artest. However, they still lack the go to scorer needed in crunch time and unless PG Mike Bibby steps up they will be in trouble against my pick to win it all.
Phoenix over the Lakers: A lot of people are picking the Lakers to pull off the upset but because they are I can't even though I want to. I also have a hard time picking against Steve Nash whose clearly the best point guard of my generation. The loss of Amare Stoudemire will hurt them but not until the Conference Finals against Tim Duncan and the Spurs.
Dallas over Memphis: The Grizzlies had a great year but without playoff experience I don't see how they can beat a Mavericks team that has finally learned how to play defense. Expect Dirk Diggler and co. to win easily.
Clippers over the Nuggets: This is the hardest series to predict and I can't believe that I actually picked the LA Clippers to win it but Kenyon Martin's uncertain status is what swayed me to pick the Clippers. If they don't have a healthy Martin they have no chance at stopping Elton Brand inside.
Eastern Conference
Heat over the Bulls: The NBA playoffs are all about matchups. If the Heat were going against the New Jersey Nets in the first round the result might be different but they match up favorably with the Bulls and should win easily. Bull's guard Ben Gordon can go head to head with Miami superstar Dwayne Wade but the Bulls have no inside presence to stop Shaq. Heat in a cake walk.
Pistons over the Bucks: I feel bad for the Bucks and whoever else has to face the Pistons the rest of the way. They are far and away the best team in the Eastern Conference and the only team that can beat them is wearing their uniforms.
Washington over Cleveland: It's time for LeBron James to step up but unfortunately for Cleveland he's going to be stepping on a sprained ankle for the forseeable future. As a result I forsee a future of playing golf for Cavs players.
Nets over Indiana: Without Ron Artest the Pacers will lack the defensive toughness needed to stop the Nets trifecta of Kidd, Jefferson, and Carter. In fact, I wonder if they have the toughness to even stop my main man Nenad Kristic.
Western Conference
Spurs over the Kings: The Kings are probably the greatest 8th seed of all time thanks to their mid season acquistion of Ron Artest. However, they still lack the go to scorer needed in crunch time and unless PG Mike Bibby steps up they will be in trouble against my pick to win it all.
Phoenix over the Lakers: A lot of people are picking the Lakers to pull off the upset but because they are I can't even though I want to. I also have a hard time picking against Steve Nash whose clearly the best point guard of my generation. The loss of Amare Stoudemire will hurt them but not until the Conference Finals against Tim Duncan and the Spurs.
Dallas over Memphis: The Grizzlies had a great year but without playoff experience I don't see how they can beat a Mavericks team that has finally learned how to play defense. Expect Dirk Diggler and co. to win easily.
Clippers over the Nuggets: This is the hardest series to predict and I can't believe that I actually picked the LA Clippers to win it but Kenyon Martin's uncertain status is what swayed me to pick the Clippers. If they don't have a healthy Martin they have no chance at stopping Elton Brand inside.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Even More Twilight Zone Stuff
Okay, now I'm really starting to get freaked out. Pretty much whatever I think about, talk about, or dream about comes to fruition in some way, shape, or form. Last night and this morning it happened again.
I'll start with what happened last night. My friend from my old softball team sent me a link from mlb.com saying that the Yankees were talking about trading outfielder Gary Sheffield to the Marlins for starting pitcher Dontrelle Willis. It was only a practical joke but he really had me going because I talked about the merits of that trade for a good ten minutes before clicking on the link.
I discussed the trade in depth because after watching the game on espn earlier in the day and hearing the announcers talk about how Sheffield didn't seem interested in playing defense I thought to myself that the Yankees would be better off trading him for more pitching. That way they could shore up their defense, move Giambi to the #3 hole and go lefty, right, lefty with him, AROD, and Matsui in succession in the batting order. So obviously after thinking about that during the day when you hear later that night, albeit for a joke, that Sheffield is getting traded it's pretty eery.
I mean what are the chances that I would get pranked by my friend on the one day that I thought about Sheffield getting traded? And what are the odds that he would use Sheffield as the subject of the trade when on any other day he could have picked any other player? In fact, the prank only worked as well as it did because I clicked on the link thinking that it actually could have happened since I had indeed just thought about it. Apparently, my thinking about something doesn't mean that it will come true just that it will appear in another medium. I.e. if I think about getting a job I won't get one I'll just see an ad in the paper for a career fair.
Then as if that Sheffield prank wasn't enough I had a dream last night that I was on Jeopardy. I probably dreamt about it because right before I went to bed I was thinking about how I applied to be on the show a while ago but hadn't heard anything back yet. Anyway, that's not the eery part. The eery part is that the final Jeopardy answer was Chris O'Donnell. I remember that because I actually called out Chris O'Donnell's name. If anyone had been in the room with me they would have thought I was having a wet dream with Chris O'Donnell so let's just say it's a good thing that I'm not in college anymore.
Anyway, point being is that I dreamnt about Chris O'Donnell and then when I woke up and put the television on there he was. O'Donnell in the Three Musketeers. What are the chances that of all the channels to leave the tv set to I would leave it set to the one movie channel that would be playing a Chris O'Donnell movie the next morning at the exact time that I would be waking up? And I didn't even wake up when I was supposed to because I overslept. So the fact that I still wound up seeing that movie at that exact instance had to be attributed to another factor. Which in this case was my computer. You see, on most mornings I don't put on the tv upon waking up because I go straight to my computer to check my email and fantasy teams. Today though my computer was rebooted for automatic updates and so I had to wait for it to turn on. While doing so I put on the tv and saw what I was meant to see.
So, can anyone logically explain to me how it was that I overslept and still saw what they wanted me to since my computer now had to be restarted? You see, this isn't just coincidence anymore. This is an elaborate series of events that have to take place in order for something to happen just exactly the way that it's supposed to. I have no idea why things that I'm thinking about are coming true but I have a theory. And that is that these things have been taking place to get my attention. To put me in tune with the fact that I have the ability to see the future. That way when I later dream about the President getting assasinated or something along those lines I won't just dismiss my vision as a dream, I'll actually think it's real and try to stop it thereby saving the world. Now what say you to that?
I'll start with what happened last night. My friend from my old softball team sent me a link from mlb.com saying that the Yankees were talking about trading outfielder Gary Sheffield to the Marlins for starting pitcher Dontrelle Willis. It was only a practical joke but he really had me going because I talked about the merits of that trade for a good ten minutes before clicking on the link.
I discussed the trade in depth because after watching the game on espn earlier in the day and hearing the announcers talk about how Sheffield didn't seem interested in playing defense I thought to myself that the Yankees would be better off trading him for more pitching. That way they could shore up their defense, move Giambi to the #3 hole and go lefty, right, lefty with him, AROD, and Matsui in succession in the batting order. So obviously after thinking about that during the day when you hear later that night, albeit for a joke, that Sheffield is getting traded it's pretty eery.
I mean what are the chances that I would get pranked by my friend on the one day that I thought about Sheffield getting traded? And what are the odds that he would use Sheffield as the subject of the trade when on any other day he could have picked any other player? In fact, the prank only worked as well as it did because I clicked on the link thinking that it actually could have happened since I had indeed just thought about it. Apparently, my thinking about something doesn't mean that it will come true just that it will appear in another medium. I.e. if I think about getting a job I won't get one I'll just see an ad in the paper for a career fair.
Then as if that Sheffield prank wasn't enough I had a dream last night that I was on Jeopardy. I probably dreamt about it because right before I went to bed I was thinking about how I applied to be on the show a while ago but hadn't heard anything back yet. Anyway, that's not the eery part. The eery part is that the final Jeopardy answer was Chris O'Donnell. I remember that because I actually called out Chris O'Donnell's name. If anyone had been in the room with me they would have thought I was having a wet dream with Chris O'Donnell so let's just say it's a good thing that I'm not in college anymore.
Anyway, point being is that I dreamnt about Chris O'Donnell and then when I woke up and put the television on there he was. O'Donnell in the Three Musketeers. What are the chances that of all the channels to leave the tv set to I would leave it set to the one movie channel that would be playing a Chris O'Donnell movie the next morning at the exact time that I would be waking up? And I didn't even wake up when I was supposed to because I overslept. So the fact that I still wound up seeing that movie at that exact instance had to be attributed to another factor. Which in this case was my computer. You see, on most mornings I don't put on the tv upon waking up because I go straight to my computer to check my email and fantasy teams. Today though my computer was rebooted for automatic updates and so I had to wait for it to turn on. While doing so I put on the tv and saw what I was meant to see.
So, can anyone logically explain to me how it was that I overslept and still saw what they wanted me to since my computer now had to be restarted? You see, this isn't just coincidence anymore. This is an elaborate series of events that have to take place in order for something to happen just exactly the way that it's supposed to. I have no idea why things that I'm thinking about are coming true but I have a theory. And that is that these things have been taking place to get my attention. To put me in tune with the fact that I have the ability to see the future. That way when I later dream about the President getting assasinated or something along those lines I won't just dismiss my vision as a dream, I'll actually think it's real and try to stop it thereby saving the world. Now what say you to that?
Shames on Shames: Religion
Barry Bonds isn't the only person who can have his own platform from where he self promotes and gives his side of the story. Thanks to blogger.com now I can have my own forum as well. Which is why all week long I'll be giving you all a rare introspective look at my inner thoughts as only I can. It's everything you ever wanted to know about Craig Shames from the man himself.
Up today, Shames on religion:
Last monday night on RAW, WWE Chairman Vince McMahon came out and announced the creation of McMahonism. He didn't actually create his own religion, it was just for a storyline with Shawn Michaels who is planning on becoming more spiritual as a gimmick, but it brought up a good point. And that is that another religion should be created.
To that end how about a church of atheism? I'm actually very surprised that there isn't something along those lines already in existence because there really should be. I mean, I'm atheist but I actually like the idea of religion. I like having faith, gathering somewhere once a week to talk about issues in the community, and meeting other people that share similar views as me. I just don't like having to believe in an all powerful being. If I could congregate with other atheists and talk about moral values and what we need to do to strengthen our lives and communities I would do so. Just check your coats and beliefs about god, the devil, heaven, hell, salvation, and the second coming at the door.
If no one wants to start a church of atheism I would even settle for atheistdate.com. Just some way to meet other atheists so that I don't always have to be on the defensive about my religious views. Which for the record are that there is no god. In fact, I think that you would have to be a complete idiot to believe in God and apologize if that offends anyone but it's the truth.
My reasoning for calling every single person that I know an idiot is that religion is just something that was made up a long time ago to explain away things that people couldn't understand. If it rained it must have been because the god of rain made it do so. If there was an Earthquake it was because the Gods were angry at the people. From their simple viewpoint the idea that an all powerful being controlled their environment made sense to them. But nowadays we know differently. We know why things work the way that they do making a believe in a higher power unnecessary. And yet people continue to believe in God.
I don't quite understand why. No one still believes that the Earth is flat or that the sun and planets revolve around the Earth. And yet a lot of people still belive in this idea of God. It's an outdated belief, created a long time ago by simple minded people, and yet it lives on because of the unknown. It lives on because atheists like myself can't prove our side of it other than to say just because. And as long as there is no definitive proof either way the debate will rage on.
I just wish that it didn't have to be this way. Wars have been waged, people have been persecuted, and groups of people with differing views have been villified. All for an outdated concept that doesn't even make sense anymore. Wake up people and smell the man made coffee. We're on our own and we need to spend less time praying and more time fixing our problems.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Shames on Shames: Picky Eating
Barry Bonds isn't the only person who can have his own platform from where he self promotes and gives his side of the story. Thanks to blogger.com now I can have my own forum as well. Which is why all week long I'll be giving you all a rare introspective look at my inner thoughts as only I can. It's everything you ever wanted to know about Craig Shames from the man himself.
Up today, Shames on being a picky eater:
I think I have an eating disorder. And no it's not bulimia or anorexia. It actually has nothing to do with making myself through up, thinking I'm fat when I'm not, or hiding my food. Rather, it's about being a picky eater. I know that it's not technically an eating disorder but it probably should be.
I mean, I doubt that I'm the only person in the world who is fussy about what they eat. I always see people send food back in restaurants because it was undercooked, overcooked or not cooked just the way they wanted it. What about the person who can't eat something once it's 'contaminated' i.e. it touched another piece of food on their plate? It doesn't matter that all the food goes to the same place. What matters is how it gets there.
