I picked up a game last week on Brian thanks to the Chargers destroying the Giants. This week I should dominate even more than USC would if they were to play Nassau Community College in an out of conference game.
Buffalo over New Orleans - The glass slipper seems to have finally fallen off for the Saints who after upsetting the Panthers in week one have looked like shit ever since. Buffalo's off to a slow start too but they'll get better as QB J.P. Losman gets more comfortable.
Jacksonville over Denver - I'm actually tempted to take the Broncos after seeing how they dismantled the Chiefs on MNF. Instead I'll hope that Brian does and I'll take the Jags at home.
Tampa Bay over Detroit - So much for being a dark horse team. Instead the Lions are just awful as usual. Tampa Bay's been the surprise of the season so far. At some point Cadillac Williams will need a change up but until then Bucs all the way.
Cincinnati over Houston - The Bengals at 4-0? Never thought I'd see that. But these aren't your mothers Bengals. They're Chad Johnsons. And there's no going back now.
Indy over the Titans - I tempted to refer to this game as the Clash of the Titans since it's literally the Titans versus the figurative Titans of the NFL, the undefeated Colts. But I won't. Oops too late.
Philly over KC - McNabb's injured sternum scares me as does David Aker's injured hammy but not enough to pick inconsistent KC over them. A win by KC wouldn't surprise me though.
SD over N.E. - This may surprise you but the losses of Matt Light, Kevin Faulk and Rodney Harrison might finally be too much to overcome for the Pats. Plus I just have a really good feeling about the Chargers with LT and AG blowing up.
Seattle over Washington - Seattle's always inconsistent which I guess actually makes them consistent. I can see them dropping a stinker in DC but something about the way Shaun Alexander is running the ball makes me doubt that.
Giants over St. Louis - With Eli Manning playing so well the Giants have the offense to match the Rams and a better D to stop the Rams Greatest Show on Turf. Plus there are rumors that WR Isaac Bruce won't be playing.
Jets over Baltimore - The entire free world is going to be picking the Ravens since the Jets are starting Brooks Bollinger at QB. That's exactly why I'm picking the Jets. I just gotta be different.
Oakland over Dallas - The Raiders are the best 0-3 team in the NFL and playing at home will help them finally pick up their first W.
Atlanta over Minnesota - Minny's offense might finally be coming around but Atlanta at home is tough to argue with. Michael Vick's health is a concern but I think their defense and running game will be the difference here.
San Fran over Arizona - I can't believe I'm actually picking the 49ers to win after previously predicting they'd be 0-16. But they're fiestier than I expected and the Cardinals are very much so still the Cardinals.
Carolina over Green Bay - How many more winless weeks until Brett Farve retires mid season?
Friday, September 30, 2005
Thursday, September 29, 2005
More Shames-o-Matic Predictions
Taking Brian's advice I'm going to blog today about the playoff race in baseball with some outrageous predictions that only I could possibly come up with.
1. The Yankees will go into Boston with a 1 game lead and then promptly lose 2 out of 3 to force a one game playoff. The pitching matchup will be Shawn Chacon versus Bronson Arroyo and the Yankees will win on the strength of a pinch hit extra inning HR by former Red Sox Mark Bellhorn as Bellhorn joins Bucky, Babe, and Boone on the list of Boston Red Sox killers with the letter B in their name.
2. The San Diego Padres, the worst first place team in baseball history, will shock the world and knock off the St. Louis Cardinals in the first round of the playoffs.
3. The Astros-Braves series will go five games and be remembered as the greatest Divisional Series of all time. The Braves will find a way to win.
4. White Sox - Angels in the ALCS will lead to dismal ratings and Fox's Rupert Murdoch will commit suicide. Afterwards MLB announces that Yankees-Red Sox have already clinched playoff spots for next year to ensure that there won't be a repeat of this year where one didn't make it in.
5. The Braves finaly win the World Series over the Angels. Afterwards the entire team retires so that they can go out on top.
As always, check back tomorrow for outrageous predictions for the fourth week in the NFL
1. The Yankees will go into Boston with a 1 game lead and then promptly lose 2 out of 3 to force a one game playoff. The pitching matchup will be Shawn Chacon versus Bronson Arroyo and the Yankees will win on the strength of a pinch hit extra inning HR by former Red Sox Mark Bellhorn as Bellhorn joins Bucky, Babe, and Boone on the list of Boston Red Sox killers with the letter B in their name.
2. The San Diego Padres, the worst first place team in baseball history, will shock the world and knock off the St. Louis Cardinals in the first round of the playoffs.
3. The Astros-Braves series will go five games and be remembered as the greatest Divisional Series of all time. The Braves will find a way to win.
4. White Sox - Angels in the ALCS will lead to dismal ratings and Fox's Rupert Murdoch will commit suicide. Afterwards MLB announces that Yankees-Red Sox have already clinched playoff spots for next year to ensure that there won't be a repeat of this year where one didn't make it in.
5. The Braves finaly win the World Series over the Angels. Afterwards the entire team retires so that they can go out on top.
As always, check back tomorrow for outrageous predictions for the fourth week in the NFL
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Is That The Best You Can Do?
Whose running Hollywood these days? A bunch of contestants from the latest season of the Apprentice? Sure seems that way with these second rate ideas that they keep churning out. No wonder box office receipts are steadily on the decline from last year. Nobody wants to watch this crap.
It sure seems like every movie that comes out is based off of something else. It's either a remake like Alfie, an adaptation of a famous book like the Lord of the Rings, or the big screen verseion of a popular tv show like Starsky & Hutch.
There's no creativity, no originality anymore. And when there is like say with American Pie you can be damn sure that they'll be two or three sequels.
Why doesn't Hollywood take a step back and look at the bigger picture for once? Why don't they stop churning out the same crap over and over again, sometimes at the same time, like with Armageddon and Deep Impact coming out simultaenously, and make some quality films for once.
Anybody can pick a historical event with a big battle scene in it, package it up real nice, put Orlando Bloom in it, and release it over the summer. But can they also find engaging story lines and characters that really speak to people? Situations and outcomes that people can relate to? Probably not. Not on their own at least.
That's why in an effort to save Hollywood from itself I'm setting out to come up with the next generation of cult classic movie hits.
Now if you'll excuse me, it's brainstorming time.
It sure seems like every movie that comes out is based off of something else. It's either a remake like Alfie, an adaptation of a famous book like the Lord of the Rings, or the big screen verseion of a popular tv show like Starsky & Hutch.
There's no creativity, no originality anymore. And when there is like say with American Pie you can be damn sure that they'll be two or three sequels.
Why doesn't Hollywood take a step back and look at the bigger picture for once? Why don't they stop churning out the same crap over and over again, sometimes at the same time, like with Armageddon and Deep Impact coming out simultaenously, and make some quality films for once.
Anybody can pick a historical event with a big battle scene in it, package it up real nice, put Orlando Bloom in it, and release it over the summer. But can they also find engaging story lines and characters that really speak to people? Situations and outcomes that people can relate to? Probably not. Not on their own at least.
That's why in an effort to save Hollywood from itself I'm setting out to come up with the next generation of cult classic movie hits.
Now if you'll excuse me, it's brainstorming time.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Random IM Convo
headcase524: but i might want to get into higher ed
headcase524: student affairs or guidance counseling
TullyFRL: a guy who cant figure out his own shit guiding others
TullyFRL: i like it
headcase524: ha
headcase524: well i can relate to them
headcase524: i know how frustrating it can be
headcase524: its perfect actually
headcase524: student affairs or guidance counseling
TullyFRL: a guy who cant figure out his own shit guiding others
TullyFRL: i like it
headcase524: ha
headcase524: well i can relate to them
headcase524: i know how frustrating it can be
headcase524: its perfect actually
Voluntears
Last week my good friend Whitney Bates alerted me to a great volunteer opportunity in NYC. Knowing that I had the desire to go all the way to the Gulf Coast to assist in the hurricane recovery process she found a way to for us to help out without having to travel half way across the country.
What she came up with was a week long joint venture between NBC and Habitat for Humanity that enables people to go down to Rockefeller Center and help build new homes for those people affected by Hurricane Katrina and now also Hurricane Rita.
I was excited to hear of this opportunity because it was a way for me to help out without just sending money somewhere, even though I did that as well. This way I could also give my blood, sweat, and tears to the effort, especially my blood considering how I am with a hammer.
More than that though it was also my chance to meet Brittany Snow since a lot of NBC related celebrities were going to be making appearances.
Unfortunately, it doesn't look like I'll have the opportunity to anymore because registration is already full. I highly doubt that they would turn someone away if they showed up willing to help but logistically there's probably nothing they can do if there's more people than tasks.
Perhaps they should consider extending the project a few more days, especially into the weekend, to give those who want to volunteer an opportunity to do so. But I doubt that they'll be able to do that on short notice.
I'm not sure how this will play out. Maybe I still will get the chance to go and use a glue gun like I've always wanted to. But it doesn't look that way. Instead it looks like I'll have to buy a bottle of elmer's glue and put some on my skin so that I can peel it off once it dries like I used to do in the first grade.
And unfortunately that's not going to benefit anyone. :(
Now if you'll excuse me I have to go get some more tissues so that I can wipe away my voluntears.
What she came up with was a week long joint venture between NBC and Habitat for Humanity that enables people to go down to Rockefeller Center and help build new homes for those people affected by Hurricane Katrina and now also Hurricane Rita.
I was excited to hear of this opportunity because it was a way for me to help out without just sending money somewhere, even though I did that as well. This way I could also give my blood, sweat, and tears to the effort, especially my blood considering how I am with a hammer.
More than that though it was also my chance to meet Brittany Snow since a lot of NBC related celebrities were going to be making appearances.
Unfortunately, it doesn't look like I'll have the opportunity to anymore because registration is already full. I highly doubt that they would turn someone away if they showed up willing to help but logistically there's probably nothing they can do if there's more people than tasks.
Perhaps they should consider extending the project a few more days, especially into the weekend, to give those who want to volunteer an opportunity to do so. But I doubt that they'll be able to do that on short notice.
I'm not sure how this will play out. Maybe I still will get the chance to go and use a glue gun like I've always wanted to. But it doesn't look that way. Instead it looks like I'll have to buy a bottle of elmer's glue and put some on my skin so that I can peel it off once it dries like I used to do in the first grade.
And unfortunately that's not going to benefit anyone. :(
Now if you'll excuse me I have to go get some more tissues so that I can wipe away my voluntears.
Monday, September 26, 2005
Happy Gilmore
And no I'm not talking about my fascination with the Gilmore Girls. I'm talking about golf.
I'm not a big fan of the sport, if you can even call it that, so it's weird that I'm even blogging about it. But that may all change after I went to the driving range with Brian over the weekend.
I started out slowly swinging and missing more than Alex Rodriguez with runners in scoring position. But eventually I got the hang of it and started making contact. After I found a stance that I liked (an unorthodox one at that where I stand behind the ball with my legs spread apart in two different positions like I'm a first baseman stretching for a throw) the results started to come. I could control where the ball went and was hitting it well over 250 yards.
Kind of makes me wonder that with my quasi athletic ability where I'm certainly no slouch but not that great at any one sport that maybe I could have been a pro golfer. Golfers aren't great athletes but they are in shape which is the category that I kind of fit into.
Golf is also a game where being afraid of the ball doesn't hinder you and there's also nobody trying to tackle you or take the ball away from you. It's just you and the course and with my cerebal abilities I could probably be competitive.
After all, I already dress as uncoordinated as Payne Stewart and love to play mini-golf so maybe I've always been a golfer at heart. I just wish I would have gone to the driving range sooner. Like say 15 years ago.
I'm not a big fan of the sport, if you can even call it that, so it's weird that I'm even blogging about it. But that may all change after I went to the driving range with Brian over the weekend.
I started out slowly swinging and missing more than Alex Rodriguez with runners in scoring position. But eventually I got the hang of it and started making contact. After I found a stance that I liked (an unorthodox one at that where I stand behind the ball with my legs spread apart in two different positions like I'm a first baseman stretching for a throw) the results started to come. I could control where the ball went and was hitting it well over 250 yards.
Kind of makes me wonder that with my quasi athletic ability where I'm certainly no slouch but not that great at any one sport that maybe I could have been a pro golfer. Golfers aren't great athletes but they are in shape which is the category that I kind of fit into.
Golf is also a game where being afraid of the ball doesn't hinder you and there's also nobody trying to tackle you or take the ball away from you. It's just you and the course and with my cerebal abilities I could probably be competitive.
After all, I already dress as uncoordinated as Payne Stewart and love to play mini-golf so maybe I've always been a golfer at heart. I just wish I would have gone to the driving range sooner. Like say 15 years ago.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Gamers, Cobras Split In Championship Game Rematch
East Meadow, NY - In a long awaited rematch from last fall's championship game the Gamers (5-1) and Cobras (5-1) split in a heated doubleheader that had a playoff game feel to it. The Cobras easily won the first game 18-1 as the undermanned Gamers, already playing without six regulars, had to play with only 9 fielders. But in typical Gamers fashion, they battled back and won a nail bitter in the second game 14-9.
Suffice to say the first game will not be going in the Gamer's time capsule. Basically, playing with three outfielders is like playing with one arm tied behind your back and it showed as the aggressive Cobras took advantage of the hole in rcf. Add a comedy of errors on top of that and the Gamers were in an early hole that they never recovered from. They would have been shut out if it wasn't for a single by Rob Rathbun and double by Dave Kheel that manufactured a run.
The second game though was an entirely different story. Sparked by the additions of Anthony "what happens in Vega stays in" Vega and Vinny Chin "music" the Gamers were able to pick up the win. Defensively, random peeps Joey "Gorgs" and Kale Buckley pitched in as did regulars Brian Malfettone and Dave Roll to help the cause.
It didn't look like it was going to work out for the Gamers early on as they fell behind 6-2 after three innings. But they showed a lot of heart to battle back, chipping away at the lead with 3 runs in the fourth and another 3 in the fifth to pull within one. Still trailing by one heading into the top of the 7th inning they rallied for six runs tying the game on a double by Schultz and then taking the lead for good on a clutch double from reigning MVP Rathbun that scored two more runs. The Gamers then held on in the bottom of the inning to secure the win behind the pitching of Kheel.
Their win wouldn't have been possible though if not for the exploits of SS Rob Roll who made two game saving catches, one an over the shoulder grab that saved two runs and the other a diving stop and flip from his back to Rathbun that killed another rally. He also went 2 for 4 with a homerun to lead the Gamers offensive attack.
Joining Roll in the hit parade were John Schultz (3 for 4), Rathbun (3 for 4, with another hr), Chin (4 for 4, with a hr), and Vega (2 for 4, with a 2 run triple in the first inning to set the tone). Kheel also added a Gamers style homerun on a triple that he kept running on, avoiding the tag at the plate with a great hook slide, just getting his finger tips in at the last second.
The Gamers will look to continue their impressive play next week when they collide with the division's other power house team, the Corner Pub.
Suffice to say the first game will not be going in the Gamer's time capsule. Basically, playing with three outfielders is like playing with one arm tied behind your back and it showed as the aggressive Cobras took advantage of the hole in rcf. Add a comedy of errors on top of that and the Gamers were in an early hole that they never recovered from. They would have been shut out if it wasn't for a single by Rob Rathbun and double by Dave Kheel that manufactured a run.
The second game though was an entirely different story. Sparked by the additions of Anthony "what happens in Vega stays in" Vega and Vinny Chin "music" the Gamers were able to pick up the win. Defensively, random peeps Joey "Gorgs" and Kale Buckley pitched in as did regulars Brian Malfettone and Dave Roll to help the cause.
It didn't look like it was going to work out for the Gamers early on as they fell behind 6-2 after three innings. But they showed a lot of heart to battle back, chipping away at the lead with 3 runs in the fourth and another 3 in the fifth to pull within one. Still trailing by one heading into the top of the 7th inning they rallied for six runs tying the game on a double by Schultz and then taking the lead for good on a clutch double from reigning MVP Rathbun that scored two more runs. The Gamers then held on in the bottom of the inning to secure the win behind the pitching of Kheel.
Their win wouldn't have been possible though if not for the exploits of SS Rob Roll who made two game saving catches, one an over the shoulder grab that saved two runs and the other a diving stop and flip from his back to Rathbun that killed another rally. He also went 2 for 4 with a homerun to lead the Gamers offensive attack.
Joining Roll in the hit parade were John Schultz (3 for 4), Rathbun (3 for 4, with another hr), Chin (4 for 4, with a hr), and Vega (2 for 4, with a 2 run triple in the first inning to set the tone). Kheel also added a Gamers style homerun on a triple that he kept running on, avoiding the tag at the plate with a great hook slide, just getting his finger tips in at the last second.
The Gamers will look to continue their impressive play next week when they collide with the division's other power house team, the Corner Pub.
Random IM Convo
Scream82: you need to come on wednesday, just to see the legendary brian allen
Scream82: trust me
Scream82: he's worth the price of admission
Scream82: which is 0
headcase524: ha
headcase524: then you're saying hes worthless?
Scream82: trust me
Scream82: he's worth the price of admission
Scream82: which is 0
headcase524: ha
headcase524: then you're saying hes worthless?
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Week in Review
Random thoughts from the last week:
There are three types of people who go to the mall during the day: housewives, underaged teenage girls cutting high school, and unemployed slackers like myself who go to check out the housewives and teenage girls.
What's the point of bleeping out curse words in songs on the radio? What do they think that by doing that we're not going to be able to figure out what was said? You might as well just air the song in it's original form. That way you won't have to pay someone to sit there and censor out the curse words.
I've finally found someone lazier than me: mall security guards who patrol on scooters. What's up with that?
It seems like you have to be gay or british to shop in H&M, drive a lexus to shop in J.Crew and be between 13 and 16 to shop in Aeropostale. I'm running out of places to shop at this rate.
If someone is from Long Island are they an islander, islandite, or islandian? I'm not sure but I'm pretty sure there's a good chance they're white trash.
I think that hand dryers in public bathrooms are a good idea because they aren't as harmful to the environment as paper towels. But did anybody consider how someone is supposed to dry their face after washing it?
My favorite part about September baseball is that the local papers cover the Red Sox more than the Mets.
Billy had the line of the week when talking about my desire to join habitat for humanity he said, "you're Jewish and there hasn't been a Jewish carpenter since Jesus."
How come there's still a tax on food during tax free week?
Did you know that when keeping a kosher kitchen you have to use paper products if you're eating something non-kosher? Last week, when trying to cook dinner at Katie's house I had to cut up the chicken using nothing but a plastic fork. It was a comedy of errors. Kind of makes me wonder that perhaps the owners of paper product companies are Jewish. That way they could come up with a rule about keeping kosher that benefits their business!
There are three types of people who go to the mall during the day: housewives, underaged teenage girls cutting high school, and unemployed slackers like myself who go to check out the housewives and teenage girls.
What's the point of bleeping out curse words in songs on the radio? What do they think that by doing that we're not going to be able to figure out what was said? You might as well just air the song in it's original form. That way you won't have to pay someone to sit there and censor out the curse words.
I've finally found someone lazier than me: mall security guards who patrol on scooters. What's up with that?
It seems like you have to be gay or british to shop in H&M, drive a lexus to shop in J.Crew and be between 13 and 16 to shop in Aeropostale. I'm running out of places to shop at this rate.
If someone is from Long Island are they an islander, islandite, or islandian? I'm not sure but I'm pretty sure there's a good chance they're white trash.
I think that hand dryers in public bathrooms are a good idea because they aren't as harmful to the environment as paper towels. But did anybody consider how someone is supposed to dry their face after washing it?
My favorite part about September baseball is that the local papers cover the Red Sox more than the Mets.
Billy had the line of the week when talking about my desire to join habitat for humanity he said, "you're Jewish and there hasn't been a Jewish carpenter since Jesus."
How come there's still a tax on food during tax free week?
Did you know that when keeping a kosher kitchen you have to use paper products if you're eating something non-kosher? Last week, when trying to cook dinner at Katie's house I had to cut up the chicken using nothing but a plastic fork. It was a comedy of errors. Kind of makes me wonder that perhaps the owners of paper product companies are Jewish. That way they could come up with a rule about keeping kosher that benefits their business!
Friday, September 23, 2005
Football Picks: Week Three
I'm not off to a great start but believe me I'll get it right this week. Here are my week three picks:
Buffalo over Atlanta - Both teams are 1-1 and normally I'd take the Falcons to come out on top but with Michael Vick banged up I can't risk picking the Falcons and having Matt 'Stump the' Schuab come on as the QB. Plus the Bills have "Watcha talkin' 'bout Willis' McGahee whose looking to bounce back after a poor performance in week 2.
Cincinnati over Chicago - Chicago surprised me last week destroying the Detroit Lions worse than the Gamers destroyed the Toasted Heads. But this is Cincinnatti we're talking about and you can't go against the Carson Palmer-Chad Johnson combination. After all, Johnson is like 7-11, he's always open.
Tampa Bay over Green Bay - I love the Battle of the Bays as much as the next guy. Unless of course the next guy is Pirates outfielder Jason Bay. Then he probably likes it more than me. Nonetheless, it's a great matchup with T.B. and the franchise, Cadillac Williams, coming out on top.
Indy over Cleveland - Peyton Manning has gotten off to a slow start so I'm sure he's licking his lips at the thought of his matchup. Expect Manning to throw for 300 yards by halftime and take the second half off. The surprising Colts D could pitch another shut out.
St. Louis over Tennessee - If this game is in Tennessee I might be inclined to take the Titans but I just don't think that they have the offense to keep up with the Rams in their home debut. Expect a big day for RB Steven Jackson and WR Torry Holt.
Carolina over Miami - Any team that beats the Patriots so convincingly has got to be taken seriously. They should easily handle the overrated Dolphins.
New Orleans over Minnesota - If theYikes were playing any other team I might be inclined to take them and hope QB Daunte Culpepper breaks out of his massive 0 td/8 int slump. But with WR Nate Burelson potentially out of the lineup and the Saints playing with destiny I gotta take the boys from the bayou.
Jaguars over the Jets - Battle of the banged up teams. Jags could be without QB Byron Leftich and have alreayd lost their big play making safety Darius. But the Jets might be without Curtis 'my favorite' Martin and are stuck with Chad 'I throw like a girl' Pennington.
Philly over Oakland - The Raiders might start out 0-3 but they've played a tough scheulde opening with the Chiefs, Patriots, and Eagles. They're better than 0-3 but will have that record heading into week 4 nonetheless.
Dallas over San Fran - The Cowboys will look to bounce back from their heart breaking loss on MNF to the Redskins. Plus the 49ers are god awful having lost to the Eagles by 40+ points last week. Kind of makes you wonder how they ever beat the Rams.
Seattle over Arizona - I could very well see Arizona winning but I'm hesistant to bet on the inconsistency and poor clock management of QB Kurt Warner. Plus Seattle really looked to click on offense last week.
New England over Pittsburgh - A tough game to call. Pittsburgh has looked great the first two weeks but I can't see the Pats losing two weeks in a row. They were able to shut down the Steelers in the AFC Championship Game last year and this Steelers team isn't as good as that one. Should be a great game though.
Chargers over the Giants - The Giants are 2-0 and the Chargers are 0-2. I'm not sure which one is more surprising. Expect the Chargers to come out fired up to prove Eli Manning wrong for not wanting to play there.
Kansas City over Denver - K.C.'s offense looks unstoppable and Denver's D doesn't look like it can stop anyone. Not a good combination. KC in a blow out featuring a Dante Hall kickoff return for a touchdown.
Buffalo over Atlanta - Both teams are 1-1 and normally I'd take the Falcons to come out on top but with Michael Vick banged up I can't risk picking the Falcons and having Matt 'Stump the' Schuab come on as the QB. Plus the Bills have "Watcha talkin' 'bout Willis' McGahee whose looking to bounce back after a poor performance in week 2.
Cincinnati over Chicago - Chicago surprised me last week destroying the Detroit Lions worse than the Gamers destroyed the Toasted Heads. But this is Cincinnatti we're talking about and you can't go against the Carson Palmer-Chad Johnson combination. After all, Johnson is like 7-11, he's always open.
