Week In Review

Random thoughts from the week that hasn't even happened yet:

Why do military police in Penn Station wear camoflague if they are indoors?

If the plural of deer is deer then does John Deere and his family refer to themselves as the Deeres or the Deere?

Brian M. had the line of the week when after giving me Lost season 1 dvd as a going away present he said, "that's a fitting present because chances are that you're also going to get lost on your way down to Florida."

Brian B. followed that up the next day by saying via email, "all you have to do is take 95 straight down but somehow I'm sure you'll find a way to get lost."

I was kind of worried when giving clothes away to Goodwill because knowing me when I get to Florida and go to unpack I'll find the clothes I meant to give away and undoubtedly I'd find some Hurricane Katrina victim walking down the street wearing my Derek Jeter jersey.

Isn't it awkward whenever someone says something to you like 'good luck in Florida' and you say 'you too' like the dumbass that you are?

Wouldn't MTV's the Real World be better if they had to do the job they were assigned by fulfilling their stereotypes? Like ifthey had to run a restuarant and the latino guy was the busboy and the gay guy was the hostess?

The other day at work my friend Kevin said that he was giving up fantasy sports. I soon realized that hearing that somebody wants to give up fantasy sports made me feel the same way that a dad feels when he finds out that his kid wants to quit football and take up ballet.

Is there anything more annoying then when a couple sits on the same side of the table in a restaurant?

I wonder if Anthony Mason is a Freemason?

Back to the Future

Your eyes are not deceiving you. You have not entered the Twilight Zone. You did not just wake up from a coma nor could you have possibly gotten that drunk last night that when you woke up this morning it wasn't really this morning but rather 5 full days from now. Rather what you are witnessing is a first in blogging history.

That's right, as a result of my road trip to Florida, I will brave the unknown and travel into the future so that I can blog through the end of this week. I mean you really didn't think that I was going to miss a day of blogging just because I was going to be driving eight hours a day did you? If you did, we're no longer friends because you should have known me better than that.

There's nothing that will keep me from missing a day of blogging. In fact, if the Swedish national swim team wanted to use me as their personal sex toy and all I had to do was give up blogging I would say thanks but no thanks and then blog about how much of a dumb ass I am.

So now when you're bored at work you'll have 5 days worth of high quality articles to peruse. You can thank me later. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go finish putting my collection of Don Mattingly figurines in bubble wrap.

Memories Page

As I continue to get sentimental here's a look back at some of my favorite moments, memories, cathphrases, sayings, and slogans from phase one of my life, "The Baldwin Years":

The Heather Rauch two honk salute

Tapeball

Stickball

Wiffleball

Softball

Russell grabbing Brian's balls

Football in the snow

"What's the capital of Thailand?"

"Whose the president of the U.S.?"

Wet willies

Mr. Socko

Artie's cabin

Olympic fence jumping at Jones Beach

Boomerrang throwing

Horseshoes tossing

The pit of fire

Pickup games at Baldwin Park

Coaching PAL Basketball (well Brian coaching and me taking all the credit)

Pokerstars.com

1 on 1 lifetime basketball series

'Fucking shit up'

Mario baseball, ESPN Baseball Tonight

Risk

The original Viva La Bam

Singing out of tune

'Dusted'

"I really could go for a big, juicy steak"

Aga, aga, aga

"I'm Craig Shames bitch"

Off road mini golfing

Driving range

Churchills

10 cent wing night at Stinger's

Throwing Rob's cat against the wall

Tucker, tucker, tucker

The specialist

The 5 minute birthday party

Food eating contests

The Rob Roll standard of time

Gamer's softball

The nautical mile

Brian and Russell hiding in my car and jumping out at me

Jackpot bowling

Trivial pursuit

'Mini mate'

The Sons of Italy

Trading baseball cards

"Excuse me"

And of course no list would be complete without mentioning the Patch.

Random Conversation

Katie: You look like you've lost weight.

Me: That's because I'm on the South Beach diet.

Katie: Oh, really?

Me: Yeah, I'm trying to lose weight since I'll be moving near South Beach.

Katie: That's not the South Beach diet. (Looks at me like I have three heads)

What I'll Miss

As I begin to get ready to set out on my big journey to Florida I've found that I liked New York a whole lot more than I ever realized. There's a lot about the Big Apple that I'm going to miss and a little bit that I won't so fittingly here's a few lists describing my rollercoaster of emotions.

Things I'll Miss

The pizza
The bagels
The homemade Roast Beef
The YES Network i.e. the ability to watch Yankees games
All things cliche i.e. family, and friends
Rocky
The change of seasons
Gamers softball
Going to the beach
Playing stickball
The New York Daily News
The crazy band of temps

Things I won't miss

Homeless people asking for money on the subway
Sewer rats
The fear of terrorism
The bitter cold
Shovelling snow
Annoying Mets fans (you know who you are)
The fast pace
The LIRR and a 3 hour commute to work
The smell of the Oceanside Dump and New Jersey
Creepy crawlers in my basement
"Long Island trash"

But most importantly it's all about friendship. So to all my New York buddies....

Brian M: I'm definitely going to miss being the third wheel, destroying you in our hardcore matches, and 'fucking shit up'. But suffice to say I'm definitely not going to miss Mr. Socko.

Russell: I'm definitely going to miss making you my bitch in basketball, taking your money in poker, and ripping you off in fantasy basketball trades. But I'm definitely not going to miss having to drive 2 hours to see your sorry ass.

Rob: I'm definitely going to miss your standard of time, ability to show up 30 seconds before the start of a baseball/softball game, and your decision making skills like chosing to put speakers in your car in lieu of a rear view mirror. But I'm definitely not going to miss your driving.

Whitney: I'm definitely going to miss your candy bowl, going to museums and sitting on every bench, and staying at your parties for five minutes. But I'm definitely not going to miss your tv.

Katie: I'm definitely going to miss the parallel list, Cafe Lalo and everything in between. But I'm definitely not going to miss your 4 story walk up.

To all my friends I'm going to miss you guys. Keep in touch!

My Bad

I would like to take the following time to apologize to the players, coaches, fans, and boosters of the following men's college basketball programs: UCONN Huskies, Memphis Tigers, Boston College Eagles and Texas Longhorns.

If it wasn't for me talking shit this weekend to my good friend Brian all of you would have reached the Final Four. Instead LSU, Florida, UCLA, and George fucking Mason made it. Nothing against those teams but they weren't supposed to be there. The teams I picked were. But unfortunately for them there's something called Karma. And it just kicked me in the ass.

You see for the last four years I've gone head to head with Brian in our 2 man office pool. We both fill out our brackets and whoever winds up accumulating the most points after factoring in victories and bonus points for upsets is the winner. I won the first three years and thought a fourth straight win was all but guaranteed after all of Brian's final four teams were eliminated in the Sweet Sixteen round.