Millions of people around the world say things like 'hold the onions' or when ordering a piece of sicilian pizza 'can I get that corner piece' or when ordering a drink 'not too much ice'. And yet no one thinks twice about it or looks at them like they have three heads. And yet when I say that I don't want salad dressing on my salad or ketchup on my hamburger I'm some kind of freak. And that bothers me.
Why can everyone else be fussy and picky and narotic about the presentation or taste of their food and yet my personal preference to eat the majority of things that I eat plain, with nothing on it, gets scrutinized. Now I know exactly how Barry Bonds feels. Public scrutiny is more worse than any punishment MLB or the Grand Jury can throw at him. He's already wearing a scarlet letter S for steriods and sometimes I feel like I'm wearing a scarlet letter P for picky. And if I could rip that letter off my chest and bury it I would do so in a heartbeat.
I mean I just want to be left alone. I don't want to go into a deli and order roastbeef on a roll and have the deli clerk ask do you want cheese with that? Turkey? Mustard? Mayonoisse? Anything? Salt? Pepper? Are you sure? Just plain? Just plain Roast Beef? That's it? Is that really it? YES! Yes, you stupid bitch, that's all I wanted. Just plain roast beef on a roll! Did I stutter? Did I say something other than roast beef? No, I don't think so. So just shut your pie hole, stop asking me what else I want on it, and make the damned sandwich already!
Conversations like that happen everyday, the latter part in my head since I have yet to snap back at anyone. But I want to. And someday soon I probably will. And then I'll be committed to a mental institution for being the weird one. And yet I'm not weird. I just have a personal preference like everyone else. But since my preference is to actually taste the food that I'm eating and everyone else's preference is to cover up that taste with sauce I get ridiculed.
And that's not fair. Why should I feel bad for chosing to eat something without sauce? Maybe everyone else is weird for putting something on it. After all, what's the point of putting flavor onto something? If it's the sauce that you like maybe you should just sit there and eat packets of ketchup. If you're just going to cover up the taste of the hot dog why even eat one? And if the food that you are eating is flawed to the point where it needs to have flavor added to it then maybe we as a society should develop a way to make food taste better in the first place so that we won't have to add anything to it.
But you know something. If you did decide that all you wanted to eat was ketchup packets I would be okay with that. I wouldn't say anything to you. I wouldn't make fun of you. I probably wouldn't even notice. Never in my life have I commented on someone else's eating habits. Most of the time I don't even notice what they are doing. I'm too busy eating my own food to even look at what the other person's eating. It doesn't concern me and I'm not interested in knowing about it. I only wish that one day people can feel that same way about my eating habits. Until then I guess I'm just goin to have to accept the fact that I'm the weird one.
*Coming tomorrow, Shames on God, religion, and the meaning of life.
Up today, Shames on being a picky eater:
I think I have an eating disorder. And no it's not bulimia or anorexia. It actually has nothing to do with making myself through up, thinking I'm fat when I'm not, or hiding my food. Rather, it's about being a picky eater. I know that it's not technically an eating disorder but it probably should be.
I mean, I doubt that I'm the only person in the world who is fussy about what they eat. I always see people send food back in restaurants because it was undercooked, overcooked or not cooked just the way they wanted it. What about the person who can't eat something once it's 'contaminated' i.e. it touched another piece of food on their plate? It doesn't matter that all the food goes to the same place. What matters is how it gets there.
Millions of people around the world say things like 'hold the onions' or when ordering a piece of sicilian pizza 'can I get that corner piece' or when ordering a drink 'not too much ice'. And yet no one thinks twice about it or looks at them like they have three heads. And yet when I say that I don't want salad dressing on my salad or ketchup on my hamburger I'm some kind of freak. And that bothers me.
Why can everyone else be fussy and picky and narotic about the presentation or taste of their food and yet my personal preference to eat the majority of things that I eat plain, with nothing on it, gets scrutinized. Now I know exactly how Barry Bonds feels. Public scrutiny is more worse than any punishment MLB or the Grand Jury can throw at him. He's already wearing a scarlet letter S for steriods and sometimes I feel like I'm wearing a scarlet letter P for picky. And if I could rip that letter off my chest and bury it I would do so in a heartbeat.
I mean I just want to be left alone. I don't want to go into a deli and order roastbeef on a roll and have the deli clerk ask do you want cheese with that? Turkey? Mustard? Mayonoisse? Anything? Salt? Pepper? Are you sure? Just plain? Just plain Roast Beef? That's it? Is that really it? YES! Yes, you stupid bitch, that's all I wanted. Just plain roast beef on a roll! Did I stutter? Did I say something other than roast beef? No, I don't think so. So just shut your pie hole, stop asking me what else I want on it, and make the damned sandwich already!
Conversations like that happen everyday, the latter part in my head since I have yet to snap back at anyone. But I want to. And someday soon I probably will. And then I'll be committed to a mental institution for being the weird one. And yet I'm not weird. I just have a personal preference like everyone else. But since my preference is to actually taste the food that I'm eating and everyone else's preference is to cover up that taste with sauce I get ridiculed.
And that's not fair. Why should I feel bad for chosing to eat something without sauce? Maybe everyone else is weird for putting something on it. After all, what's the point of putting flavor onto something? If it's the sauce that you like maybe you should just sit there and eat packets of ketchup. If you're just going to cover up the taste of the hot dog why even eat one? And if the food that you are eating is flawed to the point where it needs to have flavor added to it then maybe we as a society should develop a way to make food taste better in the first place so that we won't have to add anything to it.
But you know something. If you did decide that all you wanted to eat was ketchup packets I would be okay with that. I wouldn't say anything to you. I wouldn't make fun of you. I probably wouldn't even notice. Never in my life have I commented on someone else's eating habits. Most of the time I don't even notice what they are doing. I'm too busy eating my own food to even look at what the other person's eating. It doesn't concern me and I'm not interested in knowing about it. I only wish that one day people can feel that same way about my eating habits. Until then I guess I'm just goin to have to accept the fact that I'm the weird one.
*Coming tomorrow, Shames on God, religion, and the meaning of life.
The Twilight Zone Returns
Do you remember a few weeks ago when I blogged about how I was in an episode of the Twilight Zone because everything I talked about at work I later read about in the newspapers? Well, it's happening again but this time it's not about what I've been reading in the papers or talking about at work.
This time it's about what I've been thinking about. Case in point: Tuesday night while studying for my social studies area exam I was reading about the domino theory that the U.S. practiced to prevent the spread of communism in Europe. As I read about it I started to daydream that when teaching this theory to my students undoubtedly there would be someone who would ask what a domino was. So I dreamt that I would bring in dominos and create an elaborate set up in which they would fall in succession including several spots where they would fall off of ledges and keep going.
Anyway, later that night I was watching tv and settled on HBO to watch Robots. And of course there was an elaborate domino scene that including dominos falling off of ledges. That sealed the deal for me. I mean how many movies have elaborate domino scenes? Other than V for Vendetta I can't think of any other one. And yet as fate would have it I saw the only one on the same night I daydreamed about them.
Now apparently anything that I think of I see later on in tv. Between newspapers and tvs it's almost as if I have the ability to see things before they happen. Although if that truly was the case I should just think about getting a job and then maybe I would get one.
This time it's about what I've been thinking about. Case in point: Tuesday night while studying for my social studies area exam I was reading about the domino theory that the U.S. practiced to prevent the spread of communism in Europe. As I read about it I started to daydream that when teaching this theory to my students undoubtedly there would be someone who would ask what a domino was. So I dreamt that I would bring in dominos and create an elaborate set up in which they would fall in succession including several spots where they would fall off of ledges and keep going.
Anyway, later that night I was watching tv and settled on HBO to watch Robots. And of course there was an elaborate domino scene that including dominos falling off of ledges. That sealed the deal for me. I mean how many movies have elaborate domino scenes? Other than V for Vendetta I can't think of any other one. And yet as fate would have it I saw the only one on the same night I daydreamed about them.
Now apparently anything that I think of I see later on in tv. Between newspapers and tvs it's almost as if I have the ability to see things before they happen. Although if that truly was the case I should just think about getting a job and then maybe I would get one.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Shames on Shames: Holidays
Barry Bonds isn't the only person who can have his own platform from where he self promotes and gives his side of the story. Thanks to blogger.com now I can have my own forum as well. Which is why all week long I'll be giving you all a rare introspective look at my inner thoughts as only I can. It's everything you ever wanted to know about Craig Shames from the man himself.
Up today, Shames on holidays:
I hate this time of the year. Most people, especially in the Northeast, love it because with it comes warm weather and the realization that summer is just around the corner. But for me it means having to put up with holidays, like Passover and Easter.
That's why for me the happiest time of the year is the time immediately following the end of these holidays. If you think about it these are the last religious holidays of the year until Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah in the fall. Which probably explains why summer is my favorite time of the year. The only holiday is the Fourth of July and that's a good one because you get to BBQ and watch fireworks.
There are two reasons why I'm so against the holidays. The first goes back to my picky eating habits which I'll get into later in the week. But basically I don't like holiday food like matzah ball soup, gafilta fish, and chopped liver and therefore dread having to sit around a table why everyone is eating but me. It just makes me uncomfortable to sit there and not eat anything because I begin to think that something is wrong with me for not liking those foods. My self esteem just plummets during those dinner time hours and there's really no point to keep putting myself through that several times a year. Which is why I try to avoid holidays dinners as much as possible.
The second reason is based on principles. You see, I'm not religious and can't stand to waste time on religious matters. I won't go to church or temple unless it's for a wedding and I certainly won't give up an evening or two to celebrate a holiday that I don't believe in. Religion is so pointless and such a waste of time that I wish it had never been thought of. As a species we don't need to believe in all powerful being to verify our existence. We can do that ourselves. We don't need to pray to someone to make things better. We can do that ourselves through hardwork. If you have faith in mankind you don't need to have faith in God.
Most people that I talk to have said that they don't really believe in all aspects of the holidays themselves but go anyway to be with their famalies and have a good time while enjoying good food and spirits. And I'm all for that. That's exactly what holidays should be about. Just minus the religious overtones and traditional foods that I don't like.
What I want to do if I'm ever appointed ruler of the world is to create four big seasonal holidays in place of the ones we already have. If you think about it the holidays that we do have are already seasonal. There's Thanksgiving in the fall, Christmas/Chanukah in the winter, and Easter/Passover in the spring.
What I would do is keep Thanksgiving in the fall since that's not a religious holiday, just a traditional holiday to give thanks for your good fortune. I like the concept of that so that holiday can stay. In the winter I would get rid of chanukah/christmas and replace it with a Seinfeldian Festivus that was open to everyone. Gifts would be exchanged, non religious carols would be sung, and houses and trees would be decorated by everyone. In the spring I would replace easter/passover with a family reunion style event. The other holidays would usually be celebrated with your immediate families but this spring fling event would encourage everyone to come together for larger scale partying. And finally in the summer there would be BBQ's and fireworks but not just for the Fourth of July since that's only an American holiday.
And well there you have it. Four big, non-religious holidays spread out across the year with other holidays like Halloween, Labor Day, President's Day, etc. still in the mix as well to give us plenty of time off from work/school. Now what say you to that?
*Coming tomorrow, Shames on being a picky eater.
Up today, Shames on holidays:
I hate this time of the year. Most people, especially in the Northeast, love it because with it comes warm weather and the realization that summer is just around the corner. But for me it means having to put up with holidays, like Passover and Easter.
That's why for me the happiest time of the year is the time immediately following the end of these holidays. If you think about it these are the last religious holidays of the year until Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah in the fall. Which probably explains why summer is my favorite time of the year. The only holiday is the Fourth of July and that's a good one because you get to BBQ and watch fireworks.
There are two reasons why I'm so against the holidays. The first goes back to my picky eating habits which I'll get into later in the week. But basically I don't like holiday food like matzah ball soup, gafilta fish, and chopped liver and therefore dread having to sit around a table why everyone is eating but me. It just makes me uncomfortable to sit there and not eat anything because I begin to think that something is wrong with me for not liking those foods. My self esteem just plummets during those dinner time hours and there's really no point to keep putting myself through that several times a year. Which is why I try to avoid holidays dinners as much as possible.
The second reason is based on principles. You see, I'm not religious and can't stand to waste time on religious matters. I won't go to church or temple unless it's for a wedding and I certainly won't give up an evening or two to celebrate a holiday that I don't believe in. Religion is so pointless and such a waste of time that I wish it had never been thought of. As a species we don't need to believe in all powerful being to verify our existence. We can do that ourselves. We don't need to pray to someone to make things better. We can do that ourselves through hardwork. If you have faith in mankind you don't need to have faith in God.