Tampa Bay over Green Bay - I love the Battle of the Bays as much as the next guy. Unless of course the next guy is Pirates outfielder Jason Bay. Then he probably likes it more than me. Nonetheless, it's a great matchup with T.B. and the franchise, Cadillac Williams, coming out on top.
Indy over Cleveland - Peyton Manning has gotten off to a slow start so I'm sure he's licking his lips at the thought of his matchup. Expect Manning to throw for 300 yards by halftime and take the second half off. The surprising Colts D could pitch another shut out.
St. Louis over Tennessee - If this game is in Tennessee I might be inclined to take the Titans but I just don't think that they have the offense to keep up with the Rams in their home debut. Expect a big day for RB Steven Jackson and WR Torry Holt.
Carolina over Miami - Any team that beats the Patriots so convincingly has got to be taken seriously. They should easily handle the overrated Dolphins.
New Orleans over Minnesota - If theYikes were playing any other team I might be inclined to take them and hope QB Daunte Culpepper breaks out of his massive 0 td/8 int slump. But with WR Nate Burelson potentially out of the lineup and the Saints playing with destiny I gotta take the boys from the bayou.
Jaguars over the Jets - Battle of the banged up teams. Jags could be without QB Byron Leftich and have alreayd lost their big play making safety Darius. But the Jets might be without Curtis 'my favorite' Martin and are stuck with Chad 'I throw like a girl' Pennington.
Philly over Oakland - The Raiders might start out 0-3 but they've played a tough scheulde opening with the Chiefs, Patriots, and Eagles. They're better than 0-3 but will have that record heading into week 4 nonetheless.
Dallas over San Fran - The Cowboys will look to bounce back from their heart breaking loss on MNF to the Redskins. Plus the 49ers are god awful having lost to the Eagles by 40+ points last week. Kind of makes you wonder how they ever beat the Rams.
Seattle over Arizona - I could very well see Arizona winning but I'm hesistant to bet on the inconsistency and poor clock management of QB Kurt Warner. Plus Seattle really looked to click on offense last week.
New England over Pittsburgh - A tough game to call. Pittsburgh has looked great the first two weeks but I can't see the Pats losing two weeks in a row. They were able to shut down the Steelers in the AFC Championship Game last year and this Steelers team isn't as good as that one. Should be a great game though.
Chargers over the Giants - The Giants are 2-0 and the Chargers are 0-2. I'm not sure which one is more surprising. Expect the Chargers to come out fired up to prove Eli Manning wrong for not wanting to play there.
Kansas City over Denver - K.C.'s offense looks unstoppable and Denver's D doesn't look like it can stop anyone. Not a good combination. KC in a blow out featuring a Dante Hall kickoff return for a touchdown.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Raging Rita
I would blog about what the hell happened on Lost last night but I'm too shocked by the development of yet another massive Hurricane heading towards the Gulf Coast.
As if Katrina wasn't bad enough now those very same people who fled New Orleans to take shelter in Texas are now in the path of a Category 5 storm. Katrina was only a cat 4. I can't get over how unbelievably ironic that is. It's as if no matter where these people go the Hurricane is going to find them. And I don't even believe in all that destiny crap. But this is making me wonder that maybe mother nature has it out for these people.
The most alarming thing about all this is that this could become a regular occurence. Global warming may have created a man made phenomeon where the warm waters over the Gulf Coast feed category 4 and 5 hurricanes one after another after another. Which begs the question: Is this a historic series of storms that will never be matched again? Or is the Gulf Coast going to get ravaged every year from now on?
I'm not sure but for some reason I have a burning desire to go watch the Day After Tomorrow. But I can't. I have too much to do. Including packing my bags for an extended road trip. That's right, I'm thinking of going to the Gulf Coast to assist in the recovery process if this is another massive disaster. I just don't think the same people can go through all that again.
Nah who am I kidding. I can't go anywhere. I have to be here to play softball on Sundays.
As if Katrina wasn't bad enough now those very same people who fled New Orleans to take shelter in Texas are now in the path of a Category 5 storm. Katrina was only a cat 4. I can't get over how unbelievably ironic that is. It's as if no matter where these people go the Hurricane is going to find them. And I don't even believe in all that destiny crap. But this is making me wonder that maybe mother nature has it out for these people.
The most alarming thing about all this is that this could become a regular occurence. Global warming may have created a man made phenomeon where the warm waters over the Gulf Coast feed category 4 and 5 hurricanes one after another after another. Which begs the question: Is this a historic series of storms that will never be matched again? Or is the Gulf Coast going to get ravaged every year from now on?
I'm not sure but for some reason I have a burning desire to go watch the Day After Tomorrow. But I can't. I have too much to do. Including packing my bags for an extended road trip. That's right, I'm thinking of going to the Gulf Coast to assist in the recovery process if this is another massive disaster. I just don't think the same people can go through all that again.
Nah who am I kidding. I can't go anywhere. I have to be here to play softball on Sundays.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Lost Is Back!!!!!!!!!!
You know you're obsessed with a show when you refuse to go to a Long Island Ducks game or even to a softball game just to watch it. But then again this isn't any ordinary show. This is the greatest show ever. I know that not all of you watch it, so for those of you who don't here's a brief recap to catch you up on speed and save you $80 on the season one box dvd set:
Basically 48 people survived a plane crash on a mysterious island in the South Pacific.
They're not the only ones on the island as there is also a previously stranded french woman and the 'Others' who nobody has seen.
In addition to that there's a security system that kills anyone who strays too far into the center of the Island and other unexplainable happenings such as the discovery of a hatch that can't be opened from the outside and people seeing dead relatives or hearing voices.
During the season finale several storylines were going on simultaenously. First off, you had four of the survivors trying to sail off on a make shift raft Gilligan's Island style. Meanwhile, the 'Others' sent out a warning that they are coming for 'the boy' who everyone assumes is Claire's baby. Makes sense since Claire was already abducted once by the Others. However, it turned out that they didn't want Claire's baby but rather Michael's boy, Walt, who has psychic powers. Walt was on the raft so the Others intercept him, shoot the Island's resident bad ass Sawyer, and torch the raft. While all that is going on everyone else is trying to open the hatch so that they can hide in it to get away from the Others.
Which brings us to the season premeire and several questions:
What will happen to the raft survivors and will all of them survive?
What will be down the hatch?
What's the deal with the numbers on the hatch?
How will the Locke/Jack feud be settled?
What has happened to Walt?
Who are the Others?
And many more.
I doubt all of those questions will be answered in the first episode if at all during the second season. Such is the way Lost operates. They really make you wait out the big mysteries of the show. But that's also what makes it great.
However, they have left some clues. SPOILER ALERT. READ ON AT YOUR OWN RISK IF YOU'RE A LOST FAN.
Here's what I hear will be revealed this season:
You find out what's down the hatch in the first episode and it has something to do with Jack's father.
Several characters who were killed off come back such as Jack's father, Arzt, and Boone leading us to believe that survival on the Island is all relative as Locke put it.
There will be the discovery of tail end survivors including Michelle Rodriguez.
There will be a love trapezoid between Michelle's character, Jack, Kate, and Sawyer.
The franchise, Samuel L. Jackson will make a guest appearance.
There will be the discovery of a Nigerian drug smuggler.
The survivors will be divided into two camps, those who believe in fate and that everything has been happening for a reason, and those who don't.
I don't know about you but 9 o'clock can't come fast enough. Keep checking back for more Lost coverage every week.
Basically 48 people survived a plane crash on a mysterious island in the South Pacific.
They're not the only ones on the island as there is also a previously stranded french woman and the 'Others' who nobody has seen.
In addition to that there's a security system that kills anyone who strays too far into the center of the Island and other unexplainable happenings such as the discovery of a hatch that can't be opened from the outside and people seeing dead relatives or hearing voices.
During the season finale several storylines were going on simultaenously. First off, you had four of the survivors trying to sail off on a make shift raft Gilligan's Island style. Meanwhile, the 'Others' sent out a warning that they are coming for 'the boy' who everyone assumes is Claire's baby. Makes sense since Claire was already abducted once by the Others. However, it turned out that they didn't want Claire's baby but rather Michael's boy, Walt, who has psychic powers. Walt was on the raft so the Others intercept him, shoot the Island's resident bad ass Sawyer, and torch the raft. While all that is going on everyone else is trying to open the hatch so that they can hide in it to get away from the Others.
Which brings us to the season premeire and several questions:
What will happen to the raft survivors and will all of them survive?
What will be down the hatch?
What's the deal with the numbers on the hatch?
How will the Locke/Jack feud be settled?
What has happened to Walt?
Who are the Others?
And many more.
I doubt all of those questions will be answered in the first episode if at all during the second season. Such is the way Lost operates. They really make you wait out the big mysteries of the show. But that's also what makes it great.
However, they have left some clues. SPOILER ALERT. READ ON AT YOUR OWN RISK IF YOU'RE A LOST FAN.
Here's what I hear will be revealed this season:
You find out what's down the hatch in the first episode and it has something to do with Jack's father.
Several characters who were killed off come back such as Jack's father, Arzt, and Boone leading us to believe that survival on the Island is all relative as Locke put it.
There will be the discovery of tail end survivors including Michelle Rodriguez.
There will be a love trapezoid between Michelle's character, Jack, Kate, and Sawyer.
The franchise, Samuel L. Jackson will make a guest appearance.
There will be the discovery of a Nigerian drug smuggler.
The survivors will be divided into two camps, those who believe in fate and that everything has been happening for a reason, and those who don't.
I don't know about you but 9 o'clock can't come fast enough. Keep checking back for more Lost coverage every week.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Validation!
Almost everything I do is unorthodox and unconventional so whenever anybody agrees with me it's big news. As such, I've been estatic lately because seemingly everybody has been agreeing with me.
First off, in last week's Esquire there was a column called the Indefensible Position in which the writer A.J. Jacobs details why men should watch the Gilmore Girls! Here's the lead from that article:
'I KNOW THAT professing my love for Gilmore Girls is a bit like saying that I just went to a really super scrapbooking workshop. It's just not something straight adult males are supposed to say. I mean, the show has a Carole King theme song, for God's sake. Sally Struthers plays a recurring character. Doesn't matter. I love it, and you should, too.'
Boy is that a load off my back. Then Sunday night at the Emmy's, Lost won for best show! Now that's what I'm talking about. Where were all you Emmy voters last fall when I was raving about it? Way to jump on the bandwagon now that it has surpassed SeaQuest DSV as the greatest sci fi show of all time!
Then as if things couldn't get any better the Washington Redskins score two touchdowns in the final four minutes of last night's game against the Dallas Cowboys pulling off the upset and validating my claim to Brian that the Cowboys were not the smart pick in his survival pool because they were no sure thing over the 'Skins. Wooo!
Now if I can just get someone to agree with me that wearing socks with sandals is fashionable I might be on to something.
First off, in last week's Esquire there was a column called the Indefensible Position in which the writer A.J. Jacobs details why men should watch the Gilmore Girls! Here's the lead from that article:
'I KNOW THAT professing my love for Gilmore Girls is a bit like saying that I just went to a really super scrapbooking workshop. It's just not something straight adult males are supposed to say. I mean, the show has a Carole King theme song, for God's sake. Sally Struthers plays a recurring character. Doesn't matter. I love it, and you should, too.'
Boy is that a load off my back. Then Sunday night at the Emmy's, Lost won for best show! Now that's what I'm talking about. Where were all you Emmy voters last fall when I was raving about it? Way to jump on the bandwagon now that it has surpassed SeaQuest DSV as the greatest sci fi show of all time!
Then as if things couldn't get any better the Washington Redskins score two touchdowns in the final four minutes of last night's game against the Dallas Cowboys pulling off the upset and validating my claim to Brian that the Cowboys were not the smart pick in his survival pool because they were no sure thing over the 'Skins. Wooo!
Now if I can just get someone to agree with me that wearing socks with sandals is fashionable I might be on to something.
Monday, September 19, 2005
Local Dining Guide
Since I've been eating out a lot lately, more so than usual that is due to our kitchen construction, I thought it would be appropriate to rate the local establishments. If you're looking for a review on seafood, ethnic food, or anything that comes with a sauce on it you're out of luck. For everything else....