So like any red blooded American I talked all kinds of shit. I mercilessly ripped into him, questioning his manhood amongst other things. I ripped him so bad that undoubtedly he's now curled up somewhere in the fetal position with some hot latina spoon feeding him apple sauce. His friends have probably nicknamed him Linus since it's likely that he's been carrying around a blankie for the last week.

And then a funny thing happened. Every team that he needed to win did in fact win and every team that he needed to lose did in fact lose. So much so that in unprecedented fashion an 11th seeded team, George Mason, knocked off a number 1, UCONN, to reach their first Final Four. That's how you know that my trashtalking actually impacted the outcome of the Final Four. When something that unusual happens you know there's a higher power at work. Damn that Karma.

Girlfriend of the Week: Cameron Goodman

Meet the new object of my affection, Cameron Goodman, a petite blonde currently starring on MTV's Wild N' Out with upcoming guest appearances on ABC's Sons & Daughters and CBS' CSI: New York.

You may not know who she is yet but trust me everyone will know her name in just a little while. She's about to blow up like no one has ever blown up before. After all, I don't see how she couldn't with her combination of talent and looks.

But talent aside the best part about Cameron is that she's single, Jewish, and doesn't drink. I think I've died and gone to heaven. It just doesn't get any better than that. Lifetime supply of licorice nibs notwithstanding.

why cloning should be legalized.

Week In Review

Random thoughts from the last week:

Why do people say that you can get over tired if you sleep too much? To me you can never get enough sleep. If you wake up and you're still tired you just didn't sleep enough.

I would love to be a slang word creator. But instead of saying that cake means money or that knocking out means falling asleep I would say that having an idea is having an 'edison'. Pretty catchy isn't it?

Speaking of slang, let me get this straight. A bunch of guys were sitting around and they wanted to come up with another word for drunk. And what they came up with was crunk! Was that really the best that they could do? All they did was change one letter! It's still the same number of letters! That's got to be the worst abbreviation ever!

I don't get how krock 92.3 fm can go to an all talk format and still be on the fm side. Isn't am for talk shows?

What is Abraham Lincoln on the penny and five dollar bill? Wouldn't it make more sense to have him on the penny and one dollar bill or the nickle and five dollar bill?

Remember when you were you in high school and gym class would fly by but science class would seem to drag forever? How is it possible that the same lenghth of time can feel different?

And why is it that the the day of the week never feels like the day that it actually is? We're always saying today doesn't feel like a Thursday it feels like a Monday. And what exactly does a day even feel like?

You know you're short when you still use a kiddie sized urinal.

What do you even get Melania Trump for a shower gift?

This guy who wrote into Newsday's rant of the week in their sports section had the line of the week when he said, "only my girlfriend could watch the Bradley vs. Pittsburgh game and realize that the little box score on the tv said Brad Pitt."

Why do they call it Pennsylvania station if it's in New York?

The fact that New York even has a Ms. Subways shows just how far we've fallen as a society.

Definitely Not Hot

Over 100 people voted on www.amihotornot.com and the verdict is in....I'm definitely not hot.

Perhaps my low score (5.9) can be attributed to the fact that I only have one ear, a ridicilously high forehead that you can shot a slapshot off of, and creepy red eyes that make me look possessed.

Or maybe, just maybe, if I had friends who would have hooked me up with high scores I would have faired better. But no, I had to have friends like Brian M. who give me a 1 and would have given me a zero if it were an option.

But I'm okay with that. It's not like I'm going to cry myself to sleep tonight because nobody thinks that I'm hot. I don't need other people to validate my self worth and boost my self esteem. I know deep down inside that I am a sexy beast. I don't need a website to tell me that. I tell myself that everyday.

Which probably explains why I'm still single. After all, when you love yourself as much as I do there's not enough love to give to anyone else. But there are low scores to give out. So do like I do and hit up hotornot.com and give hot girls eating disorders by rating them low. Hey, what goes around comes around.

Having only one ear probably hurt my score......

The Truth About 9/11

A sea of humanity lined up outside of my building yesterday, which is about a block from Ground Zero, to spread the word about what really happened on 9/11. They held up signs, passed out flyers, and chanted various slogans.

Unlike the usual anti war protesters or civil liberty defenders that I just snear at these guys actually caught my attention. What they were saying actually made sense. Maybe I just wanted to believe them. Could just be the conspiracy theorist in me overtaking my common sense and rational thought process. But whatever it was I kind of liked it.

As I read through one of the brochures I could easily see their side of the story. I'm not saying that I believe all of it but I think that if you read through it you can judge for yourself what you think actually has some credibility to it and what's too much of a leap of faith.

For instance, all the talk about 9/11 centers around the World Trade Center attacks but not much is made of the Pentagon attack. Questions remain about that incident since surveillance tapes from that day were conspiciously removed amidst allegations that the damage was more likely caused by blasts since the debris field was not consistent with that of a plane crash.

As for the Twin Towers themselves the nutjobs on the street corner believe that they were brought down not just by the planes but in conjunction with already planted bombs since the way the towers collapsed was neat just like when demolishing a building. Combine that with eye witness reports of a blast in the basement just prior to the plane hitting and you have all the makings of an inside job conspiracy theory.

Analysis of wreckage aside, the real meat and potatoes aspect of the theories is that the government either planned the attacks or knew about them and let them happen. The fact that a think tank with ties to Dick Cheney stated just weeks prior that an attack of this nature was needed in order to sell the American people on the idea of going to war in the Middle East sounds very suspicious. As does the fact that simulated war games involving a hijacking scenario were taking place the morning of 9/11 rendering our air defenses useless.

The pamphlet that I read as well as an article in Maxim further detail several theories including ones that indicated that 9/11 mastermind Mohammad Atta had ties to the CIA and they even went so far as to protect him from getting captured by Isreali intelligence officers.

Speaking of Isreal there's even a theory that the Jews are to blame but that's not surprising. What is surprising though is that most people agree with these nut jobs. According to the article in Maxim, something like 85% of Americans think that the government may have let the attacks happen.

Personally, nothing would surprise me. I've read way too many Clive Cussler books to not have an open mind about off the wall theories. Anything's possible. But the most plausible explanation is that the Free Masons had something to do with it.

If you're not familiar with the Free Masons just watch the movie National Treasure. It's all about them. Basically they were/are a secret society that may have included a lot of our founding fathers. They were secretly spread out across all government agencies which means that they are not bound by any obligations to any one post. Their ranks could include anyone from Bill Gates to George Steinbrenner to members of Bush's cabinet or even Bush himself. They are omnipotent. Everyone and no one at the same time. And if you ask me they had something to do with this.

But that's just me. The crazy guy on the street corner has his own ideas. Who you believe is up to you.

Was the truth about 9/11 hidden in our wallets this whole time?

Things To Ponder

Some more food for thought for minds on a budget. Up today are things to ponder i.e. off centered questions that might catch you off guard if you haven't thought about these things before. So give it some thought and mull it over. You might be surprised by what you come up with.

Things to ponder....

If a genie granted you three wishes what would they be?

