Wednesday, July 23, 2008

The Shames-o-Matic Prediction Meter

Here's a look at some things that are guaranteed to happen over the next few months in the world of sports:

Brett Farve will get traded to the New York Jets for a second round pick and then pull a Bill Belichick and retire just to avoid having to play for the Jets. He will then unretire and lead the Indianapolis Colts to the Super Bowl after Peyton Manning goes down with a knee injury in Week 5. He will then retire again during Super Bowl media week, just to avoid having to talk to the media, and then return at halftime of the Big Game to lead the Colts to victory. Afterwards he will retire again.

The Manning brothers will get more tv time this fall than John McCain.

I will attempt to play softball and then not be able to walk for two weeks.

The Patriots will go undefeated again and then lose in the Super Bowl again this time to the Dallas Cowboys. Pacman Jones will then get banned from football after celebrating with the Cowboys Cheerleaders at Disney World in the Alice in Wonderland ride which he mistakenly thought was the name of a strip club.

Alex Rodriguez will make headlines when he's seen hanging out backstage at a Hannah Montana concert.

I'll bring a girl that I met on Craigslist to a Mets game, spend over a $100 on the evening, then not make a move, and never talk to her again.

Tiger Woods will win a golf tournament that he doesn't even play in.

John Sterling will get overly excited during a Yankees game and mistakenly rule a 6-4-3 double play a homerun.

Facebook stalking will be added as an Olympic event. Justin Bender will win the Gold Medal.

Jose Canseco will challenge Mark McGwire to a PPV arm wrestling match.

Vince McMahon will fake his own death for the third time.

Kobe Bryant will write a rap song about Shaquielle O'Neal which will feature the lyric: "You can't rap, and you're a fat piece of crap".

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