Best Italian food - Ciao on Long Beach Road in Oceanside. Their chicken marsala is to die for, their bread is always piping hot, and they have a large selection of low carb dishes. The ambiance and service is top notch. The only problem is that the bartender is a mets fan and never has the Yankees game on.
Best pizza - Gigantes in the Kohl's shopping center in Oceanside. Must be something in the water that makes New York pizza the best. Considering that Gigantes is across the street from the Oceanside Dump there really must be something in the water. Nonetheless, it's the best pizza in town and they have the largest dining area of any local establishment so you can always get a seat.
Best deli - Lawson Deli on Lawson Blvd in Oceanside. With 37 people seemingly working behind the counter at one time there's never a wait. Which is good since they are right next to the train station and are dealing with people that are always in a rush. The food's good too but the topper is that they always give you a free pickle or two with your sandwich.
Best chinese food - Hunan Palace in Freeport. I don't even like Chinese food that much but I'm still willing to go all the way into Freeport to hit up the Hunan Palace. I'm not sure why it's so much better than other Chinese food but it just is. Is also the best place to go if you want to eat it there rather than take it out because of their friendly wait staff.
Best chain restaurant - Friday's on Sunrise Highway in Baldwin. But that's only because I know people that work there and they get me free stuff.
Best cafe - J.Paul's Terrace Cafe on Merrick Road in Baldwin. It's actually not that good of an ambiance. The tables are crowded together and the temperatue control is awful. But for the price the food is amazing.
Best bar and grill - You pretty much can go wherever the 10 cent wings are that night. We usually hit up Stingers on Wednesday nights and Churchill's on the weekends. RJ Daniels in RVC is pretty good as well and no Barcia isn't paying me to say that.
Other things to consider:
Best restaurant out of my price range- The cheesecake factory
Best restaurant in my price range - McDonalds
Best outdoor seating - Nautical mile
Establishment that fails to live up to expectations - Roasty's Roast Beef
Best salad - Tie. International Delight Cafe and Katie's house
Best Italian food - Ciao on Long Beach Road in Oceanside. Their chicken marsala is to die for, their bread is always piping hot, and they have a large selection of low carb dishes. The ambiance and service is top notch. The only problem is that the bartender is a mets fan and never has the Yankees game on.
Best pizza - Gigantes in the Kohl's shopping center in Oceanside. Must be something in the water that makes New York pizza the best. Considering that Gigantes is across the street from the Oceanside Dump there really must be something in the water. Nonetheless, it's the best pizza in town and they have the largest dining area of any local establishment so you can always get a seat.
Best deli - Lawson Deli on Lawson Blvd in Oceanside. With 37 people seemingly working behind the counter at one time there's never a wait. Which is good since they are right next to the train station and are dealing with people that are always in a rush. The food's good too but the topper is that they always give you a free pickle or two with your sandwich.
Best chinese food - Hunan Palace in Freeport. I don't even like Chinese food that much but I'm still willing to go all the way into Freeport to hit up the Hunan Palace. I'm not sure why it's so much better than other Chinese food but it just is. Is also the best place to go if you want to eat it there rather than take it out because of their friendly wait staff.
Best chain restaurant - Friday's on Sunrise Highway in Baldwin. But that's only because I know people that work there and they get me free stuff.
Best cafe - J.Paul's Terrace Cafe on Merrick Road in Baldwin. It's actually not that good of an ambiance. The tables are crowded together and the temperatue control is awful. But for the price the food is amazing.
Best bar and grill - You pretty much can go wherever the 10 cent wings are that night. We usually hit up Stingers on Wednesday nights and Churchill's on the weekends. RJ Daniels in RVC is pretty good as well and no Barcia isn't paying me to say that.
Other things to consider:
Best restaurant out of my price range- The cheesecake factory
Best restaurant in my price range - McDonalds
Best outdoor seating - Nautical mile
Establishment that fails to live up to expectations - Roasty's Roast Beef
Best salad - Tie. International Delight Cafe and Katie's house
Random IM Convo
JJ31670: i do know a lot more about football then you do
headcase524: yeah but i'll still beat you
JJ31670: when you look at football you see fantasy numbers
headcase524: yea and when you look at it you see offensive lineman stunting
JJ31670: just face it i know football and you know celebacy
headcase524: yeah but i'll still beat you
JJ31670: when you look at football you see fantasy numbers
headcase524: yea and when you look at it you see offensive lineman stunting
JJ31670: just face it i know football and you know celebacy
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Gamers Win In IMPRESSIVE Fashion
Lynbrook, NY - In a statement game to let the defending champion Cobras know that they have some competition this fall, the Gamers swept the Toasted Heads in impresive fashion that featured a second game rout by the score of 41-0.
The first game was a lot closer as the Gamers held on to win 18-15 in a game they once trailed 7-2 in. They tied the game up with a 5 run fourth inning then took the lead for good with an 11 run fifth. The Toasted Heads fought back with a seven run 7th to send the tying run to the plate but Sp Craig Shames picked up a big strike out, one of four on the day for him, as the Gamers escaped with a big win.
Clearly upset that the first game was so close, shortstop Rob Roll lead off the second game with a solo homerun. That would prove to be the game winning hit as the Gamers went on to score 8 more times in the inning to build a 9-0 lead. It was 15-0 after two innings and 23-0 after three. And that's when the Gamers went to work scoring 18 times in the top of the fourth inning to completely demoralize the Toasted Heads who wound up just calling the game so that they could go home and watch football.
During the 18 run fourth inning the first 19 batters all reached base safely as the Gamers batted around twice in the innning. All the offense added up to 41 runs, 12 of which were driven in by 1b Ian Ziegler as four of his five hits were three run homeruns.
Also going deep on the day were Rob Roll (twice), Billy Bezouska, John Schultz, Greg Roll (twice), Rob Rathbun, and Anthony Vega. Rathbun's homerun might be the most ridicilious of all time though as he blooped a hit into the right field corner on a check swing. Bezouska also warrants consideration for stealing home when he realized that time hadn't been called yet on his triple as does Schultz who basically just kept running on a double.
Other players who blew up in the second game were Scott Goldsmith (4 hits and a walk with 4 runs), Scott Zimmerman (4 hits, 4 runs), and Dave Roll (4 hits, 4 runs). All in all, Shames scored one run, Rob Roll two, and everyone else at least three as the team clicked on all cyclinders during the rout.
Defensively, Shames had a one hit shutout thanks to a Dave Roll to Rob Roll to Billy Bezouska relay throw that gunned down a runner at homeplate. That was the closest the Toasted Heads would get to scoring the rest of the day as the Gamers put the finishing touches on the most impressive win in their franchise history.
Amazingly the blowout didn't even push the Gamers into first place as the Cobras also won in two big blowouts and hold onto their first place positioning with a higher plus/minus. Something will give next week though when the two power houses collide at Eisenhower Park.
The first game was a lot closer as the Gamers held on to win 18-15 in a game they once trailed 7-2 in. They tied the game up with a 5 run fourth inning then took the lead for good with an 11 run fifth. The Toasted Heads fought back with a seven run 7th to send the tying run to the plate but Sp Craig Shames picked up a big strike out, one of four on the day for him, as the Gamers escaped with a big win.
Clearly upset that the first game was so close, shortstop Rob Roll lead off the second game with a solo homerun. That would prove to be the game winning hit as the Gamers went on to score 8 more times in the inning to build a 9-0 lead. It was 15-0 after two innings and 23-0 after three. And that's when the Gamers went to work scoring 18 times in the top of the fourth inning to completely demoralize the Toasted Heads who wound up just calling the game so that they could go home and watch football.
During the 18 run fourth inning the first 19 batters all reached base safely as the Gamers batted around twice in the innning. All the offense added up to 41 runs, 12 of which were driven in by 1b Ian Ziegler as four of his five hits were three run homeruns.
Also going deep on the day were Rob Roll (twice), Billy Bezouska, John Schultz, Greg Roll (twice), Rob Rathbun, and Anthony Vega. Rathbun's homerun might be the most ridicilious of all time though as he blooped a hit into the right field corner on a check swing. Bezouska also warrants consideration for stealing home when he realized that time hadn't been called yet on his triple as does Schultz who basically just kept running on a double.
Other players who blew up in the second game were Scott Goldsmith (4 hits and a walk with 4 runs), Scott Zimmerman (4 hits, 4 runs), and Dave Roll (4 hits, 4 runs). All in all, Shames scored one run, Rob Roll two, and everyone else at least three as the team clicked on all cyclinders during the rout.
Defensively, Shames had a one hit shutout thanks to a Dave Roll to Rob Roll to Billy Bezouska relay throw that gunned down a runner at homeplate. That was the closest the Toasted Heads would get to scoring the rest of the day as the Gamers put the finishing touches on the most impressive win in their franchise history.
Amazingly the blowout didn't even push the Gamers into first place as the Cobras also won in two big blowouts and hold onto their first place positioning with a higher plus/minus. Something will give next week though when the two power houses collide at Eisenhower Park.
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Week in Review
Random thoughts from the last week:
I still don't get why no one has showed any interest in me on Jdate. It's usually after they meet me that they lose interest. But they're supposed to have it originally based on my looks and what I said in my profile.
They say that the hardest thing to do in all of sports is to hit a baseball. Conversely the hardest thing to do in all of fandom is to watch a baseball game thats on a mini tv at the bar on the other side of the restaurant from where you're sitting during dinner with your relatives.
What's the deal with restaurants that serve family style? If I wanted to eat the same thing that everyone else was eating I would have stayed home, made chicken cutlets and angel hair pasta, and saved $300 in the process.
Why does the beach shut down after Labor Day? Shouldn't it shut down once it starts to get too cold to go to the beach?
I heard that the Price is Right got in trouble for airing a rerun with a showcase showdown prize giveaway that was a trip to New Orleans. Well the other day I saw a similar prize on America's Funniest Home Videos but nobody said anything about that. Then I realized that's because nobody watches that show.
I finally think that I can admit that I've gone overboard with fantasy sports. Sure having 20 teams in a given sport is fun and even manageable. But with the overlap going on right now between the end of baseball and the start of football it's getting impossible to check 40 + teams.
Brian Berkowicz had the line of the week when talking about my chances of getting emailed back on jdate he said, "telemarketers actually have better odds than me."
Is it me or have the temperatures in the frozen food aisles at grocery stores gotten ridiciliously cold? I know you have to keep the stuff refrigerated but the other day I saw a penguin waddling town aisle 9. Somehow I don't think it's supposed to be that cold.
My favorite thing to do is watch when two people converge on the same spot coming from opposite directions. They're both trying to get out of the way of each other and just wind up continuously blocking each other. It's great.
If you knew someone who had a unabrow would you be friends with them or would it just be too difficult?
Where exactly is West Bumblefuck?
Why does construction have to start at the ass crack of dawn? What's wrong with starting once everyone is awake?
I'm such a typical American. Tuesday were my local town elections but rather than vote I went to the mall.
I still don't get why no one has showed any interest in me on Jdate. It's usually after they meet me that they lose interest. But they're supposed to have it originally based on my looks and what I said in my profile.
They say that the hardest thing to do in all of sports is to hit a baseball. Conversely the hardest thing to do in all of fandom is to watch a baseball game thats on a mini tv at the bar on the other side of the restaurant from where you're sitting during dinner with your relatives.
What's the deal with restaurants that serve family style? If I wanted to eat the same thing that everyone else was eating I would have stayed home, made chicken cutlets and angel hair pasta, and saved $300 in the process.
Why does the beach shut down after Labor Day? Shouldn't it shut down once it starts to get too cold to go to the beach?
I heard that the Price is Right got in trouble for airing a rerun with a showcase showdown prize giveaway that was a trip to New Orleans. Well the other day I saw a similar prize on America's Funniest Home Videos but nobody said anything about that. Then I realized that's because nobody watches that show.
I finally think that I can admit that I've gone overboard with fantasy sports. Sure having 20 teams in a given sport is fun and even manageable. But with the overlap going on right now between the end of baseball and the start of football it's getting impossible to check 40 + teams.
Brian Berkowicz had the line of the week when talking about my chances of getting emailed back on jdate he said, "telemarketers actually have better odds than me."