If you could take only one thing with you to a deserted island that you would have to spend the rest of your life on what would it be?

If you could take only one person with you who would it be? Which celebrity?

Speaking of celebs which one do you think you are the most compatible with in terms of dating?

Here's one you've probably heard of before: if you could have dinner with any one person who would it be?

If you could only eat one food the rest of your life what would it be? Which drink?

If reincarnation was real which animal would you want to come back as?

If you could be the ruler of any country except for the United States which one would you chose?

If you could know how you were going to die would you want to know?

If you could know who killed JFK and whether or not aliens crash landed in Roswell, New Mexico but couldn't tell anybody would you still want to know?

I would wish for a lifetime supply of licorice nibs, a girlfriend who supported me, and of course more wishes.

Sports Will Indicate The Eventual Fall of the U.S.

A quick glance through any social studies text book will tell you that all good things must come to an end. Every civilization that has at one point dominated the world has run it's course as they either over extended themselves or as other civizilations caught up to them culturally, technologically, and militarly.

'A quick glance through any social studies text book will tell you that all good things must come to an end'

For instance, Mesopotomia had it's run, then the Egyptians. Eventually the Greeks and Romans ruled over Europe. And of course the Brittish were everywhere at the height of the Industrial Revolution. Now it's America's turn as the lone hegemon thanks to the outcomes of WWII and the Cold War and our current economic spheres of influence.

It's obvious to me as it is to most scholars that eventually the United States' run will come to an end. Perhaps sooner than most people expected. After all, in today's day and age it won't take much, just one nuclear weapon perhaps, to shift the balance of power. A 50 year run as a world power, which seems like nothing compared to past civizilations, may seem like a long time when compared to what the future may bring.

No one knows for certain what the future will bring but most people seem to agree that China could be lining up to become the next world power thanks to their booming population which could enable them to put together a dominant war machine. Throw in their strong economy and strategic acquistions of worldwide ports such as the Panama Canal and they could be positioning themselves for an eventual takeover.

Or perhaps the fallout from the war on terrorism, Palestinian unrest in Isreal, and pending civil war in Iraq will lead to the fall of the U.S. and the rise of a world power from the Middle East. The overextension of the military is what eventually did in the Romans and it could cost the U.S. as well.

But I'm not hear to talk about the eventual fall of the U.S. nor am I hear to predict who will become the next great world power. Rather, I'm here today to hypothesize that sports, yes sports, can indicate when a power shift is about to occur.

'I'm here today to hypothesize that sports, yes sports, can indicate when a power shift is about to occur'

If I'm right in saying that the U.S.' influence and power is declining worldwide then the assertion that the U.S. is also lagging behind in international competition should also hold true. And boy does it ever.

Consider the following:

Disappointing showing at the Winter Olympic Games especially in skiing.

Elimination of the U.S. from the innaguaral World Baseball Classic in the second round after needing help to even get out of the first round.

Failure of the Men's hockey team at the Olympics to even reach the medal round.

Decline of the Men's basketball team from the Dream Team that took home the gold in 1992 to the current band of quasi all stars that hasn't won the gold since 2000.

Could it be that as our basketball, hockey, and baseball teams get spanked in international competition from all corners of the globe that this could be a precursor to our inevitable decline in economics and military standing? After all, if China can beat us in basketball then maybe they can beat us in the arms race as well.

'After all, if China can beat us in basketball then maybe they can beat us in the arms race as well.'

If you're still not convinced look at past history and look no further than the 1980 miracle on ice. At the height of the Cold War this was more than just a hockey game. This was a battle for bragging rights between two countries and ideologies vying for world surpremacy. The U.S. won as we all know but what if they hadn't? Would the Cold War have turned out differently? Would the Soviet Union have parlayed their gold medal into prestige, power, and a longer reign?

We'll never know for sure just as we'll never know when for sure when the U.S.'s tenure as the world's lone hegemon is going to end. But if you ask me you have to look no farther than the boxscore to see into the future. And that can only mean one thing: the end is near.

Would You Rather

Some food for thought for mind's on a budget. Try these lines out on a friend the next time you're at a bar. Which if your name is Rob is probably every night this week.

Would you rather...

Be good looking and poor or ugly and rich?

Be rich and successful and live like a rock star to 40 or moderately happy in a decent job that you kind of like and live to 85?

Similarly, eat whatever you want including steak for breakfast and live to 50 or eat tofu everyday and live to 85?

Be blind or deaf?

Have only one leg or one arm?

Travel to the past or future?

Be a big fish in a small pond or a small fish in a big pond?

Be an average citizen in a wealthy country or the ruler of a war torn country that's deep in poverty.

Work on a farm and milk cows or drive a milk truck for 18 hours a day.

Drive cross country with a crazy cat lady or a crazy religious zealot?

Be reincarnated as an animal or be a ghost?

Be in prison where you never have to worry about your laundry and meals or work a 9-5 job in a cubicle and live in your parent's basement?

Work 5 days a week or longer hours on four days and have Fridays off?

Take 1 big vacation a year or several weekend getaways?

Be a big time child star that hits it big but then is never heard from again or a small part actor who never makes it big but has steady work for his/her whole career?

Be a tv star or movie star?

Work at home and make less or commute 2 hours a day but make more?

Be a lead singer with only one hit or a backup singer who never becomes famous but has steady employment?

For guys: date a high maintenance girl whose way out of your league or the girl next door that's only slightly cute?

For girls: date the nerdy guy with money or the good looking guy with the average job?

Be popular in high school/college and have the time of your life or have few friends but come out of your shell later in life?

Week In Review

Random thoughts from the last week:

Brian M had the corny joke of the week when he said, "girls that have big tits work in hooters; girls who have only one leg work in IHOP."

Earlier this week the Islanders' locker rooms were flooded out by a busted sewer pipe that poured raw sewage into the Nassau Coliseum. This is nothing new as the Islanders have stunk for years.

It's ironic that the big bouncer who killed Imette St. Julien was named Darryl Littlejohn. There's nothing little about him. He's like 6'2'', 250.

Apparently scientists have found ice on one of Saturn's moons. I hate to break it to them but if ice on a round surface constitutues extraterrestial life than there are aliens living in my balls every morning.

If you're like me and filled out your NCAA brackets according to whose mascot would win in a fight you're probably not doing too well.

Further proof that I'm weird: last weekend the guy in Maggie Moo's said that he has never in his life heard of anyone that ordered vanilla ice cream with gummy bears and kit kats. Hey, is it my fault that I have the diet of a pregnant woman?

Further proof that New Yorkers have seen it all: on Thursday a bunch of people dressed as angels got on the subway and nobody even bothered to look up.

I heard that NBC is going to create a new reality show called Meal or No Meal in which people from Ethiopa pick suitcases filled with food not money and then have to decide between taking the goat or risking it all for the year's supply of rice.