Most people that I talk to have said that they don't really believe in all aspects of the holidays themselves but go anyway to be with their famalies and have a good time while enjoying good food and spirits. And I'm all for that. That's exactly what holidays should be about. Just minus the religious overtones and traditional foods that I don't like.
What I want to do if I'm ever appointed ruler of the world is to create four big seasonal holidays in place of the ones we already have. If you think about it the holidays that we do have are already seasonal. There's Thanksgiving in the fall, Christmas/Chanukah in the winter, and Easter/Passover in the spring.
What I would do is keep Thanksgiving in the fall since that's not a religious holiday, just a traditional holiday to give thanks for your good fortune. I like the concept of that so that holiday can stay. In the winter I would get rid of chanukah/christmas and replace it with a Seinfeldian Festivus that was open to everyone. Gifts would be exchanged, non religious carols would be sung, and houses and trees would be decorated by everyone. In the spring I would replace easter/passover with a family reunion style event. The other holidays would usually be celebrated with your immediate families but this spring fling event would encourage everyone to come together for larger scale partying. And finally in the summer there would be BBQ's and fireworks but not just for the Fourth of July since that's only an American holiday.
And well there you have it. Four big, non-religious holidays spread out across the year with other holidays like Halloween, Labor Day, President's Day, etc. still in the mix as well to give us plenty of time off from work/school. Now what say you to that?
*Coming tomorrow, Shames on being a picky eater.
Monday, April 17, 2006
Shames on Shames: Having Fun
Barry Bonds isn't the only person who can have his own platform from where he self promotes and gives his side of the story. Thanks to blogger.com now I can have my own forum as well. Which is why all week long I'll be giving you all a rare introspective look at my inner thoughts as only I can. It's everything you ever wanted to know about Craig Shames from the man himself.
Up today, Shames on having fun:
Thursday night while driving an hour and a half to an area hotspot in South Florida known as Riverfront it dawned on me. Thousands of people would be driving long distances like myself to converge on this one strip of bars, Florida's own version of Landsdowne or Bourbon Street.
They would be coming from all parts of Florida. From Fort Lauderdale, West Palm Beach, and Boca Raton, to Carol Springs, Deerfield Beach, and everywhere in between. From all over Broward County they would be coming out of the proverbial woodwork in pursuit of a good time.
Perhaps they were on spring break. Or perhaps they were just looking to let loose after a long week at work. Or maybe, just maybe, they were just looking to live their lives without regret. Whatever their motivation was, they were there, out in full force, looking to get drunk, high, and laid in no particular order.
And it was on this night that I began to question why. Why would these people travel from miles and miles away just to go to this one place. To get drunk? To hang out with their friends? To get laid? To meet people? To give me something to blog about?
I thought about reasons why all night long but couldn't place my finger on it. Can't these people drink in their own apartments? Certainly it would be much cheaper. No money spent on gas, tolls, parking, drinks, or tips. And yet people feel as though they have to go out to their local dive in order to drink amongst others.
If that's the case though, if it's all about the company, then why not just invite your friends over? I find it very rare when I go out that people mingle outside of their group. I would say that a good 80% of the people that are out on a given night are just going to spend the majority of their time talking to their own circle of friends. They'll sit out a table together or dance in a circle together. What's the point of dropping $100 a night if you're just going to do what you could do in the comfort of your own apartment?
The only legimitate reason I could think of for going out, for driving long distances to get to hot spots, for going out socially is to try and get laid. That's the only reason. And yet on any given night I would say that 99% of the people go home empty handed. The majority of people will strike out or maybe if they're lucky get a phone number. But is that 1% chance you have of meeting someone really worth sitting in traffic for an hour? Really worth dropping half your paycheck on a bar tab? Really worth standing like a pickle in a jar in some stuffy dive that overcharges for drinks?
I'd much rather try to meet someone on a dating service or the old fashioned way, through friends or when you run into someone out doing errands. Chances are I wouldn't even want to bring home a girl I meet in a bar because in today's day and age you just don't know what you're dealing with. Even with protection having sex with a girl you just met is crazy. You need the proper time to conduct an extensive background check. Okay, well maybe not that extensive but you should get to know the person first. Point being, going out to try and get laid isn't even worth it.
So, I ask you once again what's the point of going out? Why not just drink in your apartment, with your friends? It would save money and you'd probably have a better time. I don't need to go out to have a good time. I don't need to get wasted to enjoy the company I'm with. I especially don't need to conform with society and get wasted like all the other assclowns are doing.
Think about it. We're supposedly this advanced civilization and yet our concept of fun is getting so drunk that we have to throw up the next morning. And I don't get that. Why do people want to drink to the point of making themselves sick? How is that fun? Bar fights, DUI's, hangovers, alcohol poisoning, liver failure, etc. The list goes on and on. And yet the majority of people look past all of that. They don't consider the after affects of going out. They just think about the here and now and how what they want to do at that moment is get to an artificial state that only liquor can bring them do. Is there any point to that?
Shouldn't we have evolved to the point where we can find more constructive things to do with our down time? There has got to be an a better way to let loose and have fun that doesn't involve peeing every five minutes once the seal is broken as they say. A way that doesn't involve saying things you're going to regret after drunk dialing a loved one. A way that doesn't involve losing consciousness.
So until we as a society evolve to that point I'm hear to announce that I will no longer be going out. And this isn't one of those empty promises you make when you're hungover and you say that you're never going to drink ever again. I'm actually saying that I will never go out to another bar and I mean it. Okay, well knowing me I will probably be out with Brian at Riverfront this weekend. But that's only because I just moved here and still want to meet people. Once I get settled here I will make sure that I never go out ever again! And you can take that to the bank. Along with the $5 left over from your last paycheck.
*Coming tomorrow - Shames on holidays.
Up today, Shames on having fun:
Thursday night while driving an hour and a half to an area hotspot in South Florida known as Riverfront it dawned on me. Thousands of people would be driving long distances like myself to converge on this one strip of bars, Florida's own version of Landsdowne or Bourbon Street.
They would be coming from all parts of Florida. From Fort Lauderdale, West Palm Beach, and Boca Raton, to Carol Springs, Deerfield Beach, and everywhere in between. From all over Broward County they would be coming out of the proverbial woodwork in pursuit of a good time.
Perhaps they were on spring break. Or perhaps they were just looking to let loose after a long week at work. Or maybe, just maybe, they were just looking to live their lives without regret. Whatever their motivation was, they were there, out in full force, looking to get drunk, high, and laid in no particular order.
And it was on this night that I began to question why. Why would these people travel from miles and miles away just to go to this one place. To get drunk? To hang out with their friends? To get laid? To meet people? To give me something to blog about?
I thought about reasons why all night long but couldn't place my finger on it. Can't these people drink in their own apartments? Certainly it would be much cheaper. No money spent on gas, tolls, parking, drinks, or tips. And yet people feel as though they have to go out to their local dive in order to drink amongst others.
If that's the case though, if it's all about the company, then why not just invite your friends over? I find it very rare when I go out that people mingle outside of their group. I would say that a good 80% of the people that are out on a given night are just going to spend the majority of their time talking to their own circle of friends. They'll sit out a table together or dance in a circle together. What's the point of dropping $100 a night if you're just going to do what you could do in the comfort of your own apartment?
The only legimitate reason I could think of for going out, for driving long distances to get to hot spots, for going out socially is to try and get laid. That's the only reason. And yet on any given night I would say that 99% of the people go home empty handed. The majority of people will strike out or maybe if they're lucky get a phone number. But is that 1% chance you have of meeting someone really worth sitting in traffic for an hour? Really worth dropping half your paycheck on a bar tab? Really worth standing like a pickle in a jar in some stuffy dive that overcharges for drinks?
I'd much rather try to meet someone on a dating service or the old fashioned way, through friends or when you run into someone out doing errands. Chances are I wouldn't even want to bring home a girl I meet in a bar because in today's day and age you just don't know what you're dealing with. Even with protection having sex with a girl you just met is crazy. You need the proper time to conduct an extensive background check. Okay, well maybe not that extensive but you should get to know the person first. Point being, going out to try and get laid isn't even worth it.
So, I ask you once again what's the point of going out? Why not just drink in your apartment, with your friends? It would save money and you'd probably have a better time. I don't need to go out to have a good time. I don't need to get wasted to enjoy the company I'm with. I especially don't need to conform with society and get wasted like all the other assclowns are doing.
Think about it. We're supposedly this advanced civilization and yet our concept of fun is getting so drunk that we have to throw up the next morning. And I don't get that. Why do people want to drink to the point of making themselves sick? How is that fun? Bar fights, DUI's, hangovers, alcohol poisoning, liver failure, etc. The list goes on and on. And yet the majority of people look past all of that. They don't consider the after affects of going out. They just think about the here and now and how what they want to do at that moment is get to an artificial state that only liquor can bring them do. Is there any point to that?
Shouldn't we have evolved to the point where we can find more constructive things to do with our down time? There has got to be an a better way to let loose and have fun that doesn't involve peeing every five minutes once the seal is broken as they say. A way that doesn't involve saying things you're going to regret after drunk dialing a loved one. A way that doesn't involve losing consciousness.
So until we as a society evolve to that point I'm hear to announce that I will no longer be going out. And this isn't one of those empty promises you make when you're hungover and you say that you're never going to drink ever again. I'm actually saying that I will never go out to another bar and I mean it. Okay, well knowing me I will probably be out with Brian at Riverfront this weekend. But that's only because I just moved here and still want to meet people. Once I get settled here I will make sure that I never go out ever again! And you can take that to the bank. Along with the $5 left over from your last paycheck.
*Coming tomorrow - Shames on holidays.
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Girlfriend of the Week: Natalie Portman
For the first time ever we have a repeat girlfriend of the week. Fittingly it's one of my all time favorites, Natalie Portman. This time Ms. Portman gets selected in honor of her role as Evey in V for Vendetta which I finally saw after a month of trying.
First I got lost on the way to the theatre with Russell in New York. Then I got a flat tire in Virginia when I wanted to be in South Carolina by 5 pm in order to watch it that night during my road trip. After arriving in Florida, I learned that my roommate had already seen it. Dismayed but not detered I finally just sucked up it and went by myself on a random Tuesday night at 10 pm, while sick with a cold, just to finally see the damn thing.
And it was well worth it. If nothing else, just to see Natalie with a shaved head and think to myself, 'yeah, I still would.'
First I got lost on the way to the theatre with Russell in New York. Then I got a flat tire in Virginia when I wanted to be in South Carolina by 5 pm in order to watch it that night during my road trip. After arriving in Florida, I learned that my roommate had already seen it. Dismayed but not detered I finally just sucked up it and went by myself on a random Tuesday night at 10 pm, while sick with a cold, just to finally see the damn thing.
And it was well worth it. If nothing else, just to see Natalie with a shaved head and think to myself, 'yeah, I still would.'
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Week In Review
Random thoughts from the last week:
Is there anything more ironic than that Ne- yo song where he talks about not wanting to hear love songs on the radio anymore? Um, newsflash Ne-yo, but your song is a fucking love song! And it's always on the radio!
Speaking of Ne-yo isn't he the guy that the annoying announcer from the And 1 mix tape tour is always referring to whenever there's a good play? A-yo!
Why do they call it a cold if you get a fever? Shouldn't it be a hot?
The other day I was so tired that I watched a movie on Telemundo for a good ten minutes before I realized that it was in Spanish!
I hate when a new study comes out and says that something isn't good for you. I don't even think that milk is good for you anymore. And no one knows for sure whether you should or shouldn't drink a glass of wine a day. For once, I just want a study to come out that says everything's bad for you so eat whatever the hell you want.
Do our feet tap the way a dog's tail wags?
Does anybody else kind of miss 'Amish in the City'?
Brian's friend Scott had the line of the week when he said that if I were a singer I would be the Chewbacca formerly known as the Jew.
So far I've met a few people who've had some advice for me. On Friday while eating at a resturant on the beach my server who I'll call 'crazy ass server guy' said that it's really easy to pick up a girl down here. All you have to do is look at a girl and she'll be yours. Interesting. On the other hand the bank teller at the bank I joined warned me to move out of here before Hurricane season. Very interesting.
Is there anything more ironic than that Ne- yo song where he talks about not wanting to hear love songs on the radio anymore? Um, newsflash Ne-yo, but your song is a fucking love song! And it's always on the radio!