Is it me or have the temperatures in the frozen food aisles at grocery stores gotten ridiciliously cold? I know you have to keep the stuff refrigerated but the other day I saw a penguin waddling town aisle 9. Somehow I don't think it's supposed to be that cold.
My favorite thing to do is watch when two people converge on the same spot coming from opposite directions. They're both trying to get out of the way of each other and just wind up continuously blocking each other. It's great.
If you knew someone who had a unabrow would you be friends with them or would it just be too difficult?
Where exactly is West Bumblefuck?
Why does construction have to start at the ass crack of dawn? What's wrong with starting once everyone is awake?
I'm such a typical American. Tuesday were my local town elections but rather than vote I went to the mall.
Friday, September 16, 2005
Football Picks: Week 2
Well I didn't get off to quite the start that I wanted to last week losing four head to head matchups with Brian in our two man league and getting bounced from an elimination pool. But they say that the first week is always the toughest to predict because not everyone is in shape yet or playing at their peak levels. Hopefully, the second week will play out truer to form. Here's what the Shames-o-Matic Prediction Meter came up with for week 2 in the NFL:
Ravens over the Titans - The Ravens defense looked great against the Colts in week one, until Peyton Manning came on strong in the second half just like I predicted. The only problem in picking the Ravens from here on out is that their offense is god awful. Hopefully with Anthony Wright replacing Kyle Boller at QB they can finally get something going. Either way the Titans aren't the same team that almost won the Super Bowl a few years ago. They'll be lucky to win four games this year. Ravens all the way.
Buffalo over Tampa Bay - The bucs looked surprisingly good in beating the Vikings last week but I can't see them playing that well two weeks in a row. It's more likely that the Vikes were just unprepared for them. Buffalo won't be. I saw them earlier this week on Outside the Lines on ESPN talking about how their coaches put in 20 hour work days. They're probably the most prepared coaching staff in the league and they'll have upstart Buffalo ready to go.
Detroit over Chicago - Chicago might have a chance if this game was being played in December but without the weather being a factor expect the Lions offense to tear it up again especially the passing combo of QB Joey Harrington and WR Roy Williams. Lions in a blow out.
Colts over Jacksonville - Jacksonville's got a nice young team and could win 7-9 games this year. But the Colts are thinking nothing but Super Bowl and after nearly shutting out the Ravens is their defense catching up to their offense?
Minnesota over Cincinnati - We'll call this rebound week. Anybody who sucked in week one bounces back and wins in week 2. Cincinnatti's got a good team but I gotta believe that Daunte Culpepper carries Minnesota to the win here.
New England over Carolina - Carolina's got a solid team but if they couldn't even beat the Saints they probably can't beat the unbeatable Patriots. Close game decided by either an Adam Vinateiri field goal or a missed one by John Kasay.
Saints over the Giants - The Giants looked good in week one but after the Saints upset the Panthers I think it's safe to say that you can't beat against the Saints this year. Saints all the way.
Pittsburgh over Houston - This game is the upset special of the week. Houston could very easily win but Pittsburgh's defense is just too good and I don't see an inconsistent David Carr putting it all together this week.
Phladelphia over San Fran - It's tempting to take San Fran bc of the possibility that the Eagles will be without Donovan McNabb but even still the Eagles are mad about losing to the Falcons and will take it out on the 49ers. Expect a huge blowout.
Atlanta over Seattle - I liked Atlanta's swagger in beating the Eagles. That could be your NFC championship game preview right there. Until then expect the Falcons to rattle over 12 or 13 wins starting with win #2 against the underacheiving Seahawks.
Arizona over St. Louis- Remember how I said this would be rebound week? It still is but the Rams don't get an invitation. The Cardinals looked impressive against the Giants, even in losing in a blow out, so I'll take my chances with their young defense stopping the Rams offense.
Cleveland over Green Bay - I might be the only person in the world picking Cleveland here but I'm more picking against the Packers than I am picking the Browns. Basically the Packers without WR Javon Walker and with a banged up QB in Brett Farve don't stand a chance this year. The Browns could get one of their 3 wins right here.
Jets over Miami - The Jets looked awful against KC and the Dolphins like world beaters against the Broncos. So take Miami right? Wrong. Take a hungry Jets team to pull it out behind their defense and the running game of Curtis Martin.
San Diego over Denver - The Chargers get TE Antonio Gates back and the Broncos fall to 0-2 in what could be head coach Mike Shanahan's final year in Denver.
Chiefs over the Raiders - The Raiders looked impressive against the Patriots but the Chiefs looked like their old selfs against the Jets. If Larry Johnson plays the Chiefs win. If he doesn't they lose. Bet on him playing and tearing it up.
Washington over Dallas - That's right I said Washington over Dallas in Dallas. Mark Brunell gets the start for the skins and could shock the world. Plus Dallas is overrated after beating a Chargers team without Gates. Expect the upset in an ugly field goal kicking contest that probably doesn't see a single touchdown scored by either team.
Ravens over the Titans - The Ravens defense looked great against the Colts in week one, until Peyton Manning came on strong in the second half just like I predicted. The only problem in picking the Ravens from here on out is that their offense is god awful. Hopefully with Anthony Wright replacing Kyle Boller at QB they can finally get something going. Either way the Titans aren't the same team that almost won the Super Bowl a few years ago. They'll be lucky to win four games this year. Ravens all the way.
Buffalo over Tampa Bay - The bucs looked surprisingly good in beating the Vikings last week but I can't see them playing that well two weeks in a row. It's more likely that the Vikes were just unprepared for them. Buffalo won't be. I saw them earlier this week on Outside the Lines on ESPN talking about how their coaches put in 20 hour work days. They're probably the most prepared coaching staff in the league and they'll have upstart Buffalo ready to go.
Detroit over Chicago - Chicago might have a chance if this game was being played in December but without the weather being a factor expect the Lions offense to tear it up again especially the passing combo of QB Joey Harrington and WR Roy Williams. Lions in a blow out.
Colts over Jacksonville - Jacksonville's got a nice young team and could win 7-9 games this year. But the Colts are thinking nothing but Super Bowl and after nearly shutting out the Ravens is their defense catching up to their offense?
Minnesota over Cincinnati - We'll call this rebound week. Anybody who sucked in week one bounces back and wins in week 2. Cincinnatti's got a good team but I gotta believe that Daunte Culpepper carries Minnesota to the win here.
New England over Carolina - Carolina's got a solid team but if they couldn't even beat the Saints they probably can't beat the unbeatable Patriots. Close game decided by either an Adam Vinateiri field goal or a missed one by John Kasay.
Saints over the Giants - The Giants looked good in week one but after the Saints upset the Panthers I think it's safe to say that you can't beat against the Saints this year. Saints all the way.
Pittsburgh over Houston - This game is the upset special of the week. Houston could very easily win but Pittsburgh's defense is just too good and I don't see an inconsistent David Carr putting it all together this week.
Phladelphia over San Fran - It's tempting to take San Fran bc of the possibility that the Eagles will be without Donovan McNabb but even still the Eagles are mad about losing to the Falcons and will take it out on the 49ers. Expect a huge blowout.
Atlanta over Seattle - I liked Atlanta's swagger in beating the Eagles. That could be your NFC championship game preview right there. Until then expect the Falcons to rattle over 12 or 13 wins starting with win #2 against the underacheiving Seahawks.
Arizona over St. Louis- Remember how I said this would be rebound week? It still is but the Rams don't get an invitation. The Cardinals looked impressive against the Giants, even in losing in a blow out, so I'll take my chances with their young defense stopping the Rams offense.
Cleveland over Green Bay - I might be the only person in the world picking Cleveland here but I'm more picking against the Packers than I am picking the Browns. Basically the Packers without WR Javon Walker and with a banged up QB in Brett Farve don't stand a chance this year. The Browns could get one of their 3 wins right here.
Jets over Miami - The Jets looked awful against KC and the Dolphins like world beaters against the Broncos. So take Miami right? Wrong. Take a hungry Jets team to pull it out behind their defense and the running game of Curtis Martin.
San Diego over Denver - The Chargers get TE Antonio Gates back and the Broncos fall to 0-2 in what could be head coach Mike Shanahan's final year in Denver.
Chiefs over the Raiders - The Raiders looked impressive against the Patriots but the Chiefs looked like their old selfs against the Jets. If Larry Johnson plays the Chiefs win. If he doesn't they lose. Bet on him playing and tearing it up.
Washington over Dallas - That's right I said Washington over Dallas in Dallas. Mark Brunell gets the start for the skins and could shock the world. Plus Dallas is overrated after beating a Chargers team without Gates. Expect the upset in an ugly field goal kicking contest that probably doesn't see a single touchdown scored by either team.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Rob Roll's Official Guide To Being A Better Baller
Here's something I wrote for the softball blog:
For some, softball is just something they do on the weekends to take their minds off the daily grind of their lives. For others, it's a chance to relive their baseball glory days from high school and college. But for a select few, affectionately known around the league as 'ballers', softball isn't just something to do or look forward to. For them it's a way of life.
These are people like Gamers shortstop Rob Roll, who take their game to the next level, creating a larger than life persona that goes beyond anything they do on the softball diamond. Sure they put up impressive numbers and lead their team to victory. But what makes them a baller is that they do it in style.
Becoming a true baller is something that can not be taught. You're either born with it or you're not. But that doesn't mean that there's no hope for the rest of us. There are still things that we can learn. Still lifestyle changes that could be made.
So, to get you started on your way, Roll sits down with All Access and take us through his Official Guide To Being a Better Baller. Read on at your own risk. Posers like Dave Kheel need not apply.
Step One: Dress the part
Being a baller is all about looking less like a softball player and more like an entra in the next Jay Z Video. After all, anybody can play softball. But not everybody can do it while wearing shorts that are so baggy that they require you to use one hand to hold them up when moving more than three feet. Wrist bands, head bands, do rags, and sideways baseball hats are also strongly recommended in order to look the part. Old uniform jersesys from travel baseball teams a plus because they show your oppoonent that you got mad skillz. Earn bonus points for playing with shiny jewelry that could blind the opposing batter and make him pop up with men on base during a big spot in the game.
Step Two: Represent at all times
There's no point to being a baller if nobody knows that you are one. You gotta represent yourself and your team regardless of whether you're on the softball field or in some sketchy bar in Freeport with your crew. Wear throwback basketball jersies and headbands in public as much as possible even at weddings, funerals, and job interviews. Get your team name or uniform number tattoed onto your shoulder if you feel like you need to step it up a notch.
Step Three: Talk the part
Always be sure to talk like a baller by starting or ending every sentence with the word yo. Other words and expressions to add to your vocabulary: drop it like it's hot, fo shizzle, that's mad funny, and that's dope. Also don't forget to address people as kid, playa, or son and try to give out as many ridicilious nicknames as possible. While on the field talk as much trash as possible even after weakly popping up to the pitcher three straight times, letting your opponent know that you did that on purpose so that they will move in closer later in the game allowing you to then hit it over their heads at the opportune time.
Step Four: Ride in style
In the pros the best ballers have the biggest contracts. In the world of softball, status is measured by how fly your ride is. You would lose all credibility as a baller if a lesser player on your team had a doper ride. Under no circumstances can you let that happen. If you find yourself in quick need of pimping your ride you can't go wrong with having flat screen tvs. The more the merrier. One rule of thumb to follow is to have one flat screen tv for every 3 homeruns you plan on hitting during the year. Once your car is pimped out it's time to show it off. During the fall season Roll recommends driving it directly onto the field so that while everyone else is using their cell phones to try and find out the latest score of the Jets-Dolphins game you're actually watching the game off of the flat screen in your trunk.
Step Five: Act the Part
Finally, Roll suggests that the key to being a world class baller is making everyone believe that you are one. This means that at all times you must act like a baller even if doing so is completely unnecessary. The best example of this is paying your $85 entry fee with 5 one hundred dollar bills and then asking for change back. You also can't get more than two hours of sleep the night before a game and if anybody asks you where you got your sun flower seeds from you have to answer, "from my guy in Queens'. Roll also suggests arriving fashionably late, roughly three minutes before the first pitch, giving you just enough time to put your cleats on and finish your hero from Deli Boy. During the game it's highly recommended that you carry on a conversation with the person standing next to you. Bonus points if the person is all the way on the other side of the field.
Where there you have it. Rob Roll's Official Guide To Being a Better Baller. Rob says that if you follow those five easy steps you'll be on your way to becoming a better baller. But it may not work for everyone. You actually have to have the skillz to be able to pull it off.
Coming next week: Brian Malfettone's Guide To Coming Up With Excuses For Missing Softball Games.
For some, softball is just something they do on the weekends to take their minds off the daily grind of their lives. For others, it's a chance to relive their baseball glory days from high school and college. But for a select few, affectionately known around the league as 'ballers', softball isn't just something to do or look forward to. For them it's a way of life.
These are people like Gamers shortstop Rob Roll, who take their game to the next level, creating a larger than life persona that goes beyond anything they do on the softball diamond. Sure they put up impressive numbers and lead their team to victory. But what makes them a baller is that they do it in style.
Becoming a true baller is something that can not be taught. You're either born with it or you're not. But that doesn't mean that there's no hope for the rest of us. There are still things that we can learn. Still lifestyle changes that could be made.
So, to get you started on your way, Roll sits down with All Access and take us through his Official Guide To Being a Better Baller. Read on at your own risk. Posers like Dave Kheel need not apply.
Step One: Dress the part
Being a baller is all about looking less like a softball player and more like an entra in the next Jay Z Video. After all, anybody can play softball. But not everybody can do it while wearing shorts that are so baggy that they require you to use one hand to hold them up when moving more than three feet. Wrist bands, head bands, do rags, and sideways baseball hats are also strongly recommended in order to look the part. Old uniform jersesys from travel baseball teams a plus because they show your oppoonent that you got mad skillz. Earn bonus points for playing with shiny jewelry that could blind the opposing batter and make him pop up with men on base during a big spot in the game.
Step Two: Represent at all times
There's no point to being a baller if nobody knows that you are one. You gotta represent yourself and your team regardless of whether you're on the softball field or in some sketchy bar in Freeport with your crew. Wear throwback basketball jersies and headbands in public as much as possible even at weddings, funerals, and job interviews. Get your team name or uniform number tattoed onto your shoulder if you feel like you need to step it up a notch.
Step Three: Talk the part
Always be sure to talk like a baller by starting or ending every sentence with the word yo. Other words and expressions to add to your vocabulary: drop it like it's hot, fo shizzle, that's mad funny, and that's dope. Also don't forget to address people as kid, playa, or son and try to give out as many ridicilious nicknames as possible. While on the field talk as much trash as possible even after weakly popping up to the pitcher three straight times, letting your opponent know that you did that on purpose so that they will move in closer later in the game allowing you to then hit it over their heads at the opportune time.
Step Four: Ride in style
In the pros the best ballers have the biggest contracts. In the world of softball, status is measured by how fly your ride is. You would lose all credibility as a baller if a lesser player on your team had a doper ride. Under no circumstances can you let that happen. If you find yourself in quick need of pimping your ride you can't go wrong with having flat screen tvs. The more the merrier. One rule of thumb to follow is to have one flat screen tv for every 3 homeruns you plan on hitting during the year. Once your car is pimped out it's time to show it off. During the fall season Roll recommends driving it directly onto the field so that while everyone else is using their cell phones to try and find out the latest score of the Jets-Dolphins game you're actually watching the game off of the flat screen in your trunk.
Step Five: Act the Part
Finally, Roll suggests that the key to being a world class baller is making everyone believe that you are one. This means that at all times you must act like a baller even if doing so is completely unnecessary. The best example of this is paying your $85 entry fee with 5 one hundred dollar bills and then asking for change back. You also can't get more than two hours of sleep the night before a game and if anybody asks you where you got your sun flower seeds from you have to answer, "from my guy in Queens'. Roll also suggests arriving fashionably late, roughly three minutes before the first pitch, giving you just enough time to put your cleats on and finish your hero from Deli Boy. During the game it's highly recommended that you carry on a conversation with the person standing next to you. Bonus points if the person is all the way on the other side of the field.
Where there you have it. Rob Roll's Official Guide To Being a Better Baller. Rob says that if you follow those five easy steps you'll be on your way to becoming a better baller. But it may not work for everyone. You actually have to have the skillz to be able to pull it off.
Coming next week: Brian Malfettone's Guide To Coming Up With Excuses For Missing Softball Games.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Fall TV Preview
When you're unemployed like me you find yourself watching a lot of t.v. Normally that would be the Yankees game but with as poorly as they've been playing this year they're usually getting blown out by the fourth inning and I'm free to watch something else. The question that remains is what is it that I'll be watching. And the answer varies from day to day. Here's a look at what I'll be watching this coming fall and what you should too:
Mondays - It doesn't even matter what sitcoms or dramas are coming out on the major networks because the words Fall and Monday can only mean one thing: Monday Night Football. I also hear some show named 24 is pretty good.
Tuesday - This used to be WB night with double barrell action of the Gilmore Girls and One Tree Hill. (Which may I add I watch for Alexis Bledel and Sophia Bush and not because I still wish I was back in high school like Billy would have you believe). Anyway OTH moves to Wednesdays and now there's a big void at 9 pm. Supernatural looks intriguing but will probably bomb. After that you're guess is as good as mine until the Real World comes on at 10 on MTV.
Wednesday - By far the best night on television. One Tree Hill is going to be tempting but there's no way I can turn away from ABC. Their new show 'Invasion' looks really good and my favorite show of all time, Lost, follows that. This is clearly must see tv.
Thursday - If you're name is Whitney you're watching American's Next Top Model. If you're anybody else you're probably watching some crappy sitcoms on NBC. 'My Name Is Earl' looks promosing but I'm not in a rush to see it. Heck I'm not even sure if it's airing on Thursdays. I'm just using this space to talk about it because I have no clue what else is on other than Will and Grace which I'm afraid to watch because I'm not that comfortable with my sexuality. Where's Seinfeld when you need it?
Friday - Am I too old to admit I still like to watch TGIF on ABC? If I am who cares. It's either that or one of the seven CSI or Law and Order versions. Seriously how many shows repackaged in different ways can you possibly have? Soon they're going to need a crime scene investigation team to investigate what happened to their ratings. Too much of a good thing is a bad thing.
Saturday - The networks assume everyone's out trying to get laid so they never put anything good on Saturday nights. You usually have to wait until 11:30 rolls around so you can watch SNL and make fun of how bad it is.
Sunday - The second best night on t.v. after Wednesday. Entourage is in repeats but MTV's Sunday Night Stew is always entertaining with shows like Viva La Bam and Pimp My Ride. Fox has animation domination with shows like Family Guy and the Simpsons. Meanwhile, girls, guys whipped by their girlfriends, and me will probably also check out Desperate Housewives.
Mondays - It doesn't even matter what sitcoms or dramas are coming out on the major networks because the words Fall and Monday can only mean one thing: Monday Night Football. I also hear some show named 24 is pretty good.
Tuesday - This used to be WB night with double barrell action of the Gilmore Girls and One Tree Hill. (Which may I add I watch for Alexis Bledel and Sophia Bush and not because I still wish I was back in high school like Billy would have you believe). Anyway OTH moves to Wednesdays and now there's a big void at 9 pm. Supernatural looks intriguing but will probably bomb. After that you're guess is as good as mine until the Real World comes on at 10 on MTV.
Wednesday - By far the best night on television. One Tree Hill is going to be tempting but there's no way I can turn away from ABC. Their new show 'Invasion' looks really good and my favorite show of all time, Lost, follows that. This is clearly must see tv.
Thursday - If you're name is Whitney you're watching American's Next Top Model. If you're anybody else you're probably watching some crappy sitcoms on NBC. 'My Name Is Earl' looks promosing but I'm not in a rush to see it. Heck I'm not even sure if it's airing on Thursdays. I'm just using this space to talk about it because I have no clue what else is on other than Will and Grace which I'm afraid to watch because I'm not that comfortable with my sexuality. Where's Seinfeld when you need it?
Friday - Am I too old to admit I still like to watch TGIF on ABC? If I am who cares. It's either that or one of the seven CSI or Law and Order versions. Seriously how many shows repackaged in different ways can you possibly have? Soon they're going to need a crime scene investigation team to investigate what happened to their ratings. Too much of a good thing is a bad thing.
Saturday - The networks assume everyone's out trying to get laid so they never put anything good on Saturday nights. You usually have to wait until 11:30 rolls around so you can watch SNL and make fun of how bad it is.
Sunday - The second best night on t.v. after Wednesday. Entourage is in repeats but MTV's Sunday Night Stew is always entertaining with shows like Viva La Bam and Pimp My Ride. Fox has animation domination with shows like Family Guy and the Simpsons. Meanwhile, girls, guys whipped by their girlfriends, and me will probably also check out Desperate Housewives.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Fall To Do List
Here's a list of things I want to do over the fall i.e. things I never did over the summer.
1. Get a job.
2. Get a girlfriend.
3. Take a trip to Atlantic City with Salvo.
4. Go wine tasting on eastern long island.
5. Go to the gym more than once a week.
6. Shave my chest and back hair.
7. Give stand up comedy another try.
8. Lasix eye surgery.
9. Actually dress up as something for Halloween.
10. Finally win a softball championship.
11. Win all 18 fantasy football leagues I'm in.
12. Go to the ticker tape parade when the Yankees win the World Series.
13. Get on the Giants or Jets season ticket lists.
14. Go pumpkin patch picking.
15. Rake leaves into a big pile and then jump into it.
16. Sue the makers of the '40 Year Old Virgin' for royalties.
17. Become a huge movie star after I get cast for Beauty and the Geek.
18. Cure my addictions to licorice and Natalie Portman.
1. Get a job.
2. Get a girlfriend.
3. Take a trip to Atlantic City with Salvo.
4. Go wine tasting on eastern long island.
5. Go to the gym more than once a week.
6. Shave my chest and back hair.
7. Give stand up comedy another try.
8. Lasix eye surgery.
9. Actually dress up as something for Halloween.
10. Finally win a softball championship.
11. Win all 18 fantasy football leagues I'm in.
12. Go to the ticker tape parade when the Yankees win the World Series.
13. Get on the Giants or Jets season ticket lists.
14. Go pumpkin patch picking.
15. Rake leaves into a big pile and then jump into it.
16. Sue the makers of the '40 Year Old Virgin' for royalties.
17. Become a huge movie star after I get cast for Beauty and the Geek.
18. Cure my addictions to licorice and Natalie Portman.
Monday, September 12, 2005
Monday Morning Quarterback
Well I guess I don't know as much about football as I thought I did. Here's a look at how I've already messed up my predictions after just one week!
1. The San Francisco 49ers upset the St. Louis Rams. Not only are the 49ers not going to be 0-16 like I said but I also bet against them in a survival pool and have since been eliminated.
2. Doesn't look like the Minnesota Vikings are Super Bowl bound after losing to lowly Tampa Bay in the first week. Grrrhhhh.
3. Texans QB David Carr, my top pick for breakout player of the year had 3 ints and 0 tds. Oopsy.
4. I also incorrectly picked the outcomes of nine games. That's not very good. My record after week one heading into the monday night fooball game is a resounding 6-9.
But looking at the bright side:
1. The Saints knocked off Sports Illustrated's pick to win the Super Bowl, the Carolina Panthers. Woo hoo. Go Saints! Now if I had only listened to myself and picked them to win.......
1. The San Francisco 49ers upset the St. Louis Rams. Not only are the 49ers not going to be 0-16 like I said but I also bet against them in a survival pool and have since been eliminated.
2. Doesn't look like the Minnesota Vikings are Super Bowl bound after losing to lowly Tampa Bay in the first week. Grrrhhhh.
3. Texans QB David Carr, my top pick for breakout player of the year had 3 ints and 0 tds. Oopsy.
4. I also incorrectly picked the outcomes of nine games. That's not very good. My record after week one heading into the monday night fooball game is a resounding 6-9.
But looking at the bright side:
1. The Saints knocked off Sports Illustrated's pick to win the Super Bowl, the Carolina Panthers. Woo hoo. Go Saints! Now if I had only listened to myself and picked them to win.......
