Week In Review

*Special Early Edition*

Random thoughts from the last week:

I don't understand some of these statistics that get thrown out. Like when they say that 150,000 people die each day. Or there's a car accident some where in the world every 10 seconds. How is that possible? Wouldn't we have a serious population shortage if that was the case? Or at least have higher insurance premiums? I think those statistics are whack.

I'm thinking of putting down multi-talented on my resume since I can burp and fart at the same time.

Food prices on Wall Street or so high that the dollar menu at McDonald's is actually $2.

Pass this joke onto ten people in the next thirty minutes and you will receive a phone call from a long lost friend.

Yankees outfielder Johnny Damon will be playing leftfield for Team USA in the WBC instead of his normal centerfield position so he said, "it's an adjustment, that's why I go out there and kind of get some pretty good shagging in." And this whole time I thought that lefty reliever Mike Myers was the one doing all the shagging.

I'm thinking about dressing up in drag so that I can get free drinks during ladies night.

How come bagel stores don't carry margarine anymore? Why, because it's not healthy for you? Neither are cigarettes and yet newsstands still carry those! Where's the equality?!

Do you think that midgets hang up Nate Robinson growth chart posters on their walls the way that we used to hang up Michael Jordan posters?

Is it me or does the new pope look like Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars?