Okay, maybe I lied about that one but I think I may be on to something with the following assertions:
1. All public and private golf courses should be closed - Golf is such a pointless sport that it doesn't make practical sense to dedicate so much valuable land to it. All you do in the sport is hit a little white ball, try and find it, and then if you're lucky enough to do so, hit it again. It's pointless really and I can't understand why you need so much space to play this game.
George Carlin does a bit about this and I think he's 100% right. He mentioned something along the lines of all the golf courses in the U.S. taking up the equivalent space of three states. Three states! That is valuable land that could be used to provide housing for the homeless or recreation areas for the public. If it were up to me I would close the majority of courses although not all of them because people still need a place to go to play.
2. The UFC is fixed - Clearly it's not fake because the people are actually fighting but it could be fixed in that they push certain guys and set up the matches that they want to get the best ratings. So by association I guess that means that boxing is fixed as well. And you thought that it was only pro wrestling!
3. The World Series of Poker should be an Olympic Sport! - As should the X games, World Cup, and anything else that people actually care about. Maybe if they did that they would actually get good ratings.
4. The Mets will blow their 11.5 game lead - This one is for you, Rob. 11 games is currently the greatest collapse in MLB history so the Mets will set a new record for futility if they can't hold on. And the planets are aligned for it to happen that way. Victor Zambrano is out for the year, Pedro Martinez is headed to the dl, they have no pitcing depth, and their bullpen is going to get burned out at the rate they are being used. Combine all that with nagging injuries to Cliff Floyd and Carlos Delgado, the fact that they are the Mets, and have a young Phillies team on their heels that could get hot at any moment and I think the Mets will be lucky to hold on and make the playoffs. And if they do make it that far I'm calling that they get bounced in the first round.
5. And just for the record Italy will win the World Cup in a shootout after regulation ends in a scoreless tie, Ryan Howard will win the homerun derby, and the National League will win the all star game to prove just how bad of a format it is.
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