Speaking of Ne-yo isn't he the guy that the annoying announcer from the And 1 mix tape tour is always referring to whenever there's a good play? A-yo!
Why do they call it a cold if you get a fever? Shouldn't it be a hot?
The other day I was so tired that I watched a movie on Telemundo for a good ten minutes before I realized that it was in Spanish!
I hate when a new study comes out and says that something isn't good for you. I don't even think that milk is good for you anymore. And no one knows for sure whether you should or shouldn't drink a glass of wine a day. For once, I just want a study to come out that says everything's bad for you so eat whatever the hell you want.
Do our feet tap the way a dog's tail wags?
Does anybody else kind of miss 'Amish in the City'?
Brian's friend Scott had the line of the week when he said that if I were a singer I would be the Chewbacca formerly known as the Jew.
So far I've met a few people who've had some advice for me. On Friday while eating at a resturant on the beach my server who I'll call 'crazy ass server guy' said that it's really easy to pick up a girl down here. All you have to do is look at a girl and she'll be yours. Interesting. On the other hand the bank teller at the bank I joined warned me to move out of here before Hurricane season. Very interesting.
Friday, April 14, 2006
Setting The Record Straight
With so many people criticizing me lately for my handling of fantasy sports I just wanted to take the time to set the record straight. So, Hernandez, Chen, Darren, and Roll brothers pull up a chair, open up a nice cold one, and pay close attention because this is for you.
First off, I'm not obsessed with fantasy sports. I don't know why you would make such allegations. It's not like I go around calling myself a fantasy god. Or spend several hours a day checking my lineups in over 20 leagues.
Okay, I'll admit it. Perhaps I am a little bit too involved. But you have to understand where I'm coming from. I'm not good at real sports like some of you are and since MLB teams won't hire me this is the closest that I can get to the game that I love. I really enjoy participating in fantasy leagues, mixing it up with my friends, and trying to prove that I know enough to be a real life GM.
Maybe I take things a little bit too seriously but that's only because I want it to mimic the intensity of real life. It bothers me when there are dead teams and people don't take the leagues they are in seriously. I understand that it's only a hobby for most people and that they probably have more important things going on in their life than checking their teams. But I don't. Fantasy sports are my one hobby and since I'm at a time in my life when I'm in a new place without a girlfriend, job, or many friends the leagues that I'm in take that much more precedent in my life.
However, I'm not as obsessed as everyone thinks that I am in that it's not life or death for me. I don't get up to the minute stats sent to me via my mobile phone. I don't check my team every hour. I don't scour the waiver wire or check other team's roster more than anyone else does. I just care about my teams and since yahoo has a feature where you can win trophies for finishing in the top three I want them to do well so that I can add to my trophy case. Other than that my level of involvement or obsession level is just the same as yours. The only difference is that the perception around me is that I'm obsessed since I get on people for not caring about their teams.
And for that I apologize. From now on I'm only going to care about my own involvement and not worry about what other people are doing. Ideally I will one day be in a competitive league where every owner is active but then again I also hope to one day wake up next to Keira Knightley. Since neither is likely to ever happen I want to move on to my next point.
Which is defining what is a fair way to run a league. The way I see it is that you have to be consistent. In baseball, there should be the same number of hitting and pitching categories. Conversly, you should either have innings pitched and games played limits or don't have them at all. You can't have limits for pitchers but not for hitters and vice versa. So just be consistent there. Personally, I feel that you should have limits for both since that's the only way to ensure that every owner has the same opportunity to amass points.
Some of you have argued that as long as everyone can start whoever they want then it's fair. But to me equal access to players is not what dictates fairness. To me you have to level the playing field and the only way to do that is to make sure each position is limited to 162 games of eligibility. That way the best team wins not necessarily the team that starts the most players.
I don't see how that point can be counterargued and yet it has by several people that I used to believe were smart. How they can argue that it's fair to start whoever they want is beyond me. It's just not fair. There's nothing they can say against that. It's just not fair. If they wanted to they could say that they prefer to do it a different way and I would buy that. I would even buy the arguement that it's more fun to have a limitless league so that you can actually use all of your bench players. But I can't buy the fact that it's fair because it's simply not. So, just keep that in mind when arguing with me. You'll never convince me that it's fair because logically it's not. You can only try to convince me that it's more fun which is a debate I'd be willing to take up with you.
And on that note I'm going to head out and take a dump before my 16th and final fantasy draft of the year kicks off. But before I do I just want to say one last thing. I may be overzealous and over bearing at times but I do it for the love of the game. Say what you will about me but always remember that if nothing else I have finally found something that I'm good at. And I have no intention of stopping anytime soon.
First off, I'm not obsessed with fantasy sports. I don't know why you would make such allegations. It's not like I go around calling myself a fantasy god. Or spend several hours a day checking my lineups in over 20 leagues.
Okay, I'll admit it. Perhaps I am a little bit too involved. But you have to understand where I'm coming from. I'm not good at real sports like some of you are and since MLB teams won't hire me this is the closest that I can get to the game that I love. I really enjoy participating in fantasy leagues, mixing it up with my friends, and trying to prove that I know enough to be a real life GM.
Maybe I take things a little bit too seriously but that's only because I want it to mimic the intensity of real life. It bothers me when there are dead teams and people don't take the leagues they are in seriously. I understand that it's only a hobby for most people and that they probably have more important things going on in their life than checking their teams. But I don't. Fantasy sports are my one hobby and since I'm at a time in my life when I'm in a new place without a girlfriend, job, or many friends the leagues that I'm in take that much more precedent in my life.
However, I'm not as obsessed as everyone thinks that I am in that it's not life or death for me. I don't get up to the minute stats sent to me via my mobile phone. I don't check my team every hour. I don't scour the waiver wire or check other team's roster more than anyone else does. I just care about my teams and since yahoo has a feature where you can win trophies for finishing in the top three I want them to do well so that I can add to my trophy case. Other than that my level of involvement or obsession level is just the same as yours. The only difference is that the perception around me is that I'm obsessed since I get on people for not caring about their teams.
And for that I apologize. From now on I'm only going to care about my own involvement and not worry about what other people are doing. Ideally I will one day be in a competitive league where every owner is active but then again I also hope to one day wake up next to Keira Knightley. Since neither is likely to ever happen I want to move on to my next point.
Which is defining what is a fair way to run a league. The way I see it is that you have to be consistent. In baseball, there should be the same number of hitting and pitching categories. Conversly, you should either have innings pitched and games played limits or don't have them at all. You can't have limits for pitchers but not for hitters and vice versa. So just be consistent there. Personally, I feel that you should have limits for both since that's the only way to ensure that every owner has the same opportunity to amass points.
Some of you have argued that as long as everyone can start whoever they want then it's fair. But to me equal access to players is not what dictates fairness. To me you have to level the playing field and the only way to do that is to make sure each position is limited to 162 games of eligibility. That way the best team wins not necessarily the team that starts the most players.
I don't see how that point can be counterargued and yet it has by several people that I used to believe were smart. How they can argue that it's fair to start whoever they want is beyond me. It's just not fair. There's nothing they can say against that. It's just not fair. If they wanted to they could say that they prefer to do it a different way and I would buy that. I would even buy the arguement that it's more fun to have a limitless league so that you can actually use all of your bench players. But I can't buy the fact that it's fair because it's simply not. So, just keep that in mind when arguing with me. You'll never convince me that it's fair because logically it's not. You can only try to convince me that it's more fun which is a debate I'd be willing to take up with you.
And on that note I'm going to head out and take a dump before my 16th and final fantasy draft of the year kicks off. But before I do I just want to say one last thing. I may be overzealous and over bearing at times but I do it for the love of the game. Say what you will about me but always remember that if nothing else I have finally found something that I'm good at. And I have no intention of stopping anytime soon.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Adjusting to FLA
As most of you could have expected I'm having somewhat of a tough time adjusting to life in Florida. I'm not ready to pack it in and return home so none of you have to worry about losing your free housing for your next Florida visit just yet. But it's certainly a possibility down the road at this rate.
I got off to a rough start because I was having trouble falling asleep at first since my room faced the street where noise from car traffic was keeping me up. Combine those distractions with the fact that I had a lot on my mind and I could barely fall asleep that first week. In fact, I have still yet to go to bed before 3 am.
I got so worn down from not sleeping that I now have a cold that I have been unable to shake since Saturday. Feeling sluggish from irregular sleep has led to my lack of desire to job hunt or do any of the errands that I need to do. So while the weather may be nicer I've actually digressed self esteem wise since coming here.
I mean it wasn't supposed to be this way. I was supposed to be reinvirgorated by the move. Reenergized to the point where I would actually be the out going, fun loving guy I know I'm capable of being but that was buried under a mountain of self imposed sanctions in New York. But instead I'm sulking around, acting all depressed, and in general just being bummed out that I can't get a job.
Perhaps I'm putting too much pressure on myself to find a job and make this move work. I mean it has only been a week and a half so far. But with as much financial stress as I'm under I don't think I'll truly be able to relax and enjoy my new surroundings until I'm in a comfortable financial position. Which won't happen until I can find a good job. Which won't happen until I can get the energy to look. Which won't happen until I can start sleeping better.
To that end I moved Tuesday night into the other bedroom, away from the street, and I hope that my new room will ease my sleeping problems. Once this annoying cold goes away I'll be able to start working out, going out and meeting people, and getting into a routine.
As I said before I'm not ready to pack it in just yet. I'm just frustrated that I've been here for 10 days with nothing to show for it. But it's early still in the process. Which is the good part about Florida. It feels early even when it's late.
I got off to a rough start because I was having trouble falling asleep at first since my room faced the street where noise from car traffic was keeping me up. Combine those distractions with the fact that I had a lot on my mind and I could barely fall asleep that first week. In fact, I have still yet to go to bed before 3 am.
I got so worn down from not sleeping that I now have a cold that I have been unable to shake since Saturday. Feeling sluggish from irregular sleep has led to my lack of desire to job hunt or do any of the errands that I need to do. So while the weather may be nicer I've actually digressed self esteem wise since coming here.
I mean it wasn't supposed to be this way. I was supposed to be reinvirgorated by the move. Reenergized to the point where I would actually be the out going, fun loving guy I know I'm capable of being but that was buried under a mountain of self imposed sanctions in New York. But instead I'm sulking around, acting all depressed, and in general just being bummed out that I can't get a job.
Perhaps I'm putting too much pressure on myself to find a job and make this move work. I mean it has only been a week and a half so far. But with as much financial stress as I'm under I don't think I'll truly be able to relax and enjoy my new surroundings until I'm in a comfortable financial position. Which won't happen until I can find a good job. Which won't happen until I can get the energy to look. Which won't happen until I can start sleeping better.
To that end I moved Tuesday night into the other bedroom, away from the street, and I hope that my new room will ease my sleeping problems. Once this annoying cold goes away I'll be able to start working out, going out and meeting people, and getting into a routine.
As I said before I'm not ready to pack it in just yet. I'm just frustrated that I've been here for 10 days with nothing to show for it. But it's early still in the process. Which is the good part about Florida. It feels early even when it's late.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Funny Jobs
One of my favorite things to do at my old job was to tell someone what job I could see them doing. I don't know why but there was just something funny about telling a grown man that he should quit his job and sell hotdogs.
You should definitely try it out the next time you're on a date or hanging out with friends in a bar. If you do here are some of my favorite funny jobs . Check it out and then let me know if I'm missing any.
Funny jobs:
The guy with the toothbrush who looks for fossils.
Peep booth janitor.
Hot dog vendor.
Toll booth attendant.
The lifeguard at a water park who tells you when it's okay to slide.
'Safety Engineer' for roller coasters.
Ventriliquist's dummy.
The mall security guard who rides around on a scooter.
Zookeeper.
For a male - Yoga instructor.
For a female - porn gaffer.
For a male - Woman's shoe salesman.
Used car salesman.
Travelling bible salesman.
For a male - Girlscout troupe leader.
Park ranger.
Milkman.
For a female - kneepad tester.
Dog walker.
The voice for books on tape.
Cruise ship activities director.
Ebay salesman.
For a male - event planner.
Motivational speaker.
You should definitely try it out the next time you're on a date or hanging out with friends in a bar. If you do here are some of my favorite funny jobs . Check it out and then let me know if I'm missing any.
Funny jobs:
The guy with the toothbrush who looks for fossils.