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Gamers Kick Off Fall Season With Two Wins
Lynbrook, NY - Despite playing without five regulars and at a field that ABA should really consider banning from use, the shorthanded Gamers still found a way to start off their fall season 2-0. It wasn't pretty but they grinded out two victories over the Game Face in typical Gamers fashion, 9-8 and 25-20.
In the first game the Gamers jumped out to an early 6-1 lead but then coughed up 6 runs over the final two innings to allow the Game Face to tie it up at 8. The damage could have been a lot worse but Sp Craig "Maddux" Shames struck out their #5 hitter out with the bases loaded and one out in the top of the sixth to stop their rally cold. The strikeout was one of five in the game for Shames who probably had the best control he's ever had.
He then continued his early season claim to 2b Rob Rathbun's MVP throne by coming through in the bottom of the seventh inning with the game winning single that scored Of Ian "Book Nazi" Zeigler. Zeigler was pinch running for 1b Zac "chin model" Nicholson who reached on a fielder's choice, one of six times he was on base on the day.
The first game also featured homeruns from Zeigler and SS Rob "hot hand in the dice game" Roll as well as three hits a piece for random peep fill in John Schultz and 3b Anthony "oops I drove too far" Vega and two a piece for Of Dave "Deli Boy" Roll and C Peter Hon "Solo".
Speaking of Hon he amazingly made to the game in the third inning despite only be called to play ten minutes before the start of the game. After arriving Hon said, "I was getting ready to watch the Jets game when my beeper went off. I thought I was gonna have to go into the hospital on my day off but then I realized that it was my Gamer's beeper and not the one from the hospital. So I took a shit and drove as fast as I could to the field."
Others though think that Hon's story is unlikely and that he was really hanging out at Green Acres Mall in case he got called upon. Either way it's a good thing that Hon came because he gave the Gamers 10 players and allowed them to better set their outfield defense.
In the second game it didn't really matter how the Game Face set their outfield defense because seemingly everything the Gamers hit fell in as they scored 25 runs, averaging 5 runs an inning. They also banged out four more homeruns as Roll hit two to take the team lead with 3 and Rathbun and Vega added one a piece. Vega should have had 3 more but they all hooked foul including one well over 300 feet that hit lynbrook high school.
Roll, Rathbun, Vega, and Zeigler are now in a four horse race for both the team HR lead and MVP honors with Roll off to the early lead in both races.
Speaking of awards Vega staked an early claim for funniest on field moment after tripping over third base while back pedaling to get a cut off throw. Rathbun has the early lead in most ridicilious home run getting his on a single that skipped past the center fielder. And Peter Hon had one of the funniest lines saying, "I know it's a homerun but I don't want this asshole to pass me" as he sprinted around the bases in front of Roll. Hon might receive some competition though from Zeigler who shouted out, "check the score of the Gamers and Gameface" as everyone was using their cell phones in between innings to get NFL scores.
All in all, the Gamers get off to a great start with two big wins. Their new lineup, created on a suggestion by Dave Roll, spread out their power hitters and worked to perfection as everyone on the team had at least four hits leading to five innings where they scored at least five runs. The lineup featured Rob Roll (3 homeruns, 7 rbis) hitting leadoff and manager Billy Bezouska (five hits) hitting cleanup and definitely will be used again.
Speaking of Dave Roll he was probably the defensive player of the game recording somewhere between 15 and 25 putouts. 2b Rob Rathbun also made a sick play in the first game, diving and landing on second base for what should have been an out, but the umpire blew the call.
Next week the Gamers hope to be at full strength when they continue their drive to the post season against the 0-2 Toasted Heads who lost twice to the defending champion Cobras.
In the first game the Gamers jumped out to an early 6-1 lead but then coughed up 6 runs over the final two innings to allow the Game Face to tie it up at 8. The damage could have been a lot worse but Sp Craig "Maddux" Shames struck out their #5 hitter out with the bases loaded and one out in the top of the sixth to stop their rally cold. The strikeout was one of five in the game for Shames who probably had the best control he's ever had.
He then continued his early season claim to 2b Rob Rathbun's MVP throne by coming through in the bottom of the seventh inning with the game winning single that scored Of Ian "Book Nazi" Zeigler. Zeigler was pinch running for 1b Zac "chin model" Nicholson who reached on a fielder's choice, one of six times he was on base on the day.
The first game also featured homeruns from Zeigler and SS Rob "hot hand in the dice game" Roll as well as three hits a piece for random peep fill in John Schultz and 3b Anthony "oops I drove too far" Vega and two a piece for Of Dave "Deli Boy" Roll and C Peter Hon "Solo".
Speaking of Hon he amazingly made to the game in the third inning despite only be called to play ten minutes before the start of the game. After arriving Hon said, "I was getting ready to watch the Jets game when my beeper went off. I thought I was gonna have to go into the hospital on my day off but then I realized that it was my Gamer's beeper and not the one from the hospital. So I took a shit and drove as fast as I could to the field."
Others though think that Hon's story is unlikely and that he was really hanging out at Green Acres Mall in case he got called upon. Either way it's a good thing that Hon came because he gave the Gamers 10 players and allowed them to better set their outfield defense.
In the second game it didn't really matter how the Game Face set their outfield defense because seemingly everything the Gamers hit fell in as they scored 25 runs, averaging 5 runs an inning. They also banged out four more homeruns as Roll hit two to take the team lead with 3 and Rathbun and Vega added one a piece. Vega should have had 3 more but they all hooked foul including one well over 300 feet that hit lynbrook high school.
Roll, Rathbun, Vega, and Zeigler are now in a four horse race for both the team HR lead and MVP honors with Roll off to the early lead in both races.
Speaking of awards Vega staked an early claim for funniest on field moment after tripping over third base while back pedaling to get a cut off throw. Rathbun has the early lead in most ridicilious home run getting his on a single that skipped past the center fielder. And Peter Hon had one of the funniest lines saying, "I know it's a homerun but I don't want this asshole to pass me" as he sprinted around the bases in front of Roll. Hon might receive some competition though from Zeigler who shouted out, "check the score of the Gamers and Gameface" as everyone was using their cell phones in between innings to get NFL scores.
All in all, the Gamers get off to a great start with two big wins. Their new lineup, created on a suggestion by Dave Roll, spread out their power hitters and worked to perfection as everyone on the team had at least four hits leading to five innings where they scored at least five runs. The lineup featured Rob Roll (3 homeruns, 7 rbis) hitting leadoff and manager Billy Bezouska (five hits) hitting cleanup and definitely will be used again.
Speaking of Dave Roll he was probably the defensive player of the game recording somewhere between 15 and 25 putouts. 2b Rob Rathbun also made a sick play in the first game, diving and landing on second base for what should have been an out, but the umpire blew the call.
Next week the Gamers hope to be at full strength when they continue their drive to the post season against the 0-2 Toasted Heads who lost twice to the defending champion Cobras.
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Week in Review
Random thoughts from the last week:
The most counterproductive thing in the whole world has got to be drive through ATM's. They were made for convenience so that you could get money without having to get out of your car. But they were designed to be inconvenient. You can't even reach the damn buttons from your car seat. That doesn't stop you from trying though....for five minutes. Eventually you get fed up and unbuckle your seatbelt in an attempt to lean out the window like your some kind of stunt double from the fast and the furious. When that doesn't work you just get out of the car and walk up to the machine. It's pointless really.
How come we tip the waitress or waiter but not the cook?
Have you ever tried to tell the difference between a porn star moaning and a female tennis player grunting after a serve? It's harder than it sounds.
How come when I ask for water it comes with a lemon? If I wanted lemonade that's what I would have ordered.
Just wondering but who determined that urination was #1 and a bowel movement was #2? Is urination some how superior to a bowel movement?
Similarly who was the first person who tried sushi? And what could have possibly compelled said person to do so?
I heard during the week that some refugees may be housed for the next six months on cruise liners and at military bases. Looks like my crazy ideas aren't really that crazy after all.
What's the point of sentencing someone to more than one life term? Wouldn't only one life sentence suffice? These are criminals not cats. They don't have nine lives.
I think that fitting room attendants at clothing stores hate me. I'll go in there with 20 pairs of jeans and then not buy anything. Half the folding they do in a given day is because I change my mind more than the Mets when determining their starting rotation.
Why is the men's room in the Oceanside Library painted pink? It's bad enough some of these kids had to grow up watching Barney. But now you're going to even further gender confuse them by painting the inside of the men's room in a public place pink! What are you thinking?
My new favorite thing to do is to watch movies that are so bad they're actually good like Last Action Hero, Toy Soldiers, Starship Troopers, and any of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Movies.
Speaking of favorite things, my favorite thing to do on jdate is tell someone that they light up my menorah and then ask them if they are looking for a new flame. Which may explain why no one has emailed me back yet.
Is it weird that I turned down a job interview with a company called Game Face just because I'm playing a team called Game Face this week in softball and didn't want to have anything to do with my opponents?
There's a new series coming out on Fox called Headcases. I have got to watch that show!
Countdown to softball: One day.
Countdown to Lost: 10 days.
The most counterproductive thing in the whole world has got to be drive through ATM's. They were made for convenience so that you could get money without having to get out of your car. But they were designed to be inconvenient. You can't even reach the damn buttons from your car seat. That doesn't stop you from trying though....for five minutes. Eventually you get fed up and unbuckle your seatbelt in an attempt to lean out the window like your some kind of stunt double from the fast and the furious. When that doesn't work you just get out of the car and walk up to the machine. It's pointless really.
How come we tip the waitress or waiter but not the cook?
Have you ever tried to tell the difference between a porn star moaning and a female tennis player grunting after a serve? It's harder than it sounds.
How come when I ask for water it comes with a lemon? If I wanted lemonade that's what I would have ordered.
Just wondering but who determined that urination was #1 and a bowel movement was #2? Is urination some how superior to a bowel movement?
Similarly who was the first person who tried sushi? And what could have possibly compelled said person to do so?
I heard during the week that some refugees may be housed for the next six months on cruise liners and at military bases. Looks like my crazy ideas aren't really that crazy after all.
What's the point of sentencing someone to more than one life term? Wouldn't only one life sentence suffice? These are criminals not cats. They don't have nine lives.
I think that fitting room attendants at clothing stores hate me. I'll go in there with 20 pairs of jeans and then not buy anything. Half the folding they do in a given day is because I change my mind more than the Mets when determining their starting rotation.
Why is the men's room in the Oceanside Library painted pink? It's bad enough some of these kids had to grow up watching Barney. But now you're going to even further gender confuse them by painting the inside of the men's room in a public place pink! What are you thinking?
My new favorite thing to do is to watch movies that are so bad they're actually good like Last Action Hero, Toy Soldiers, Starship Troopers, and any of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Movies.
Speaking of favorite things, my favorite thing to do on jdate is tell someone that they light up my menorah and then ask them if they are looking for a new flame. Which may explain why no one has emailed me back yet.
Is it weird that I turned down a job interview with a company called Game Face just because I'm playing a team called Game Face this week in softball and didn't want to have anything to do with my opponents?
There's a new series coming out on Fox called Headcases. I have got to watch that show!
Countdown to softball: One day.
Countdown to Lost: 10 days.
Friday, September 09, 2005
Football Picks: Week 1
As a new feature I'm going to start picking the winners of all the upcoming football games each week. It'll be a way for me to keep track of how good I'm doing and also to show off to everyone how much I know. But there's one rule. If you take this inside information and win money with it, I get half. That's only fair. Without further adieu here are my week 1 picks.
For the record I picked New England over the Raiders. So technically I'm 1 for 1. But that was easy. Here it gets a little trickier.
Texans over Bills - With the way Buffalo finished last year everyone has been picking them to do great things this year. But with J.P. Losman, he of the four career snaps at quarterback I still have my reservations. At least early in the year with high expectations. As such pick the Texans and the explosive trio of David Carr, Andre Johnson, and Domanick Davis.
Bengals over Cleveland - Like anyone cares anyway. Boring matchup with the edge going to the more talented Bengals. We may see a breakout game from young QB Carson Palmer.
Jets over KC - Kc's won something like 8 straight home openers. Great stat but it's time to find another one because come Sunday it will soon be an antiquated stat. The Jets will roll through on their way to the playoffs.
Broncos over Miami - A lot of people think the Broncos will be really good this year. I won't go that far but they are better than hapless Miami. Go with the safe bet and take Denver.