I went Thursday after work to check out an apartment on the east side for my sister. She gave me a list of questions to ask about the nuances of the space but I thought it would be better to ask some of my own questions. Such as whether or not the apartment was haunted by aparations. I then had the nerve to ask this girl if the scented candles she had lit was by choice or by design to hide any grotesque smells! You should have seen the face this girl made when I asked that. Damn, I'm good.

At jackpot bowling on Saturday night you're supposed to win money if you get a strike when you have colored pins come up in preselected orders. I had colored pins come up in the right spots but unfortunatley they were the wrong colors so it shouldn't have been for any money. But when the host came by and saw that I was about to bowl with a bright pink, 8 pound ball he came up to me and said he'd give me the money if I bowled a strike since he didn't think I could do it with that ball. With everyone laughing at me I bowled a strike! Take that bowling alley attendant!

St. Patty's Day

It may be a day late but here are some of my random St. Patrick's day related thoughts:

First off, I wonder what Saint Patrick thinks about his name becoming associated with drunken debauchery. I'm willing to bet that about 75% of the people in bars last night had no idea who Saint Patrick was, what he did, or why they were even celebrating.

Speaking of bars we were comparing work to prison yesterday in the office and reasoned that they are very similar except in that in prison you spent all your time wanting to get out from behind bars where as at work you spent all your time wanting to get out and into bars.

Seriously why does every name start with O. O'Brien, O'Patrick, O'Toole, etc. Do Irish people really have that much sex?

In fact, I'm surprised they haven't changed the name of the holiday to St. O'Patrick's Day.

According to rumors excessive alcohol consumption and not exposure to the sun or genetics leads to a person getting freckles.

If I were Irish I would have been ex-communicated for not being able to do a shot.

People who wear green on St. Patrick's day are just as bad as the people who were red on Valentine's Day or Red, White, and Blue on the Fourth of July.

I would like to dispute the fact that four leaf clovers bring you luck. I found one once during a camp scavenger hunt and as you can tell by my sex life, bank account, and resume I've been on a great roll ever since.

If there was ever anybody who would follow a rainbow to try and see if there is a pot of gold at the bottom it would be Russell.

Girlfriend of the Week: Ireland

*Special Early Edition*

In honor of St. Patrick's Day aka Excuse to Drink Day I have chosen Ireland as my girlfriend of the week. No, I'm not talking about the country in Europe where everyone is named O'Toole or O'Brien. Nor the place where you can find leprechauns, four leave clovers, and pots of gold. Not even the place where there once was an infamous potatoe famine.

Rather, I'm talking about former Sports Illustrated cover model Kathy Ireland. It may have been a few years since Ireland was in the public eye but until Keira Knightly legally changes her name to Keira Ireland I have no choice but to choose Kathy on this day every year from now on. Let's all just be happy that I didn't have to choose Colin Farrell.

I thought that the temperature of Ireland was mild not hot.

Bracketology

If there was a Mel Kiper Jr. of college basketball his name would be Craig A. Shames. Three straight years I've picked at over a 70% clip and this year should be no different. If you want to win a lot of money in your office pool check out the holy grail of picks below. For further analysis keep reading.

Washington Region

Final Four Team: UCONN - the #1 seed will have a tough road having to go through Kentucky, Illinois, and Michigan State just to get to the Final Four but they'll prevail rather easily on their way to the title.

Sleeper Team: Wichita State - I can't even name one person on the team but with Seton Hall scuffling down the stretch and Tennessee a weak #2 they could make it all the way to the Sweet Sixteen.

Overrated: Don't be fooled by the big names. Kentucky, UNC, and Tennessee won't be making it very far.

Player to watch: Rudy Gay, UCONN. If Connecticut is going to win it all it's going to need Gay to step it up.

Minneapolis Region

Final Four Team: Boston College - It pains me to say it because after doing four years of Army ROTC with those stuck up assclowns I can't stand the Eagles but they are the best team. No one can match up with their frontcourt of Smith, Dudley, and Marshall.

Sleeper Team: Oklahoma - They don't play in the ACC or Big East so New Yorkers probably don't know about them but they are a tough, defensive minded team that should easily defeat a soft Florida team to make the Sweet Sixteen.

Overrated: Villanova is a weak #1 and with Allan Ray potentially missing time due to an eye injury they are ripe for the picking. Four good guards but how far can they go without a frontcourt?

Player to watch: Craig Smith, BC. If BC is going to live up to their lofty expectations it will be because my namesake averages a double double.

Atlanta Region

Final Four Team: Texas. I'm a big Duke fan but I don't think they have the depth to last through the tournament. That leaves Texas with an experienced core in prime position to make it the finals.

Sleeper Team: Syracuse, LSU, and California are all intriguing but I really like West Virginia with their senior laden team playing unselfishly. Look for Pittsnogle, Herber, Beline, and Gansey to lead the Mountaineers to the Sweet Sixteen and maybe even farther.

Overrated: Probably Duke since a lot of people will be picking them to win. Unfortunately with Redick tired and no one to back up Shelden Williams if he gets in foul trouble the Dukies could be out quicker than my wallet at a strip club.

Player to watch: JJ Redick grabs the spotlight but the biggest difference maker could be Texas big man LaMarcus Aldridge who could vault into the #1 spot in next year's draft.

Oakland Region

Final Four Team: Memphis - John Calipari is a great college coach having previously taken a Marcus Camby led UMASS team to the Final Four. Given a well rounded, unselfish team with an easy road to the finals and could be smooth sailing for the Tigers.

Sleeper Team: UCLA is ranked too higly to be a true sleeper but they will do better than most people think. As far as low seeds are concerned I'm guaranteeing a San Diego State win over Indiana the same way that I called Vermont last year.

Overrated: Hard to find one when you have #1 vs. #2 in the Elite Eight but Gonzaga no longer in a cinderella role could wilt under the expectations of having to win.

Player to watch: Kansas has some talented youngsters and UCLA a great backcourt but the Zags will only go as far as Adam Morrison's mustache takes them.

The Final Word

Should be a great tournament with plenty of surprises but BC doesn't have a backcourt, Duke has a freshman point guard, Memphis lacks a go to star, and Texas will get far on heart until falling short on talent. It's obvious to me that this year's UNC and eventual national champion is UCONN led by a great core featuring the nation's best pure point guard Marcus Williams, best small forward Rudy Gay, best three point shooter this side of Redick in Rashard Anderson, and best shot blocker in Okafor clone Armstrong. Just remember that you heard it here first.

Check it out....

From A to Z

If you need to get caught up on what's being talked about in the world of sports, entertainment, science, and politics then you've come to the right place. Throw in a few updates about my personal life and you have some food for thought 26 different ways.

"American" - First came American Idol. Now American Inventor. Just wondering but is Simon Cowell even physically capable of creating a tv show that doesn't include the word American in it?

Big Love - Finally a tv show that I can relate to. Juggling three women at one time isn't easy but trust me it can be done. Having a wider computer screen helps.