Peep booth janitor.
Hot dog vendor.
Toll booth attendant.
The lifeguard at a water park who tells you when it's okay to slide.
'Safety Engineer' for roller coasters.
Ventriliquist's dummy.
The mall security guard who rides around on a scooter.
Zookeeper.
For a male - Yoga instructor.
For a female - porn gaffer.
For a male - Woman's shoe salesman.
Used car salesman.
Travelling bible salesman.
For a male - Girlscout troupe leader.
Park ranger.
Milkman.
For a female - kneepad tester.
Dog walker.
The voice for books on tape.
Cruise ship activities director.
Ebay salesman.
For a male - event planner.
Motivational speaker.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
What's Up With Florida?
One week in and I'm a little bit confused. I don't understand how people can live under these conditions. Sure it's a simpler life style. More laid back for sure. But this is taking it too far. The way of life that I had grown accustomed to in New York is a foreign concept to these people. I just might have to run for public office so that I can fix this place up. Consider:
1. There are no delis!!!! - If you want to get a sandwich you have to go the deli counter inside the Quickymart at the nearest gas station. Either that or pick them up in the grocery store. The problem with that is that you have to take a number and wait in line while every soccer mom in the town buys their grocieries for the week. Each order takes about 20 minutes so even if you are only 3 numbers away you still have to wait about an hour. It's not a system that's designed for the guy who just wants one sandwich.
That's why I don't understand why there are no deli's. The kind of place where you walk in and there's a long counter with salads, homemade side dishes, and of course Boar's Head deli meats. Throw in a couple of refrigerated sliding doors with drinks in them, a rack or two filled with chips, and a newspaper stand and you're in business. And yet no such place exists down here. When I ask my roommate why there are no delis he responds by saying yes there are they are just at Publix. That's not a deli! That's a deli counter in a supermarket!
Which is why I'm going to open a deli down here. It doesn't even have to be any good. I could probably call it 'The World's Worst Deli'. It doesn't matter. All that matters is that I can get Roast Beef on a roll in under 10 minutes.
2. Everything is drawn to scale!!! - The other day, and I kid you not, it took me 45 minutes to walk around the block. Anytime you want to cross the street make sure you leave 10 minutes. That's because it takes five minutes just to look each way. It's crazy. And that's for me. Can you imagine how many times an old lady crosses the street and gets stuck in the middle of the road because the light changed too quickly. How you can design streets this wide with such an elderly population is beyond me.
This isn't a suburb. It's a small city. In fact, the population is approximately 11,700 which is about what a small city would be. The city planners need to rethink things here and cater more towards the demographics that make up their population.
Driving is also a pain in the ass. You're constantly making u-turns because there's never anywhere to turn left. Zoolander would not be able to live here. And I don't think I can either unless they shorten these streets!
3. Everything else! - As Yogi would say it gets late early. And I don't mean that in the wintery sense we're all accustomed to where it gets dark at 4:30. I mean that in that it'll feel like it's only 5 pm but it'll really be 9:30 pm. Which really can mess with your biological clock. Throw in a lizard to person ratio of 10:1, early bird specials, and old people driving and I honestly can't figure out how this place stays in business. Quick, somebody get me a small business loan!
1. There are no delis!!!! - If you want to get a sandwich you have to go the deli counter inside the Quickymart at the nearest gas station. Either that or pick them up in the grocery store. The problem with that is that you have to take a number and wait in line while every soccer mom in the town buys their grocieries for the week. Each order takes about 20 minutes so even if you are only 3 numbers away you still have to wait about an hour. It's not a system that's designed for the guy who just wants one sandwich.
That's why I don't understand why there are no deli's. The kind of place where you walk in and there's a long counter with salads, homemade side dishes, and of course Boar's Head deli meats. Throw in a couple of refrigerated sliding doors with drinks in them, a rack or two filled with chips, and a newspaper stand and you're in business. And yet no such place exists down here. When I ask my roommate why there are no delis he responds by saying yes there are they are just at Publix. That's not a deli! That's a deli counter in a supermarket!
Which is why I'm going to open a deli down here. It doesn't even have to be any good. I could probably call it 'The World's Worst Deli'. It doesn't matter. All that matters is that I can get Roast Beef on a roll in under 10 minutes.
2. Everything is drawn to scale!!! - The other day, and I kid you not, it took me 45 minutes to walk around the block. Anytime you want to cross the street make sure you leave 10 minutes. That's because it takes five minutes just to look each way. It's crazy. And that's for me. Can you imagine how many times an old lady crosses the street and gets stuck in the middle of the road because the light changed too quickly. How you can design streets this wide with such an elderly population is beyond me.
This isn't a suburb. It's a small city. In fact, the population is approximately 11,700 which is about what a small city would be. The city planners need to rethink things here and cater more towards the demographics that make up their population.
Driving is also a pain in the ass. You're constantly making u-turns because there's never anywhere to turn left. Zoolander would not be able to live here. And I don't think I can either unless they shorten these streets!
3. Everything else! - As Yogi would say it gets late early. And I don't mean that in the wintery sense we're all accustomed to where it gets dark at 4:30. I mean that in that it'll feel like it's only 5 pm but it'll really be 9:30 pm. Which really can mess with your biological clock. Throw in a lizard to person ratio of 10:1, early bird specials, and old people driving and I honestly can't figure out how this place stays in business. Quick, somebody get me a small business loan!
Monday, April 10, 2006
Budget Living
You know you're on a budget when...
You just don't add water to your orange juice, you also add it to your shampoo.
Your beer of choice is Natty Ice.
Your idea of doing laundry is turning your underwear inside out.
You eat brunch and linner so that you only have to spend money on 2 meals a day.
You're straight but the only rack that you're interested in is the sales rack.
You carry around more coupons than the Sunday paper.
You'll drive an hour out of the way, wasting gas in the process, just to save money.
You're idea of going to the mall is hanging out on that grassy knoll by your house.
You could go on a date but you'd rather eat them.
You make Jewish people look like big spenders.
You give advice to waitresses when leaving a tip.
Your newspaper doubles as your toiletpaper.
You use ceran wrap to save money on condoms.
The only splurging that goes on is in your pants late at night.
You just don't add water to your orange juice, you also add it to your shampoo.
Your beer of choice is Natty Ice.
Your idea of doing laundry is turning your underwear inside out.
You eat brunch and linner so that you only have to spend money on 2 meals a day.
You're straight but the only rack that you're interested in is the sales rack.
You carry around more coupons than the Sunday paper.
You'll drive an hour out of the way, wasting gas in the process, just to save money.
You're idea of going to the mall is hanging out on that grassy knoll by your house.
You could go on a date but you'd rather eat them.
You make Jewish people look like big spenders.
You give advice to waitresses when leaving a tip.
Your newspaper doubles as your toiletpaper.
You use ceran wrap to save money on condoms.
The only splurging that goes on is in your pants late at night.
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Girlfriend of the Week: Giada
Now that I'm on my own it's going to be a struggle for me to learn how to cook. Like most men I can heat things up in the microwave, use the toaster, or boil pasta in a pot. However, you won't see my hosting holiday dinners or preparting gourmet meals anytime soon. But that's okay.
You see, there's a big difference between learning how to cook for yourself and learning how to cook for others. Not to be selfish but I have no desire to learn how to make a tuna caserole since that's not something that I eat. I really just want to learn how to BBQ, make pancakes, and chicken cutlets and maybe a few more things. But other than those choice meals the rest of my calorie intake is probably going to come from my close friends at Pizzatime, McDonalds, and KFC. Which is okay by me as long as it's not an everyday occurence.
Since I'm so lazy it's hard for me to have the energy/desire to cook on a daily basis. Picking up fast food is the easy way out most nights. But that's not the long term answer. I need to learn how to cook in order to impress the ladies. And for that I need a teacher. And who better to teach me than the lovely Giada DeLaurentis who is currently hosting the food network show 'Everyday Italian'. If she was showing me how to cook I would be all ears. All corn ears that is.
You see, there's a big difference between learning how to cook for yourself and learning how to cook for others. Not to be selfish but I have no desire to learn how to make a tuna caserole since that's not something that I eat. I really just want to learn how to BBQ, make pancakes, and chicken cutlets and maybe a few more things. But other than those choice meals the rest of my calorie intake is probably going to come from my close friends at Pizzatime, McDonalds, and KFC. Which is okay by me as long as it's not an everyday occurence.
Since I'm so lazy it's hard for me to have the energy/desire to cook on a daily basis. Picking up fast food is the easy way out most nights. But that's not the long term answer. I need to learn how to cook in order to impress the ladies. And for that I need a teacher. And who better to teach me than the lovely Giada DeLaurentis who is currently hosting the food network show 'Everyday Italian'. If she was showing me how to cook I would be all ears. All corn ears that is.
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Week In Review
Random thoughts from my first week in Florida:
Circuit City is officially retarded. I went there this week to buy a new ethernet card for my laptop. The store price was $60. The online price was $40. I asked if I could get the online price in the store. They said no. So, I called my sister and she ordered the product online for me. Then selected the in store pick up option. And in front of a dumbfounded salesman I had bought the ethernet card in the store for the online price. Why they couldn't just sell it to me at the online price, I don't know. And that's why Circuit City is retarded.
I hate lizards. I wouldn't mind them if they kept to the grassy areas but they scurry up and down the wall outside my apartment and startled me everytime I come in or out of my place. The only thing I hate more than lizards are jackhammers going off early in the morning on the weekend! F'ing jackhammers!
I'm also having trouble falling asleep at night because my room is on the street and the sound of cars driving by is very annoying. In fact it's probably the second most annoying sound of all time. The first: the sound of Gilbert Godfrey and Fran Drescher having sex.
I always laugh everytime I see a sign on the parkway that says speed limit enforced by radar. Like that's really going to stop someone from speeding if they really wanted to. What's next? A sign that reads, "speed limit enforced by honor system"?
I don't know why they call the hand cramps that you get from typing too much carpal tunnel syndrome. The hand cramps you get from leaving your hand on the radio dial while searching for something good to listen to while in the car should be called carpal tunnel syndrome.
While in South Carolina I went to a Burger King across from the hotel I was staying at. I stood in line for 45 minutes just to get a whopper! That's how slow this place was. Now I can understand waiting if I ordered something weird like a fish fillet. But I ordered a hamburger. The one thing that Burger King should have is burgers!
Salvo had the line of the week when in response to my away message that said 'FUCKING JACKHAMMER' he said, "That's what the ladies call me."
I've got to be the only person who can catch a cold in 80 degree weather.
Circuit City is officially retarded. I went there this week to buy a new ethernet card for my laptop. The store price was $60. The online price was $40. I asked if I could get the online price in the store. They said no. So, I called my sister and she ordered the product online for me. Then selected the in store pick up option. And in front of a dumbfounded salesman I had bought the ethernet card in the store for the online price. Why they couldn't just sell it to me at the online price, I don't know. And that's why Circuit City is retarded.
I hate lizards. I wouldn't mind them if they kept to the grassy areas but they scurry up and down the wall outside my apartment and startled me everytime I come in or out of my place. The only thing I hate more than lizards are jackhammers going off early in the morning on the weekend! F'ing jackhammers!
I'm also having trouble falling asleep at night because my room is on the street and the sound of cars driving by is very annoying. In fact it's probably the second most annoying sound of all time. The first: the sound of Gilbert Godfrey and Fran Drescher having sex.
I always laugh everytime I see a sign on the parkway that says speed limit enforced by radar. Like that's really going to stop someone from speeding if they really wanted to. What's next? A sign that reads, "speed limit enforced by honor system"?
I don't know why they call the hand cramps that you get from typing too much carpal tunnel syndrome. The hand cramps you get from leaving your hand on the radio dial while searching for something good to listen to while in the car should be called carpal tunnel syndrome.
While in South Carolina I went to a Burger King across from the hotel I was staying at. I stood in line for 45 minutes just to get a whopper! That's how slow this place was. Now I can understand waiting if I ordered something weird like a fish fillet. But I ordered a hamburger. The one thing that Burger King should have is burgers!
Salvo had the line of the week when in response to my away message that said 'FUCKING JACKHAMMER' he said, "That's what the ladies call me."
I've got to be the only person who can catch a cold in 80 degree weather.
Friday, April 07, 2006
What Really Happened
As you probably could tell nothing I described over the last two days actually happened. Well almost nothing. I actually did get a flat tire. But other than that nothing out of the ordinary happened. That was just my crazy imagination working overtime. But if you want a dose of reality here's a real look at my roadrip.
