Oscars Review

For an event that's more self congratulatory than a Sweet 16 or end zone celebration I have to hand it to the Oscars for putting on a good show last night. Skits involving Ben Stiller, Will Farrell, Steve Carrell, and Tom Hanks all delivered as did first time host Jon Stewart.

While most people were expecting Stewart to CRASH and burn he actually did surprisingly well as I knew he would. He seemed to win a lot of people over with his dead panning and sarcastic wit that poked fun of Hollywood from an outsider's perspective. Don't be surprised to see Stewart host again real soon. And by real soon I mean the next time every single other person on the Academy's wish list says no first.

In the spirit of starting a new tradition here's my first annual look back at Hollywood's biggest night:

Closing Monologue

Reese Witherspoon's acceptance speech was very touching. It was almost as good as her graduation speech at the end of Legally Blonde 1.

Apparently if you play gay or transgendered you earn Academy award nominations. And yet somehow George Clooney had never been nominated before.

Jennifer Garner had a great line after nearly slipping on her dress saying, "I do my own stunts." I felt like saying, "yeah but who does your acting? A mannequin?"

The only person who wasn't happy with Stewart's performance: Stewart himself. Ah, the pains of being a self deprecating comedian.

Stewart missed out though on this piece of comedic gold: "So it looks like Mulcauley Culkin is in the building tonight. That's right, he'll be the guy who sits in your seat when you get up to go to the bathroom."

I would hate to see the love child if Michael Jackson and Dolly Parton had a kid.

I hear that Madea's Family Reunion is an early frontrunner for next year's Best Picture.

What I Would Have Done

Best Picture: Crash won in a surprise but I would have went with an even bigger surprise, write in candidate, the 40 Year Old Virgin. Come on people, are you really going to try and tell me that you liked Capote better? How come movies that people actually watch are never nominated! I think box office sales and an audience vote should be considered from now on.

Best Actress: Reese Witherspoon won for Walk The Line but I would have went with Keira Knightley just because she's the only person in the world who could make people want to watch a documentary on grass growing.

Best Actor: Philip Seymour Hoffman won but his name is too long so I would have went with Heath Ledger just so that I could have seen more closeups of Michelle Williams.

Best Supporting Actress: Rachel Weissz won for the Constant Gardener but I would have went with...oh, who am I kidding. I don't even know who else was nominated. I was busy checking away messages.

Best Supporting Actor: George Clooney won for Syriana but he should have had his nomination revoked since it was for Syriana.