Colbert Report - Is there a bigger ego maniac on tv today than Colbert? Sure he has his own show and should be happy about that but what rubs me the wrong way is how self promoting he is. In fact, if the giant self potrait hanging in the studio doesn't bother you then the way he introduces guests should. On most shows like the Tonight Show a guest will get introduced by the host and walk out on stage to audience applause. On the Colbert Report the guess is already sitting in an adjacent lounge and Colbert walks over to them, pandering to the crowd along the way. Taking the attention away from the guest and putting it onto himself in this shameless self promotion tactic takes away from what is otherwise a pretty funny show.

Deal or New Deal - Please don't tell me that you like this piece of crap. In a lame attempt at improving declining ratings NBC has gone the game show route ala Who Wants To Be a Millionaire and imported this hack job from Brittain. It has no redeeming value whatsoever, not even the 30 or so hot girls that they feature. There is absolutely no reason to watch since every contestant is guaranteed to win money. The only question is how much. Why should I care that Joe Smith has to decide between winning $10,000 or $500,000. Puhlease. Now if there was a penalty for picking the wrong suitcase, like getting lowered over a shark invested container, then maybe I would watch. But even then, probably not.

Espn360 - It might be overkill but it's still pretty cool. In an attempt to prove how effectively they can cover a big event ESPN unvealed 360 during a Duke/UNC game two weeks ago. Basically what it means is that they will cover an event live through all of their mediums which in this case included pre and post game shows, actual game coverage, espnradio, espnnews, sportscenter, college game day, and ESPNU.

Football saved - Coach potatoes and armchair quarterbacks rejoice! Football was saved from salary cap hell after the owners agreed to a new collective bargaining agreement at the last minute. Since then Terrell Owens was cut, and Daunte Culpepper traded and free agency has only just begun.

Gauntlet - Is there a better reality show out there than MTV's Real World/Road Rules Challenge the Gauntlet? The ratings may say Survivor but I say the Gauntlet, especially this year, with some of the hotties on the Rookie team tearing it up. Although I must admit that some of these thirtysomething has beens still trying to hold onto their mid 1990's fame really should get a life.

Hillary vs. McCain - Early indications point to former POW McCain taking on the first female presedential candidate in history, Clinton. Should be a great election but I have a feeling that McCain could win rather easily.

Indecesion - Will I move to Florida? Or won't I. Will I move to Florida or won't I?

Joes vs. Pros - Spike's new reality show sounded promising but it's not going to be nearly as cool as it could have been. Instead of someone like me taking on someone like LeBron James in a one on one game to 11 it'll probably just be a game of horse. Batting practice against John Rocker is another segment. Lame.

Knicks - It's almost as if they are the Washington Generals and the rest of the NBA are the Harlem Globetrotters. Are they even going to try and win anymore?

Lost theories - My latest one involves Time Travel. How else do you explain how a modern washing machine was found in a 1970's era decontamination bunker or how someone got straned on the island via hot air balloon. Throw in a beached slavery ship and the modern day castaways listening to old time music and it would appear that not everything on the Island fits perfectly into a timeline. While the lostsies lived in modern times they may have crashed onto an Island that's either in the past, present, future, or all three at different times. Make sense?

March Madness - Well it's that time of year again. Time to waste $20 entering your office pool just so that you can lose to Donna in accounting who made picks based on which team's uniform colors she liked better.

Nick and Jessica - America's favorite couple is now on the outs and Nick wasted little time in moving on. Reportedly to 19 year old Kristin Cavaleiri of Laguna Beach fame who if you remember was picked by me a few weeks ago to be the break out star of 2006. Thank you.

Oragami - Microsoft's lastest toy is similar to other products on the market in that Sean Gordon probably already has one. For the rest of us I think we can wait five years for it to become more affordable after Microsoft unveils Oragami version 6.0.

Ports deal - Maybe I've read one too many Dirk Pitt novels but that deal was a disaster waiting to happen. Perhaps that's a racist thing to say since not all Arabs are terrorists but nonetheless there was no way, racism or no racism, that Congress could have let that deal go through. It was just too risky. So I'm glad that a Congress that has done absolutely nothing for 6 years finally did something when it mattered the most. Now let's just hope that the ports get returned to a U.S. entity as promised without further incident.

Qdoba - I've never had it but everyone's raving about it. Darren says it's 10x better than Taco Bell. Uh oh, Brian, are you going to let them talk shit about your baby like that?

Rowdy Irishmen - T minus 3 days and counting until St. Patrick's Day aka excuse to get shitfaced day. I'll be hiding in my basement so as to avoid getting my ass kicked in a bar fight after explaining to some guy named O'Toole that my last name is Shames and not Shamus.

Spore - One part Sims, one part Star Wars, one part ass kicking computer game. Basically, the concept is that you start out as a microscopic organism and watch as you develop all the way into a fully functioning planet. From there you can travel across the 'galaxy' to other users' planets and trade with them or attack them. Could there be anything cooler than being the ruler of the entire universe from the comfort of your parent's basement? Check it out at www.spore.com.

The World Baseball Classic - Missing some star power but Bud Selig could not be happier with the level of play and especially the level of enthusiam from fans in the stands and amongst the players. Especially in the Caribbean where baseball is a way of life. This definitely looks like a keeper along with the wild card and interleague play.

Underwear modeling - I just have to give Russell the Muscle a shout out for being brave enough, er, rather stupid enough to walk around Times Square in his underwear on Saturday to try and make it onto the Tyra Banks show. Russell, you are truly one of a kind.

V is for Vendetta - Finally a movie worth paying $10 to go see. Or at least I hope so. But with Natalie Portman starring in it, and the brains behind the Matrix trilogy writing it, I'm pretty sure it'll be a blockbuster hit.

Wild N' Out - Is there a better comedy show out there? I don't think so.

XMen - With the third movie coming out soon it is definitely time to fuck some shit up.

Yankees - The pitching is questionable but if everything falls into place they could be looking at their 27th championship this year.

Zoey 101 - With all this talk about Brittany being a bad mom and Kevin a deadbeat dad everyone has overlooked the fact that Jamie Lynn has her own tv show and could be even more talented than Britt. Just remember that you heard it here first.

Wild N' Out

Sure the Chappelle Show had a nice little run but if you're like me and have been craving the good old days of sketch comedy, i.e. 'In Living Color', your wait is over. For almost a decade later, a show finally worthy of adulation has burst onto the scene, and that show is none other than Nick Cannon's creation, Wild N' Out.

Now I'm not sure what being wild and out means but I'm sure it has something to do with hilarious improv comedy. And that's exactly what this show delivers. Featuring two teams of 5 comedians, one captained by Cannon, the other by an A list celebrity guest star, the jokes are non stop as is the pace. It's got to be the quickest half hour on television which is always a good thing in the entertainment business. You want a show to feel like gym class not first period Physics.

You may be saying to yourself how could a show with Nick Cannon on it be any good? After all, wasn't he that kid from Drumline? Well to prove the point of how good the show is just consider that it's still great in spite of Cannon who actually does a good job and doesn't nearly self promote as much as Stephen Colbert on the Colbert Report. (More on that later.)