By the numbers:
120 - Amount of money spent on gas
40 - Amount of money spent on strippers
100 - Highest speed reached
10 - Lowest speed reached
1 - Number of donuts driven with
30 - Number of donuts eaten
20,000 - Milestone mileage surpassed
What I was thinking about while driving:
1. What happened on Lost last week
2. The song lyrics to Kelly Clarkson's latest song
3. Fictional things that I could make up happening to me for this blog
4. How good the Yankees lineup is going to be
5. The multi-media holding company that I want to start
6. How I really wanted to drive out at night to increase my chances of seeing a UFO
7. How much longer can I go past empty before I need to get gas
My new life in Florida was actually like 17th on the list
By the numbers:
120 - Amount of money spent on gas
40 - Amount of money spent on strippers
100 - Highest speed reached
10 - Lowest speed reached
1 - Number of donuts driven with
30 - Number of donuts eaten
20,000 - Milestone mileage surpassed
What I was thinking about while driving:
1. What happened on Lost last week
2. The song lyrics to Kelly Clarkson's latest song
3. Fictional things that I could make up happening to me for this blog
4. How good the Yankees lineup is going to be
5. The multi-media holding company that I want to start
6. How I really wanted to drive out at night to increase my chances of seeing a UFO
7. How much longer can I go past empty before I need to get gas
My new life in Florida was actually like 17th on the list
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Road Trip Recap, Part Two
While I was waiting for my car to get fixed I went into a nearby Applebee's to get something to eat. Instead of ordering some food, I sat down at the bar because if there was ever a time to get a drink this was it. I ordered my patented screwdriver and watched sports highlights on ESPN.
Over time I struck up a conversation with the bartender, an unsavory character named Chuck. He asked me what I was up to and as I told him that I was on my way to Florida I could sense movement behind me. Apparently I had aroused the suspicions of a group of college students from George Mason University. With the Final Four in full swing they were gung ho about George Mason and hated everything related to Florida. Including me!
The leader of the group, a fast talking, backwards hat wearing, keg stand drinking ass clown walked up to me, looked me up and down, and then proceeded to grab my shirt collar into a bunch slightly choking me. As he pulled me closer to him he said, "we don't like your kind in these parts. Why don't you step outside and show us how tough you Florida boys really are."
I should have just corrected him and said that I was really from New York and actually rooting for George Mason to win but at that point I was too tired to argue so I followed them outside. As we got out into the parking lot I started to have flashbacks to the last fight I was in when I shattered Brian Feldman's face in five places. This looked like it would be different though because there were six liquored up college guys surrounding me each one with a pitt bull look in their eyes.
Figuring that I was about to receive the beating of a lifetime I knew that I once again had to think fast. Luckily for me, there was a guy on a business trip who looked a lot like Florida head coach Billy Donovan complete with greased back black hair walking through the parking lot. So I did as any red blooded American would and yelled out, "hey isn't that Billy Donovan over there!" Before that guy knew what hit him he had six guys pummeling him and I was on my way back to Goodyear.
It was pretty much smooth sailing from there until I got towards the southern part of North Carolina. It was at that point that two cop cars appeared out of nowhere and started giving chase to me. I was only doing 80 mph in a 70 mph zone so I didn't think it was related to speeding. Worried that they were only after me because of my New York license plate, I pressed on.
For about the next half hour I outran the cops at speeds well over 100 mph. I felt like I was on an episode of the World's Craziest Police Chases when suddenly the cops stopped giving chased. I couldn't figure out why at first but not one to question my sudden change of fate I slowed down and joined the rest of the cars doing 65 mph in the right lane. Looking around at my surroundings, checking to make sure there weren't more cops pursuing me, I quickly realized why they had stopped pursuing me. I was now in an area called 'South of the Border', a tourist attraction between North and South Carolina thats supposed to mimic the experience of going to Mexico complete with the world's greatest miniature golf course. Apparently, the cops thought that they would be going out of their jurisdiction if they crossed 'the border' and stopped giving chase. It never occured to them that it wasn't a real border and just a tourist attraction still within U.S. borders. Man, you gotta love Southern intellect.
It truly was smooth sailing from there as I didn't run into any more car trouble, cop trouble, or college kid trouble. After a pit stop in South Carolina saturday night I arrived in Coral Springs, Florida in time for dinner on Sunday night. A long, tiring journey but well worth it. Take that, Frodo Baggins.
***Tune in tomorrow to find out what really happened on my trip!***
Over time I struck up a conversation with the bartender, an unsavory character named Chuck. He asked me what I was up to and as I told him that I was on my way to Florida I could sense movement behind me. Apparently I had aroused the suspicions of a group of college students from George Mason University. With the Final Four in full swing they were gung ho about George Mason and hated everything related to Florida. Including me!
The leader of the group, a fast talking, backwards hat wearing, keg stand drinking ass clown walked up to me, looked me up and down, and then proceeded to grab my shirt collar into a bunch slightly choking me. As he pulled me closer to him he said, "we don't like your kind in these parts. Why don't you step outside and show us how tough you Florida boys really are."
I should have just corrected him and said that I was really from New York and actually rooting for George Mason to win but at that point I was too tired to argue so I followed them outside. As we got out into the parking lot I started to have flashbacks to the last fight I was in when I shattered Brian Feldman's face in five places. This looked like it would be different though because there were six liquored up college guys surrounding me each one with a pitt bull look in their eyes.
Figuring that I was about to receive the beating of a lifetime I knew that I once again had to think fast. Luckily for me, there was a guy on a business trip who looked a lot like Florida head coach Billy Donovan complete with greased back black hair walking through the parking lot. So I did as any red blooded American would and yelled out, "hey isn't that Billy Donovan over there!" Before that guy knew what hit him he had six guys pummeling him and I was on my way back to Goodyear.
It was pretty much smooth sailing from there until I got towards the southern part of North Carolina. It was at that point that two cop cars appeared out of nowhere and started giving chase to me. I was only doing 80 mph in a 70 mph zone so I didn't think it was related to speeding. Worried that they were only after me because of my New York license plate, I pressed on.
For about the next half hour I outran the cops at speeds well over 100 mph. I felt like I was on an episode of the World's Craziest Police Chases when suddenly the cops stopped giving chased. I couldn't figure out why at first but not one to question my sudden change of fate I slowed down and joined the rest of the cars doing 65 mph in the right lane. Looking around at my surroundings, checking to make sure there weren't more cops pursuing me, I quickly realized why they had stopped pursuing me. I was now in an area called 'South of the Border', a tourist attraction between North and South Carolina thats supposed to mimic the experience of going to Mexico complete with the world's greatest miniature golf course. Apparently, the cops thought that they would be going out of their jurisdiction if they crossed 'the border' and stopped giving chase. It never occured to them that it wasn't a real border and just a tourist attraction still within U.S. borders. Man, you gotta love Southern intellect.
It truly was smooth sailing from there as I didn't run into any more car trouble, cop trouble, or college kid trouble. After a pit stop in South Carolina saturday night I arrived in Coral Springs, Florida in time for dinner on Sunday night. A long, tiring journey but well worth it. Take that, Frodo Baggins.
***Tune in tomorrow to find out what really happened on my trip!***
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Road Trip Recap, Part One
Well, it took 4 days but I have finally made it to sunny South Florida and after a few days of unpacking and getting settled I'm finally ready to relate my crazy road trip story to everyone. I hope you're sitting down for this because what I'm about to describe to you is one of the craziest weekends of my life.
It all started innocently enough as I made my way Thursday night to south Jersey to visit my friend Mike. We wanted to go out in style so it was either a bank roll busting trip to AC or a 'bank roll' busting trip to the infamous strip club the Go Go Rama. I chose the Rama for obvious reasons.
As I drove down the Garden State Parkway towards the Rama I suddenly became very quesy. I had that same kind of nervous pit in your stomach that you get when you're talking to a girl that you like for the first time. I wasn't sure if it was because I was nervous about moving to Florida or nervous about touching boobies. Probably a combination of both.
Eventually, Mike got out of work and we hit up the Rama. After swapping business proposals, including my idea for a drive thru strip club, we headed into the lounge area for lap dances. Everything was going great until I left and the bouncer noticed that my pants were falling down. Turns out that I had lost my top bottom just before leaving New York but hadn't realized it. The bouncer did though and thought that I was up to no good. Before I could even pull my pants up I heard a voice yell out, "hey you, come here, this isn't that kind of place!"
I tried to make a run for it but half way to the door I slipped on some lube and fell straight back onto a used condom. The bouncers took this opportunity to pick me up and throw me out of the club Al Bundy style, making sure to hit me into as many inanimate objects as they could on the way out. Once we were outside they hurled me onto the pavement and kicked a field goal in my ribcage for good measure. At this point I'm thinking that I may have broken a rib but I was still so grossed out from having landed on the used condom that I don't even feel any pain.
Mike comes out of the club 2 minutes later and has the nerve to say, "sorry dude, I saw those guys pummeling you, but I couldn't leave my girl. I still had two minutes left and she was doing this thing with her hips. Oh my god, it was unbelievable. I guess you had to be there. Dude, are you okay, I think you're bleeding internally."
I shook off my injuries because after all, I'm the inter-gender, hardcore champion of the world, and made my way along with Mike and his buddy Moe to a diner. Because hey, what else are you going to do in Jersey? After clogging our arteries we headed back to Mike's place for the night. The next morning I was on my way again, finally stopping in Ashland, Virginia after 6 hours of driving. I was so tired that I went to sleep at 6 pm without a care in the world. When I awoke the next morning that was hardly the case.
That's because when I went to my car to load it up I said to myself, "that's funny but I don't remember parking on a hill. And yet my car is slanted. Holy shit, I've got a flat tire!" And indeed I did. Which was just great. Here I am, by myself, in the middle of nowheresville, Virginia with a flat tire. Luckily, I belong to AAA. Within the hour, a mechanic was on the job, replacing my tire with the donut I had in my trunk. I used that to drive to the nearest mechanic's shop in hopes that they could replace it with a new tire. I even left the old tire behind in the hotel parking lot because I was that sure that I could get a new one.
The shop that I went to was called Wild Willies Wild Repair Shop. I was expecting this to be the kind of place where the guy who works there is also the mayor, sheriff, and judge. Instead, what I got was the assistant manager, Gus, a tall, wirey guy with a handlebar mustache. His coveralls had more grease stains on them than his mouth had teeth. He looked like he could have easily passed for a serial killer in any old Hitchcock movie. Worse yet he smelt like he hadn't taken a bath since his baptism.
Appearance aside, this guy was my meal ticket out of Ashland. With trepidation in my voice I walked up to Gus as he was picking his nose and asked, "I have a flat tire would it be possible to get it replaced today?"
With a thick southern drawl, Gus replied, "well I could have me a loke c at your thar but it ain't gonna git fix it today. You'all gonna have to wat til morrow. I very busey today."
As soon as the words came out his mouth a sickening feeling came over me. It felt like somebody had taken a sledgehammer and hit me in the gut with it. This was the worst possible thing that could have happened to me. I couldn't stay there another night. Where would I have stayed? What would I have done with all my stuff?
With that in mind I took off and headed South towards Richmond. About 5 miles down the road I was back in civilization at a shopping mall that had a Goodyear tire. For $100 they could replace the tire. Finally, some good news! Followed by some bad news. They couldn't do anything without the rim which I had stupidly left behind in the hotel parking lot.
So, I made my way back to the Hampton Inn I had stayed at and hoped that it was still where I had left it. And it was. But so was Gus. He and his co-worker, Bubba, a 6"2', 300 pound freak of nature were pulling up next to it in their Ford pick up truck. I quickly ran over to them and tried to reason with them that it was really mine. They would have none of it though, citing the old finders keepers losers weepers rule that was actually a state law in these parts.
Knowing that I was outnumbered I suggested that since this was the South we settle things like men; with an arm wrestling contest. Gus looked me up and down and figuring that he could take me said okay. We made our way into the hotel lobby and sat down at a table. He then stood up and Bubba sat down in his place. I looked up at Gus and asked what the hell was going on. He said that Bubba could take his place since I challenged both of them and never said anything about him having to do it. Damn it, outsmarted again by someone who didn't even go to high school.
Feeling lucky, I said fuck it and sat down across from Bubba. We locked hands and for a few seconds I actually had the upper hand. Eventually though his massive vice like forearms began to exert their force and I could sense that the end was near. Knowing that I would be stuck in Virginia for days if I didn't get that rim back I acted fast, spitting in Bubba's face and then kicking him in the shin. The sudden pain and pink eye distracted him just enough that I was able to slam his hand down.
As soon as Bubba's hand had hit the table Gus was shouting vehemently that I had cheated. I looked at him, shrugged my shoulders, and said, "hey you never said that I couldn't cheat." And with that I grabbed back the rim and took off towards Goodyear.
***Check back tomorrow for the exciting conclusion to my crazy road trip.***
It all started innocently enough as I made my way Thursday night to south Jersey to visit my friend Mike. We wanted to go out in style so it was either a bank roll busting trip to AC or a 'bank roll' busting trip to the infamous strip club the Go Go Rama. I chose the Rama for obvious reasons.
As I drove down the Garden State Parkway towards the Rama I suddenly became very quesy. I had that same kind of nervous pit in your stomach that you get when you're talking to a girl that you like for the first time. I wasn't sure if it was because I was nervous about moving to Florida or nervous about touching boobies. Probably a combination of both.
Eventually, Mike got out of work and we hit up the Rama. After swapping business proposals, including my idea for a drive thru strip club, we headed into the lounge area for lap dances. Everything was going great until I left and the bouncer noticed that my pants were falling down. Turns out that I had lost my top bottom just before leaving New York but hadn't realized it. The bouncer did though and thought that I was up to no good. Before I could even pull my pants up I heard a voice yell out, "hey you, come here, this isn't that kind of place!"
I tried to make a run for it but half way to the door I slipped on some lube and fell straight back onto a used condom. The bouncers took this opportunity to pick me up and throw me out of the club Al Bundy style, making sure to hit me into as many inanimate objects as they could on the way out. Once we were outside they hurled me onto the pavement and kicked a field goal in my ribcage for good measure. At this point I'm thinking that I may have broken a rib but I was still so grossed out from having landed on the used condom that I don't even feel any pain.
Mike comes out of the club 2 minutes later and has the nerve to say, "sorry dude, I saw those guys pummeling you, but I couldn't leave my girl. I still had two minutes left and she was doing this thing with her hips. Oh my god, it was unbelievable. I guess you had to be there. Dude, are you okay, I think you're bleeding internally."
I shook off my injuries because after all, I'm the inter-gender, hardcore champion of the world, and made my way along with Mike and his buddy Moe to a diner. Because hey, what else are you going to do in Jersey? After clogging our arteries we headed back to Mike's place for the night. The next morning I was on my way again, finally stopping in Ashland, Virginia after 6 hours of driving. I was so tired that I went to sleep at 6 pm without a care in the world. When I awoke the next morning that was hardly the case.
That's because when I went to my car to load it up I said to myself, "that's funny but I don't remember parking on a hill. And yet my car is slanted. Holy shit, I've got a flat tire!" And indeed I did. Which was just great. Here I am, by myself, in the middle of nowheresville, Virginia with a flat tire. Luckily, I belong to AAA. Within the hour, a mechanic was on the job, replacing my tire with the donut I had in my trunk. I used that to drive to the nearest mechanic's shop in hopes that they could replace it with a new tire. I even left the old tire behind in the hotel parking lot because I was that sure that I could get a new one.
The shop that I went to was called Wild Willies Wild Repair Shop. I was expecting this to be the kind of place where the guy who works there is also the mayor, sheriff, and judge. Instead, what I got was the assistant manager, Gus, a tall, wirey guy with a handlebar mustache. His coveralls had more grease stains on them than his mouth had teeth. He looked like he could have easily passed for a serial killer in any old Hitchcock movie. Worse yet he smelt like he hadn't taken a bath since his baptism.
Appearance aside, this guy was my meal ticket out of Ashland. With trepidation in my voice I walked up to Gus as he was picking his nose and asked, "I have a flat tire would it be possible to get it replaced today?"
With a thick southern drawl, Gus replied, "well I could have me a loke c at your thar but it ain't gonna git fix it today. You'all gonna have to wat til morrow. I very busey today."
As soon as the words came out his mouth a sickening feeling came over me. It felt like somebody had taken a sledgehammer and hit me in the gut with it. This was the worst possible thing that could have happened to me. I couldn't stay there another night. Where would I have stayed? What would I have done with all my stuff?
With that in mind I took off and headed South towards Richmond. About 5 miles down the road I was back in civilization at a shopping mall that had a Goodyear tire. For $100 they could replace the tire. Finally, some good news! Followed by some bad news. They couldn't do anything without the rim which I had stupidly left behind in the hotel parking lot.
So, I made my way back to the Hampton Inn I had stayed at and hoped that it was still where I had left it. And it was. But so was Gus. He and his co-worker, Bubba, a 6"2', 300 pound freak of nature were pulling up next to it in their Ford pick up truck. I quickly ran over to them and tried to reason with them that it was really mine. They would have none of it though, citing the old finders keepers losers weepers rule that was actually a state law in these parts.
Knowing that I was outnumbered I suggested that since this was the South we settle things like men; with an arm wrestling contest. Gus looked me up and down and figuring that he could take me said okay. We made our way into the hotel lobby and sat down at a table. He then stood up and Bubba sat down in his place. I looked up at Gus and asked what the hell was going on. He said that Bubba could take his place since I challenged both of them and never said anything about him having to do it. Damn it, outsmarted again by someone who didn't even go to high school.
Feeling lucky, I said fuck it and sat down across from Bubba. We locked hands and for a few seconds I actually had the upper hand. Eventually though his massive vice like forearms began to exert their force and I could sense that the end was near. Knowing that I would be stuck in Virginia for days if I didn't get that rim back I acted fast, spitting in Bubba's face and then kicking him in the shin. The sudden pain and pink eye distracted him just enough that I was able to slam his hand down.
As soon as Bubba's hand had hit the table Gus was shouting vehemently that I had cheated. I looked at him, shrugged my shoulders, and said, "hey you never said that I couldn't cheat." And with that I grabbed back the rim and took off towards Goodyear.
***Check back tomorrow for the exciting conclusion to my crazy road trip.***
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Yankees and Mets Preview
I know that everyone is anxiously awaiting details of my road trip but because it was such an action packed adventure I need more time to recap it all. As such, here's an extended look at the 2006 baseball season with my take on the local teams, the Yankees and Mets.
Mets Preview
All the talking heads and people with bylines are picking the Mets to finally dethrone the Braves in the NL East. We all know that that Braves will never lose so that leaves the Mets to contend for the wild card with the second place team from the NL Central and if you ask me both the Cardinals and Astros are better than them.
So, I'm sorry to say Rob but it looks like the Mets, while better than last year, are still not there yet. Their starting pitching just isn't up to par if Pedro isn't a 100%. They'll have a good year and probably be around .500 but in the end they'll fall short of making the playoffs before finally breaking through next year.
This year should be very exciting though with the likes of Jose Reyes, David Wright, and Carlos Beltran all having good years. Just don't get your hopes up too high when they start the year 8-2 because it won't last.
Yankees Preview
Every year they have a good shot on paper heading into the year but this year I think they are built to win it all. Sure they have an all star at every position and will put up a lot of crooked numbers as their opening day shellacking of the A's will attest to. But it's the little things that add up to a championship and this year's team has all the intangibles it takes to win. They have a great bench featuring Miguel Cairo and Bubba Crosby. They have a deep bullpen with two good lefties in Ron Villone and Mike Myers. And most importantly they have two very important things going for them.
First off, is the presence of new leadoff hitter Johnny Damon who will bring talent and a true tablesetter to the top of their lineup but more importantly than that a new attitude. Remember it was Damon who lead the Red Sox back from 0-3 down in the ALCS two years ago. His demeanor could set the tone for the season and restore the Yankees aura of being a powerhouse team that got away from them the last few years.
Secondly is the team wide recognition that they have to do the little things to win. Expect the Yankees to run, hit and run, bunt, and play small ball whenever possible so they don't have to rely on the long ball as much even though they will probably lead the majors in team homeruns.
All in all, if you take a small ball philosophy on a team that's loaded offensively with a new attidue about them lead by Damon and combine that with the deepest pitching staff and bench they've had during the Torre era at it all could add up to their 27th championship! Which is why I should go now and order the mlb package for DirectTV. I can't miss this.
Mets Preview
All the talking heads and people with bylines are picking the Mets to finally dethrone the Braves in the NL East. We all know that that Braves will never lose so that leaves the Mets to contend for the wild card with the second place team from the NL Central and if you ask me both the Cardinals and Astros are better than them.
So, I'm sorry to say Rob but it looks like the Mets, while better than last year, are still not there yet. Their starting pitching just isn't up to par if Pedro isn't a 100%. They'll have a good year and probably be around .500 but in the end they'll fall short of making the playoffs before finally breaking through next year.
This year should be very exciting though with the likes of Jose Reyes, David Wright, and Carlos Beltran all having good years. Just don't get your hopes up too high when they start the year 8-2 because it won't last.
Yankees Preview
Every year they have a good shot on paper heading into the year but this year I think they are built to win it all. Sure they have an all star at every position and will put up a lot of crooked numbers as their opening day shellacking of the A's will attest to. But it's the little things that add up to a championship and this year's team has all the intangibles it takes to win. They have a great bench featuring Miguel Cairo and Bubba Crosby. They have a deep bullpen with two good lefties in Ron Villone and Mike Myers. And most importantly they have two very important things going for them.
First off, is the presence of new leadoff hitter Johnny Damon who will bring talent and a true tablesetter to the top of their lineup but more importantly than that a new attitude. Remember it was Damon who lead the Red Sox back from 0-3 down in the ALCS two years ago. His demeanor could set the tone for the season and restore the Yankees aura of being a powerhouse team that got away from them the last few years.
Secondly is the team wide recognition that they have to do the little things to win. Expect the Yankees to run, hit and run, bunt, and play small ball whenever possible so they don't have to rely on the long ball as much even though they will probably lead the majors in team homeruns.
All in all, if you take a small ball philosophy on a team that's loaded offensively with a new attidue about them lead by Damon and combine that with the deepest pitching staff and bench they've had during the Torre era at it all could add up to their 27th championship! Which is why I should go now and order the mlb package for DirectTV. I can't miss this.
Monday, April 03, 2006
2K6 Baseball Preview
I've been looking forward to this day for a long time not and not because I was moving to Florida but rather because it marked the beginning of the baseball season. It should be a great season, steriods probe notwithstanding, and here's a look at why:
Shames-o-matic Predictions:
There will be more articles written about steriods than the Kansas City Royals.
David Wells will challenge commissioner Bud Selig to a beer drinking contest.
The WBC, which everyone adored, will be ripped by mid July after several star players come up with injuries that get attributed to what will be known as the 'WBC after affect'.
The Mets will still suck.
The Florida Marlins won't win a single game.
Roger Clemens will come back, retire again, and then come back again before finally retiring once again.
The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim will be renamed the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim of California of the United States of America of North America of the Western Hemisphere of Earth of the Milky Way Galaxy.
The Dodgers will be renamed the Los Angeles Red Sox.
Fans in Washington, D.C. will go home disappointed after a shipment of Alfonso Soriano boblehead dolls fail to show up during a promotional giveaway.
The Cleveland Indians will sign their equipment manager to a long term contract.
Manny Ramirez will run out to left field sans glove after forgetting to bring it with him.
Mark Prior will get hurt. (Hey I already got one right!)
Cincinnatti Reds utilyman Ryan Freel will be this year's Brian Roberts.
Predicted order of finish:
AL East
1. Yankees
2. Red Sox
3. Bluejays
4. Devilrays
5. Orioles
Al Central
1. Whitesox
2. Indians
3. Twins
4. Tigers
5. Royals
Al West
1. Angels
2. A's
3. Rangers
4. Mariners
Nl East
1. Braves
2. Phillies
3. Mets
4. Nationals
5. Marlins
Nl Central
1. Astros
2. Cardinals
3. Cubs
4. Brewers
5. Pirates
6. Reds
Nl West
1. Dodgers
2. Padres
3. Giants
4. Rockies
5. Diamondbacks
Wildcards: Indians, Phillies
World Series: Yankees over the Astros
*Everyone wants a sleeper team....it's the Phillies.