Part of the appeal of the show for me is in analzying the cast of up and coming young stars to try and guage who will blow up. Constantly in search of the next big thing I love making predictions and then looking back to see how I faired. If In Living Color could launch the careers of people like Jennifer Lopez, Jamie Foxx, Jim Carrey, and the Wayans Brothers then this show could do the same for Affion Crockett, Corey Holcomb who was just on NBC's last comic standing, Katt Williams, and Nyima Funk.

Lorne Michaels take note. You could make SNL watchable again if you only raided Wild N' Out's roster. Better yet, Hollywood should take note as well. The next big thing could be Cameron Goodman whose much better looking than John Goodman and more talented than Candace or Kirk Cameron. This stunning, petite blonde has mega star written all over her.

From fast paced action and witty comebacks to budding young stars and A list celebrities this show has it all. Who needs comedy central when you have Wild N' Out. Be sure to check it out this Thursday night on MTV at 10 pm.

Common Knowledge?

I get made fun of a lot for not knowing the basic things that almost everyone knows. Such obvious facts are better known as common knowledge and if you don't know them you're bound to wind up like me or Jill the Barely 18 Intern on the Booker show: the subject of a degrading game where people call in and try to guess if you know the answer to easy questions. If they guess correctly they win a prize.

I'm actually of the belief that a lot of these so called common knowledge facts aren't so wildly known as everyone thinks they are. So what I'm going to do is compile a list of things people should know and I want everyone to read along and see if there are any that stumb them. Trust me they'll be at least a half dozen. I hope there's at least that many because I don't know any of these:

What year was the Miracle on Ice?

How many weeks are there in a year?

How often does a leap year occur?

How many days are in February?

Who is on the twenty dollar bill?

Which former Presidents are on Mount Rushmore?

What came first the chicken or the egg?

How many virgins do Muslims believe they get when they die?

What are the seven wonders of the world?

What are the three types of rock?

What's the most widely spoken language in America?

What's the second most populous religion in the World?

How many planets are in our solar system?

What came first the chicken or the egg?

What's the current cost of a stamp?

Is the current price of a gas over $4 a gallon?

What goes on the memo line of a check?

What do women want?

How many minutes are in a soccer match?

How many apostles were there?

Between Disney Land and Disney World which one is in Florida and which one is in California?

Does the sun set in the east or west?

How many city blocks make up a mile?

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?

What is a calorie?

What is the capital of Thailand?

Well there you have it. Was there anything on the list that stumped you?

Who was St. Patrick?

Girlfriend of the Week: Reese Witherspoon

In honor of her Oscar win for 'Walk The Line' my new girlfriend of the week is none other than Tennessee's own Reese Witherspoon.

I chose Reese because she exemplifies what a southern belle is all about. Sweet and down to earth, with stunning looks. Meeting a girl with her southern charm is exactly why I'm willing to move to Florida and almost moved to South Carolina before that. They just don't make girls like that in the Northeast.

Now if I could just Ryan Phillippe out of the picture. Oh, my bad, he has been out of the picture ever since Cruel Intentions.

Reese holding a little man...I just wish a girl like that would hold my little man.

Freaks of Nature

People say that they love it. That it's the greatest city in the world. But I don't see it. All I see is a bunch of circus freaks, future psychiatric ward occupants, and drunken ass clowns. The Big Apple? More like the Big Ahgetmeoutofhere.

The perfect examples of what I'm talking about occured last night as I walking around mid town with Russell. We started at Penn Station which was basically turned into the World's largest tailgate party as thousands of college students from Georgetown and Syracuse invaded Madison Square Garden for the Big East Championship Tournament. There was a tent set up across the street from the Garden with 9 kegs just hanging out on the sidewalk. A sea of humanity filled the streets for blocks and blocks around MSG. It was like Times Square on New Year's Eve.

From there we took the subway to the East Side where a woman standing near us was wearing a shower curtain as a coat. She was also wearing sunglasses to cover up the fact that she had two different colored eyes. She was checking out Russell and eventually started talking to him asking him if he was from Los Angeles. So weird. As soon as we got off the subway, of course at the same stop as her, we ran in the other direction.

We then hung out outside a bar when a guy dressed as the pope walked down the street waving to passerbys. The homeless guy standing a few feet away from us who previously had been talking to himself even ripped on the guy saying that he should go back to the Vatican. Only in New York can the crazy homeless guy seem sane. All that and it wasn't even 10 pm yet.

We wound up hanging out for the rest of the night in the VIP section of a hip hop bar for Whitney's birthday. A perfect ending to one of the most random nights I've ever been a part of. Thanks for the memories Freaks.

Week In Review

*Special Early Edition*

Random thoughts from the last week:

I don't understand some of these statistics that get thrown out. Like when they say that 150,000 people die each day. Or there's a car accident some where in the world every 10 seconds. How is that possible? Wouldn't we have a serious population shortage if that was the case? Or at least have higher insurance premiums? I think those statistics are whack.

I'm thinking of putting down multi-talented on my resume since I can burp and fart at the same time.

Food prices on Wall Street or so high that the dollar menu at McDonald's is actually $2.

Pass this joke onto ten people in the next thirty minutes and you will receive a phone call from a long lost friend.

Yankees outfielder Johnny Damon will be playing leftfield for Team USA in the WBC instead of his normal centerfield position so he said, "it's an adjustment, that's why I go out there and kind of get some pretty good shagging in." And this whole time I thought that lefty reliever Mike Myers was the one doing all the shagging.

I'm thinking about dressing up in drag so that I can get free drinks during ladies night.

How come bagel stores don't carry margarine anymore? Why, because it's not healthy for you? Neither are cigarettes and yet newsstands still carry those! Where's the equality?!

Do you think that midgets hang up Nate Robinson growth chart posters on their walls the way that we used to hang up Michael Jordan posters?

Is it me or does the new pope look like Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars?

Website of the Month: The Sportspickle

Sports and pickles. My two favorite things. And now my favorite website. If you haven't checked out the link to the right for the sportspickle yet then you've really been missing out. Even more than I am with all the movies I haven't seen and books I haven't read.

Www.sportspickle.com is the greatest parody website on the net today. Better than the onion and even though it pains me to say it even better than nushuffle.com. It's so good that even if you don't know anything about sports you'll come to love the site. It's a must read each and every Wednesday. So be sure to check it out.

Sorry for using a gay ass picture of some male model but it's the only pic that I could find.

The Complete List

Yesterday I detailed how I'm supposedly missing out on leading a fulfilling life by having not watched several classic movies. As a follow up to that piece I'm going to go ahead and actually list all the movies from the the last three decades that most people will agree that I should have seen. After that I'm also going to look at famous books I should have read. Between movies and books it will be the complete list of things I need to do before I die.

Movies I should see:

Scarface
Godfather trilogy
Goodfellas
Animal House
Star Wars 3
The Princess Bride
Platoon
Basic Instinct
Wall Street
A Bronx Tale
All the Freddy Kruger movies
All the Jason movies
Coming To America
Spaceballs
Scent of a Woman
The Postman
Raging Bull
The Big Lebowski
Rudy
Airplane
Casino
Fight Club
Ernest Goes To Jail
Silence of the Lambs
Psycho
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
The Muppets Take Manhattan
Aliens
Risky Business

Books I Should Read:

Brave New World
1984
Davinci Code
Of Mice and Men
A Streetcar Named Desire
Animal Farm
Charlotte's Web
A Farewell To Arms
Lord of the Flies

Does anybody have any other suggestions???

Am I Missing Out?

Well it took a few weeks but my co-workers have finally realized how weird I am. Surprisingly, it's not even because of my eating habits, the fact that I go to the bathroom 17 times a day, or a result of my obsession with dating a hollywood celebrity.

Rather, they can't get over the fact that I have never seen some classic movies. I'm talking a whose who of must sees. Everything from the The Godfather Trilogy to Scarface to Animal House. If it's referenced by hip hop gangsters as being the inspiration for their latest soundtrack I almost definitely didn't see it. In fact, anything made before I was born I probably haven't seen with the only exceptions being it's a Wonderful Life and the Wizard of Oz.

Post 1990 on the other hand I've probably seen almost everything. And I mean everything. From A to Z. From American Pie to Zethora. We'll just chalk that up to being a product of the fact that I have no life.

The funny thing is that even though I know I would enjoy watching some of these classic movies I have absolutely no desire to. Maybe I'll catch a part of something when it comes on tv but I'm certainly not going to check the tv listings to see what's playing on AMC anytime soon.

Maybe it's to my own detriment and perhaps I'm missing out but I'd rather not waste my time playing catch up when I can just focus on the current films. I figure if I see everything that's out now then I'll definitely be able to hold my own in a converation at my high school reunion. And as we all know there's nothing more important in one's life than their high school reunion. Just ask Romy and Michelle.

I don't even know what it's about....

Oscars Review

For an event that's more self congratulatory than a Sweet 16 or end zone celebration I have to hand it to the Oscars for putting on a good show last night. Skits involving Ben Stiller, Will Farrell, Steve Carrell, and Tom Hanks all delivered as did first time host Jon Stewart.

While most people were expecting Stewart to CRASH and burn he actually did surprisingly well as I knew he would. He seemed to win a lot of people over with his dead panning and sarcastic wit that poked fun of Hollywood from an outsider's perspective. Don't be surprised to see Stewart host again real soon. And by real soon I mean the next time every single other person on the Academy's wish list says no first.

In the spirit of starting a new tradition here's my first annual look back at Hollywood's biggest night:

Closing Monologue

Reese Witherspoon's acceptance speech was very touching. It was almost as good as her graduation speech at the end of Legally Blonde 1.

Apparently if you play gay or transgendered you earn Academy award nominations. And yet somehow George Clooney had never been nominated before.

Jennifer Garner had a great line after nearly slipping on her dress saying, "I do my own stunts." I felt like saying, "yeah but who does your acting? A mannequin?"

The only person who wasn't happy with Stewart's performance: Stewart himself. Ah, the pains of being a self deprecating comedian.

Stewart missed out though on this piece of comedic gold: "So it looks like Mulcauley Culkin is in the building tonight. That's right, he'll be the guy who sits in your seat when you get up to go to the bathroom."

I would hate to see the love child if Michael Jackson and Dolly Parton had a kid.

I hear that Madea's Family Reunion is an early frontrunner for next year's Best Picture.

What I Would Have Done

Best Picture: Crash won in a surprise but I would have went with an even bigger surprise, write in candidate, the 40 Year Old Virgin. Come on people, are you really going to try and tell me that you liked Capote better? How come movies that people actually watch are never nominated! I think box office sales and an audience vote should be considered from now on.

Best Actress: Reese Witherspoon won for Walk The Line but I would have went with Keira Knightley just because she's the only person in the world who could make people want to watch a documentary on grass growing.

Best Actor: Philip Seymour Hoffman won but his name is too long so I would have went with Heath Ledger just so that I could have seen more closeups of Michelle Williams.

Best Supporting Actress: Rachel Weissz won for the Constant Gardener but I would have went with...oh, who am I kidding. I don't even know who else was nominated. I was busy checking away messages.

Best Supporting Actor: George Clooney won for Syriana but he should have had his nomination revoked since it was for Syriana.

Girlfriend of the Week: Jessica Alba

Earlier this week one of New York's free daily papers, the Metro, had the greatest headline I have ever seen. Right above an article about President Bush's visit to Pakistan was the headline, "Jessica Alba Still Not Naked."

It's not just that they said it. It's the way that they said it. So seriously, as if this was some kind of late breaking political development. Of course, this is the Metro that we're talking about. Like the Post and the Daily News they're just trying to get you to read their product. But despite that they're usually not a tabloid paper. More of just a collection of wire service reports. The fact that they strayed from their normal routine just to report this is what struck me as funny.

The issue that they were referring to was the fact that Alba appears on this month's Playboy cover. If you walk by a newstand and just catch Alba on the cover you'd think that she was finally derobing. It turns out though that she was just put on the cover to promote their article on the 25 hottest celebrities. She's not actually their playmate for the month so it's somewhat of false advertising on their part. As a result she's suing them for using pictures of her without her permission and portraying her in a way that she wasn't comfortable with.

Not that I can blame her. I wouldn't want somebody to use a picture of me in a bikini without my permission either. But my advice to Jessica would be to spend less time filing lawsuits against Hugh Heffner and more time finding a new agent. After all, don't you think it's time you got out of a leotard and superhero costume and wrapped your 'Idol Hands' around an Oscar?

A picture's worth a thousand words.....

Jessica went from 'Into The Blue' to 'Into the hard drive on my computer'.

Week In Review

Random thoughts from the last week:

Gramatically you can have a double negative but can you have a double positive?

There's such a thing as dead weight but is there such a thing as live weight?

I'm still waiting for the day when I see somebody fall through a two way door as they go to push it open at the same time someone else is pulling it open from the other side.

Do you think that if I don't have time to eat a bowl of cereal in the morning that I can just eat a Nestle crunch bar when I get to work and call it even?

Half the time I type lol on instant messenger I find something funny but I'm not literally laughing out loud. How come there's no acronym for what I'm actually doing, like LOTI - laughing on the inside?

Is there a more shameless advertising plug than, "Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle"?

Why do people always run to the store that sold a winning lottery ticket? Chances are pretty good that the next winning ticket will come from anywhere but there. Find out which place hasn't had a winner in the longest time and go there since that's the place that's most due to produce a winner.

The new guy in my office, Robert, had the line of the week when he broke an awkward silence by blurting out, "I wouldn't want to be anybody's love child."

Did you know that the word cake means money? And this whole time I thought it was something you eat on your birthday!