**Everyone's picking the Cardinals to win the NL. They won't even make the playoffs!
Awards:
Al MVP: Alex Rodriguez, Yankees
Al Cy Young: Johan Santana, Twins
Al Rookie of the Year: Ian Kinsler, Rangers
Al Manager of the Year: Joe Torre, Yankees
Nl MVP: Ryan Howard, Phillies
NL Cy Young: Jake Peavy, Padres
NL Rookie of the Year: Ryan Zimmerman, Nationals
Nl Manager of the Year: Charlie Manuel, Phillies
Blowing Up (Players who will have big years):
Young guys who will join the elite: Ryan Howard, Brett Myers, Jorge Cantu, Aramis Ramirez, Jimmy Rollins, Jose Reyes, David Wright, Rich Harden, Vernon Wells, Travis Hafner, Grady Sizemore, Hank Blalock, Jeremy Bonderman, Jake Peavy, Jason Bay, C.C. Sabathia, Jose Contreras, Bobby Jenks, Chase Utley and Miguel Cabrera.
Deep sleepers who you've probably never heard of that will absolutely, positively beyond a shadow of a doubt blow up: Ryan Doumit, Ryan Freel, Rod Barajas, Ervin Santana, Francisco Liriano, Jason Lane, John Patterson, Austin Kearns, Edwin Encarnacion, Clint Barmes, Daniel Caberera and Garrett Atkins.
Veterans you may have forgotten about: Adrian Beltre, Edgar Renteria, Jason Giambi, Ivan Rodriguez, Todd Helton, Magglio Ordonez, JD Drew, and Oliver Perez.
Guys that everyone else is picking to do well that I don't think will but should mention anyway just in case they do: Coco Crisp, Chone Figgins, Prince Fielder, and Josh Beckett.
Shames-o-matic Predictions:
There will be more articles written about steriods than the Kansas City Royals.
David Wells will challenge commissioner Bud Selig to a beer drinking contest.
The WBC, which everyone adored, will be ripped by mid July after several star players come up with injuries that get attributed to what will be known as the 'WBC after affect'.
The Mets will still suck.
The Florida Marlins won't win a single game.
Roger Clemens will come back, retire again, and then come back again before finally retiring once again.
The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim will be renamed the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim of California of the United States of America of North America of the Western Hemisphere of Earth of the Milky Way Galaxy.
The Dodgers will be renamed the Los Angeles Red Sox.
Fans in Washington, D.C. will go home disappointed after a shipment of Alfonso Soriano boblehead dolls fail to show up during a promotional giveaway.
The Cleveland Indians will sign their equipment manager to a long term contract.
Manny Ramirez will run out to left field sans glove after forgetting to bring it with him.
Mark Prior will get hurt. (Hey I already got one right!)
Cincinnatti Reds utilyman Ryan Freel will be this year's Brian Roberts.
Predicted order of finish:
AL East
1. Yankees
2. Red Sox
3. Bluejays
4. Devilrays
5. Orioles
Al Central
1. Whitesox
2. Indians
3. Twins
4. Tigers
5. Royals
Al West
1. Angels
2. A's
3. Rangers
4. Mariners
Nl East
1. Braves
2. Phillies
3. Mets
4. Nationals
5. Marlins
Nl Central
1. Astros
2. Cardinals
3. Cubs
4. Brewers
5. Pirates
6. Reds
Nl West
1. Dodgers
2. Padres
3. Giants
4. Rockies
5. Diamondbacks
Wildcards: Indians, Phillies
World Series: Yankees over the Astros
*Everyone wants a sleeper team....it's the Phillies.
**Everyone's picking the Cardinals to win the NL. They won't even make the playoffs!
Awards:
Al MVP: Alex Rodriguez, Yankees
Al Cy Young: Johan Santana, Twins
Al Rookie of the Year: Ian Kinsler, Rangers
Al Manager of the Year: Joe Torre, Yankees
Nl MVP: Ryan Howard, Phillies
NL Cy Young: Jake Peavy, Padres
NL Rookie of the Year: Ryan Zimmerman, Nationals
Nl Manager of the Year: Charlie Manuel, Phillies
Blowing Up (Players who will have big years):
Young guys who will join the elite: Ryan Howard, Brett Myers, Jorge Cantu, Aramis Ramirez, Jimmy Rollins, Jose Reyes, David Wright, Rich Harden, Vernon Wells, Travis Hafner, Grady Sizemore, Hank Blalock, Jeremy Bonderman, Jake Peavy, Jason Bay, C.C. Sabathia, Jose Contreras, Bobby Jenks, Chase Utley and Miguel Cabrera.
Deep sleepers who you've probably never heard of that will absolutely, positively beyond a shadow of a doubt blow up: Ryan Doumit, Ryan Freel, Rod Barajas, Ervin Santana, Francisco Liriano, Jason Lane, John Patterson, Austin Kearns, Edwin Encarnacion, Clint Barmes, Daniel Caberera and Garrett Atkins.
Veterans you may have forgotten about: Adrian Beltre, Edgar Renteria, Jason Giambi, Ivan Rodriguez, Todd Helton, Magglio Ordonez, JD Drew, and Oliver Perez.
Guys that everyone else is picking to do well that I don't think will but should mention anyway just in case they do: Coco Crisp, Chone Figgins, Prince Fielder, and Josh Beckett.
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Wrestlemania Preview
For all you closet wrestling fans out there here are my Shames-o-matic predictions for the WWE's 22nd annual showcase:
Women's title - Trish Stratus vs. Mickey Jay: Trish has held the title for a long time while the WWE has tried to come up with viable contenders for her. And other than Victoria they didn't have any until Mickey Jay came along. Expect MJ to pull off the upset to shake up the division a little bit.
Lingerie pillow fight - Candace Michelle vs. Torrie Wilson: Battle of former Playboy playmates isn't even worthy of an actual prediction yet alone a spot on the card of this prestigious event. But Michelle is the best bet since she's the one getting a push now.
Raw tag team titles - Kane/Big show vs. Carlito/Chris Masters: This feud has been building for a while and I would anticipate the young guys winning their first titles together since they are really the only team on Raw capable of beating Show and Kane.
Money in the bank ladder match - RVD vs. Shelton Bengjamin vs. Ric Flair vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Fit Finlay vs. Matt Hardy: Six guys, 3 each from Raw and Smackdown, compete in this second annual event to get a world title shot. This match does nothing other than demonstrate the talent disparity between the two shows. Guys like Randy Orton, Chris Benoit, and Rey Mysterio really should have been in this from Smackdown. Without them it's obvious that the winner will be from Raw and the best bet is the ageless Ric Flair since having him go after the world title one last time would make for a good storyline.
Hardcore match - Edge vs. Mic Foley: The rated R superstar should continue his push with a big win over the Hardcore legend. Expect this match to steal the show as it should contain several big bumps, maybe even more than the ladder match considering the talent in that match isn't very nimble.
No holds barred match - HBK vs. Mr. McMahon: I have no idea why Vince is in the ring but the only way he can win is with outside interference. Perhaps in a surprise twist from Brett Hart as revenge for when HBK screwed him over all those years ago.
Casket match - The undertaker vs. Mark Henry: Why Mark Henry is still employed yet in this high profile match I will never know. The Undertaker has an undefeated Wrestlemania streak on the line so don't expect him to lose to Henry this time around.
Handicapped match - Booker T./Sharmell vs. the Boogeyman: This match is going to be even worse than the lingerie pillow fight but might include some funny spots. The Boogeyman should win though to continue his push.
US title - Chris Benoit vs. JBL: JBL has really fallen off since he was world champion losing recently to the Boogeyman in like 2 minutes and then becoming Steve Austin's bitch at Saturday Night's Main Event. Considering that it's surprising that he's even getting a title shot which again just shows how bad smackdown's roster is. Expect Benoit to win easily.
Triple Threat World Title Match - Kurt Angle vs. Randy Orton vs. Rey Mysterio: Should be a very good match with these three guys in the ring at the same time. Orton and Angle could team up against Mysterio making Rey the fan favorite to pull off the upset against all odds. Expect Rey to win avenging Eddie Guerrero's death.
World Title Match - HHH vs. John Cena: The WWE is really hyping this match calling it the most anticipated Wrestlemania match ever. I doubt that but it could be a classic if Cena can rise to HHH's level and match his intensity over twenty minutes. We'll see if the fans warm up to him but HHH should win to take back his throne and set up the rematch for next month's raw only ppv.
* We also could see a Smackdown cruiserweight title match or tag team title match.
** I think we could see the return of Brock Lesnar or Batista at some point.
Women's title - Trish Stratus vs. Mickey Jay: Trish has held the title for a long time while the WWE has tried to come up with viable contenders for her. And other than Victoria they didn't have any until Mickey Jay came along. Expect MJ to pull off the upset to shake up the division a little bit.
Lingerie pillow fight - Candace Michelle vs. Torrie Wilson: Battle of former Playboy playmates isn't even worthy of an actual prediction yet alone a spot on the card of this prestigious event. But Michelle is the best bet since she's the one getting a push now.
Raw tag team titles - Kane/Big show vs. Carlito/Chris Masters: This feud has been building for a while and I would anticipate the young guys winning their first titles together since they are really the only team on Raw capable of beating Show and Kane.
Money in the bank ladder match - RVD vs. Shelton Bengjamin vs. Ric Flair vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Fit Finlay vs. Matt Hardy: Six guys, 3 each from Raw and Smackdown, compete in this second annual event to get a world title shot. This match does nothing other than demonstrate the talent disparity between the two shows. Guys like Randy Orton, Chris Benoit, and Rey Mysterio really should have been in this from Smackdown. Without them it's obvious that the winner will be from Raw and the best bet is the ageless Ric Flair since having him go after the world title one last time would make for a good storyline.
Hardcore match - Edge vs. Mic Foley: The rated R superstar should continue his push with a big win over the Hardcore legend. Expect this match to steal the show as it should contain several big bumps, maybe even more than the ladder match considering the talent in that match isn't very nimble.
No holds barred match - HBK vs. Mr. McMahon: I have no idea why Vince is in the ring but the only way he can win is with outside interference. Perhaps in a surprise twist from Brett Hart as revenge for when HBK screwed him over all those years ago.
Casket match - The undertaker vs. Mark Henry: Why Mark Henry is still employed yet in this high profile match I will never know. The Undertaker has an undefeated Wrestlemania streak on the line so don't expect him to lose to Henry this time around.
Handicapped match - Booker T./Sharmell vs. the Boogeyman: This match is going to be even worse than the lingerie pillow fight but might include some funny spots. The Boogeyman should win though to continue his push.
US title - Chris Benoit vs. JBL: JBL has really fallen off since he was world champion losing recently to the Boogeyman in like 2 minutes and then becoming Steve Austin's bitch at Saturday Night's Main Event. Considering that it's surprising that he's even getting a title shot which again just shows how bad smackdown's roster is. Expect Benoit to win easily.
Triple Threat World Title Match - Kurt Angle vs. Randy Orton vs. Rey Mysterio: Should be a very good match with these three guys in the ring at the same time. Orton and Angle could team up against Mysterio making Rey the fan favorite to pull off the upset against all odds. Expect Rey to win avenging Eddie Guerrero's death.
World Title Match - HHH vs. John Cena: The WWE is really hyping this match calling it the most anticipated Wrestlemania match ever. I doubt that but it could be a classic if Cena can rise to HHH's level and match his intensity over twenty minutes. We'll see if the fans warm up to him but HHH should win to take back his throne and set up the rematch for next month's raw only ppv.
* We also could see a Smackdown cruiserweight title match or tag team title match.
** I think we could see the return of Brock Lesnar or Batista at some point.
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Girlfriend of the Week: Amy Smart
In honor of my massive road trip down the entire Eastern seaboard in which I will travel through nine states, a district, and an island I have chosen Amy Smart as my girlfriend of the week.
Smart if you will remember was very smart in chosing to appear in the teen flick, Road Trip, that launched her career. Although the same cannot be said for Tom Green. After that she went on to appear in Rat Race and Starsky & Hutch, two must haves in any movie collection.
I just hope that my road trip doesn't include any of the hijinks that the one in the movie did because I really don't want my car to blow up and I really, really, really don't want to lose my virginity to a 300 pound black woman.
Smart if you will remember was very smart in chosing to appear in the teen flick, Road Trip, that launched her career. Although the same cannot be said for Tom Green. After that she went on to appear in Rat Race and Starsky & Hutch, two must haves in any movie collection.
I just hope that my road trip doesn't include any of the hijinks that the one in the movie did because I really don't want my car to blow up and I really, really, really don't want to lose my virginity to a 300 pound black woman.
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