I have a burning desire to take the Wonderlic tests that are given to NFL draft prospects at the scouting combine to test their IQ's. I'm pretty sure that I would dominant. A sample question would be, "what's the 11th month of the year?" Pretty easy stuff. Even I know that the correct answer is October.

A recent palm reading showed that I won't find true love.....a duh, I could have told you that.

World Baseball Classic Preview

The innaugural World Baseball Classic kicks off today amidst high hopes from MLB executives and tappered enthusiam amongst players. The owners were for it, except of course for George Steinbrenner who wants to protect his investments.

Everyone's biggest fear from the owners to commissioner Bud Selig to the players themselves is of course the possibility of a major injury occuring. Of course injuries could occur just the same in a spring training game or while washing your car. If you don't believe me just ask Jeff Kent.

However, it's the idea that they are more likely to happen in a contrived and meaningless pre season tournament with a playoff game type atmosphere that has everyone worried. There's more than just bragging rights at stake here. This is the Olympics for baseball, a chance for these guys to play for pride and country. The temptation to go full out before their bodies are ready will be there. Especially for the pitchers.

WBC organizers insist that strict pitch counts and innings limits will be enforced but if a country's championship hopes are on the line whose to say a player won't volunteer to pitch for longer than they should. The risk for injury is too great.

That's why this tournament never should have happened. It's the kind of crazy idea that I'm supposed to pitch to MLB in a letter and get laughed at. The kind of thing that Baseball Weekly writers are supposed to come up with mock teams for. The kind of thing that a Japanese guy and Canadian guy are supposed to argue about in a bar. Whose better Ichiro or Jason Bay? It's not actually supposed to happen.

And yet it has and now the entire baseball world will hold their breathe while it does, hoping, wishing, praying that their team's star player doesn't get hurt. Unfortunately, that's not going to happen. It's a bad idea and bad ideas are meant to blow up in the organizer's face. The only way that's going to happen is if someone or several someones get hurt. And I'm not talking about pulling a hamstring. I'm talking about Carson Palmer knee injury kind of hurt. Career ending injuries. The kind that make this tournament an entire chapter in the baseball encyclopedia and not just a footnote in the section on globalization.

The 2 players with the greatest odds of getting hurt are the two players with the most to lose. The best positional player and pitcher. That being the Yankees Alex Rodriguez, the reigning AL MVP, and the Twins Johan Santana, a former Cy Young award winner. I obviously hope that they and everyone else make it through the tournament in one piece. But if I were a betting man I would bet the mortgage on a major injury occuring to a top star. The only question is which one?

With that having been said I'm still going to watch the tournament but I hereby reserve the right to say I told you so. As for my Shames-o-matic prediction I think it will be South Africa and Italy in the finals with South Africa winning it all. Just kidding. Those countries shouldn't even be in the tournament. The real winner will be Velenzuela who will ride their rotation of Santana, Carlos Zambrano, and Freddy Garcia to the win over the Dominican Republic.

See what they did there? The baseball is really a globe....MLB's creative team sure did out do themselves this time.

The Twilight Zone

In the words of Jack Black, prepare yourselves, for things are about to get 'freaky deaky'. What I'm about to tell you is going to blow your mind like nothing ever has before. You'll be tempted to chalk it up to mere coincidence but upon further review you'll find that not even the most obscure of explanations will work. There's something greater at work here, something unexplainable. The kind of thing you'd find on an episode of the Twilight Zone or Lost.

What I'm referring to is a bizarre serious of circumstances that occurred yesterday at work. It all started when I struck up a conversation with the new guy, Robert, a 27 year old tv/movie buff and former production assistant for the Sopranos. (Keep that last part in mind)

We started talking about movies, and favorites actresses and by the time I went to lunch my entire area of co-workers had just run the gaumet of pop culture discussing everything from transformers to Resident Evil.

At the time I didn't think twice about the conversation because on any given day you'll talk about dozens of different things to help pass the time. But I began to realize that this was no ordinary conversation after going to lunch and reading the New York Post. Now keep in mind that the fact that I read the paper at lunch is unusual to begin with since I usually read it on the way home but for some reason I was compelled to read it at lunch. And I soon realized why I was supposed to read it...

(Drum roll please) The reason why is that literally everything we had just talked about appeared in the paper in some shape or form. My first clue was seeing the headline "Charles in Charge" just minutes after debating whether or not Kirsten Dunst played the youngest daughter on the show. The headline referred to an article about '24' which we had also just discussed saying how it was hard to get into without having watched it from the beginning.

Further into the paper I found pictures for Keira Knightly, Scarlett Johannson, Hugh Jackman, Halle Berry, and Tom Cruise all of whom had been mentioned prominently throughout our conversations on favorite actresses and movies.

At this point I knew something was up so I looked in the Daily News as well to see if this phenomenom was just contained to the Post. It wasn't. In the Daily News I found headlines containing the words 'Lost' and 'Underworld' obvious references to my favorite show and the new Kate Beckinsale vampire movie both of which we had just spent a signifcant amount of time talking about.

If you're still not convinced consider that the Daily News had an entire pullout section dedicated to...the new season of the Sopranos. Which as you'll recall is the show that the new guy worked on.

Between pictures, headlines, and articles I was convinced that it had to be more than just mere coincidence that every single thing we discussed appeared in print format that same day. Not some things we talked about. But every single thing.

It's almost as if we were preordained to talk about those things by some all powerful god of gab. Perhaps if I had read both papers on the way to work I would have been able to predict what conversations would take place. Which is definitely something that I'm going to try tomorrow. Until then I'm just going to go around thinking that I'm living out an episode of the Twilight Zone. The only question that remains though is how long has this been going on for? (Cue Twilight Zone music.)

Am I living in The Twilight Zone? Is the New York Post trying to tell me something?

March Madness

Well it only took 365 days but my favorite month has returned! I'm not quite sure why I like March so much. My birthday isn't until May, nothing exciting has ever really happened to me in this particular month (or any month for that matter), and it's actually annoyingly long.

And yet I can find a plethora (great word for playing scrabble) of reasons why I like it. First off, it's not one of those poser months that's really someone's name like April or June. Although, there is a porn star named Morgan March.

I think I like it so much because to me it signifies the beginning of spring. Not technically since that damn groundhog said we would have six more weeks of winter. And not in reality either since it's supposed to snow this weekend. For some reason though, despite all that, it just feels like spring to me. Or at the very least I know that spring time is coming up soon.

It's also the mecca of professional sporting events as you have the start of the baseball season with the culminations of the basketball and hockey seasons. Throw in the NCAA tournament, Wrestlemania (sometimes), and this year only the World Baseball Classic and there's plenty of reasons to use up those sick days.

As you can see it's an action packed month and I haven't even mentioned St. Patrick's Day, Mardi Gras, Spring Break, or my sister's birthday yet. Which makes it the official month for drunken debauchery. On second thought...I'm not sure I like this month anymore.