Minnestoa over Tampa Bay - I'd be surprised if Tampa Bay coach Jon Gruden is still employed by December. Minnesota's my sleeper pick to go to the Super Bowl so of course I gotta pick them in week one.
Pittsburgh over Tennessee - I don't think Pittsburgh will be anywhere near as good as last year. QB Ben Roethisberger is the definition of a one year wonder and they'll be without both Duce Staley and Jerome Bettis in week one. But even still Tennessee is worse.
Washington over Chicago - Worst game ever. Who cares. Washington wins because of Clinton Portis.
Carolina over New Orleans - The Saints are going all the way. Eventually. They still struggle in week one though because of the hurricane related distractions. And Carolina's really good.
Seattle over Jacksonville - Jacksonville's good but Seattle has something to prove this year. Shaun Alexander in a contract year is a scary thought. Seattle all the way.
Detroit over Green Bay - Detroit's another team that could be good this year if Joey Harrington, Kevin Jones, and Roy Williams play up to potential. With Green Bay and Brett Farve on the decline go with Detroit.
Arizona over the Giants - One of the toughest games to call. The Giants know Arizona QB Kurt Warner well and know how to exploit him. However, he's got tremendous weapons around him in WRS Anquan Boldin, Larry Fitzgerald, and Bryant Johnson. Should be an interesting game. But I like the Cardinals because I'm worried about Eli's elbow.
San Diego over Dallas - If you think Drew Brees and the Chargers will have a letdown you're retarded. Even without TE Antonio Gates they dominant an inexperienced Dallas defense.
St. Louis over San Francisco - A no brainer. SF won't win a game all year.
Indy over Baltimore - A great game. Indy's offense against Baltimore's defense. A dream match up. But this early in the year without a full tank of gas expect the defense to fall apart in the second half and for Peyton Manning to exploit it.
Philly over Atlanta - Probably the game of the week. Michael Vick will make sportscenter but the Eagles are the better team top to bottom. Expect T.O. to blow up.
For the record I picked New England over the Raiders. So technically I'm 1 for 1. But that was easy. Here it gets a little trickier.
Texans over Bills - With the way Buffalo finished last year everyone has been picking them to do great things this year. But with J.P. Losman, he of the four career snaps at quarterback I still have my reservations. At least early in the year with high expectations. As such pick the Texans and the explosive trio of David Carr, Andre Johnson, and Domanick Davis.
Bengals over Cleveland - Like anyone cares anyway. Boring matchup with the edge going to the more talented Bengals. We may see a breakout game from young QB Carson Palmer.
Jets over KC - Kc's won something like 8 straight home openers. Great stat but it's time to find another one because come Sunday it will soon be an antiquated stat. The Jets will roll through on their way to the playoffs.
Broncos over Miami - A lot of people think the Broncos will be really good this year. I won't go that far but they are better than hapless Miami. Go with the safe bet and take Denver.
Minnestoa over Tampa Bay - I'd be surprised if Tampa Bay coach Jon Gruden is still employed by December. Minnesota's my sleeper pick to go to the Super Bowl so of course I gotta pick them in week one.
Pittsburgh over Tennessee - I don't think Pittsburgh will be anywhere near as good as last year. QB Ben Roethisberger is the definition of a one year wonder and they'll be without both Duce Staley and Jerome Bettis in week one. But even still Tennessee is worse.
Washington over Chicago - Worst game ever. Who cares. Washington wins because of Clinton Portis.
Carolina over New Orleans - The Saints are going all the way. Eventually. They still struggle in week one though because of the hurricane related distractions. And Carolina's really good.
Seattle over Jacksonville - Jacksonville's good but Seattle has something to prove this year. Shaun Alexander in a contract year is a scary thought. Seattle all the way.
Detroit over Green Bay - Detroit's another team that could be good this year if Joey Harrington, Kevin Jones, and Roy Williams play up to potential. With Green Bay and Brett Farve on the decline go with Detroit.
Arizona over the Giants - One of the toughest games to call. The Giants know Arizona QB Kurt Warner well and know how to exploit him. However, he's got tremendous weapons around him in WRS Anquan Boldin, Larry Fitzgerald, and Bryant Johnson. Should be an interesting game. But I like the Cardinals because I'm worried about Eli's elbow.
San Diego over Dallas - If you think Drew Brees and the Chargers will have a letdown you're retarded. Even without TE Antonio Gates they dominant an inexperienced Dallas defense.
St. Louis over San Francisco - A no brainer. SF won't win a game all year.
Indy over Baltimore - A great game. Indy's offense against Baltimore's defense. A dream match up. But this early in the year without a full tank of gas expect the defense to fall apart in the second half and for Peyton Manning to exploit it.
Philly over Atlanta - Probably the game of the week. Michael Vick will make sportscenter but the Eagles are the better team top to bottom. Expect T.O. to blow up.
Fall Softball Preview
Here's a preview of the coming softball season as it appeared on gamers all access. Enjoy.
Baldwin, NY - After falling short of winning the division championship each of their first two seasons in ABA, the Gamers aren't taking any more chances. Come this fall they might have their best team yet having combined players from last fall's team, this summer's team, and the Swingers. On paper the roster looks like a who's who of ABA all stars.
Gamers manager William Bezouska said, " I get a chubby just thinking about the collection of talent I have assembled. I mean, come on, have you ever seen a team this good?"
Well the 1923 New York Yankees come to mind but I think Bezouska's point is well taken. This team is going to be hard to beat. Just look at their Texas Rangers like infield with Anthony Vega at third, Rob Roll at shortstop, Rob Rathbun at second base, and Ian Zeigler at first base.
Throw in solid two way outfielders who play gold glove caliber defense and hit the cover off the ball in Scott Zimmerman, Scott Goldsmith, Brian Malfettone, and Dave Roll and it may not be long before the other teams in the division are complaining to ABA that the Gamers should really be an A level team.
And that's without even mentioning pitchers Craig Shames and Zac Nicholson and Dh's Dave Kheel, Mike Riker and Johnny Vasquez. Top to bottom, 1-14 this team is stacked. No other team can boast a #12 hitter in Dave Roll who could be hitting clean up for most teams.The only problem is that in assembling a team this good, Bezouska forgot to leave a spot for himself.
"I was wondering about that," newly re-acquired slugger Ian Zeigler said after hearing that Bezouska will be sitting on the bench. He added, "I remember thinking to myself that the Gamers already had close to a full team. But then Billy kept calling me, asking me for Riker's #, my cousin's #, Mark's #, etc. I was like, damn, how many people are going to be on this team?"
"I guess I got carried away," Bezouska said while rummaging through the dumpster behind Play It Again Sports looking for softballs. "But you gotta admit, we are gonna be freakin' awesome."
Baldwin, NY - After falling short of winning the division championship each of their first two seasons in ABA, the Gamers aren't taking any more chances. Come this fall they might have their best team yet having combined players from last fall's team, this summer's team, and the Swingers. On paper the roster looks like a who's who of ABA all stars.
Gamers manager William Bezouska said, " I get a chubby just thinking about the collection of talent I have assembled. I mean, come on, have you ever seen a team this good?"
Well the 1923 New York Yankees come to mind but I think Bezouska's point is well taken. This team is going to be hard to beat. Just look at their Texas Rangers like infield with Anthony Vega at third, Rob Roll at shortstop, Rob Rathbun at second base, and Ian Zeigler at first base.
Throw in solid two way outfielders who play gold glove caliber defense and hit the cover off the ball in Scott Zimmerman, Scott Goldsmith, Brian Malfettone, and Dave Roll and it may not be long before the other teams in the division are complaining to ABA that the Gamers should really be an A level team.
And that's without even mentioning pitchers Craig Shames and Zac Nicholson and Dh's Dave Kheel, Mike Riker and Johnny Vasquez. Top to bottom, 1-14 this team is stacked. No other team can boast a #12 hitter in Dave Roll who could be hitting clean up for most teams.The only problem is that in assembling a team this good, Bezouska forgot to leave a spot for himself.
"I was wondering about that," newly re-acquired slugger Ian Zeigler said after hearing that Bezouska will be sitting on the bench. He added, "I remember thinking to myself that the Gamers already had close to a full team. But then Billy kept calling me, asking me for Riker's #, my cousin's #, Mark's #, etc. I was like, damn, how many people are going to be on this team?"
"I guess I got carried away," Bezouska said while rummaging through the dumpster behind Play It Again Sports looking for softballs. "But you gotta admit, we are gonna be freakin' awesome."
Thursday, September 08, 2005
NFL Preview 2K5
With the season kicking off tonight when the Patriots and Raiders square off I thought it would be a good idea to preview the coming season. As such, the Shames-o-matic Predicition Meter has been working overtime to come up with some fearless football predictions for the '05 season. I guarantee that you won't find these predictions anywhere else.
1. The vagabound Saints will be the feel good story of the year. Playing all of their games on the road or out of nearby college football stadiums, the Saints will rally around their circumstances not get distracted by them, win 10 or 11 games and make the playoffs as one of the NFC's wild card teams.
2. They'll be lead by QB Aaron Brooks who'll finally have his long awaited break out year. I was probably the only person in the world who predicted that 2b Brian Roberts would blow up this year for the Orioles. Come football season the one guy whose guaranteed to blow up like Roberts is Brooks.
3. LT, LaDanian Tomlinson will amass 3,000 all purpose yards. A lofty goal but with 2,000 yards rushing and another 1,000 receiving LT will have a season for the ages and establish himself as the best back in the game. Maybe even of all time.
4. The Patriots will go 16-0. No one's been undefeated since the 1972 Miami Dolphins. The Patriots led by QB Tom Brady, RB Corey Dillon and breakout performances from WR Deion Branch and TE Ben Watson will match their unprecedented feat.
5. Oh yeah and they'll win the Super Bowl for the fourth time in five years. I'm sure that's been predicted elsewhere but I'm saying they'll do it over........the Minnesota Vikings. That's right the Vikings. They may have lost WR Randy Moss but they vastly improved their defense and with a healthy Michael Bennett in the backfield they could be dangerous enough to come out of the NFC. Especially since the Eagles just lost DE Hugh Douglas, DT Corey Simon, RB Correll Buckhalter and WR Todd Pinkston.
6. On the other hand the 49ers will go 0-16. I haven't seen a team this bad since I last checked Malfettone's fantasy squad.
7. Dolphins RB Ricky Williams has to sit out the first four games to serve his drug suspension. In the 12 games after that he'll be more productive than the entire 49ers backfield put together in 16 games.
8. Anthony Wright will replace an ineffective Kyle Boller as QB of the Baltimore Ravens and lead them into the playoffs.
9. The Cincinnatti Bengals led by QB Carson Palmer, RB Rudi Johnson, and WR Chad Johnson will be one of the surprise teams of the AFC beating out the Ravens and Steelers to win the AFC North.
10. Young players who will absolutely, positively, beyond a shadow of a doubt blow up: QB David Carr, QB Joey Harrington, QB Carson Palmer, RB DeShaun Foster, RB Kevin Jones, WR Roy Williams, WR Andre Johnson, WR Deion Branch, TE Chris Baker and TE L.J. Smith.
11. Veteran players who will absolutely, positively, beyond a shadow of a doubt blow up: Brooks, QB Kerry Collins, RB Jamal Lewis, RB Clinton Portis, WR Joe Horn, WR Keenan McCardell and TE Jeremy Shockey.
12. Other players who may blow up that I should mention just to say that I did when they do even though I don't really think they will: WR Ashley Lelie, WR Keary Colbert, RB Steven Jackson, and RB Larry Johnson.
13. I'm going to go out on a limb for this one - A team that nobody picked to do anything will wind up having a great year. Such is life in the parody ridden NFL.
14. And finally and you can take this one to the bank, Tampa Bay rookie RB Carnell "Cadillac" Williams will be in a car commercial by at least week 7.
Other things you should know:
Division Winners and Playoff Teams
NFC
East - Eagles
North - Vikings
South - Panthers
West - Seahawks
Wildcard - Saints
Wildcard - Falcons
Just missing: Rams, Lions, Giants
AFC
East - Patriots
North - Bengals
South - Colts
West - Chargers
Wildcard - Jets
Wildcard - Ravens
Just missing - Bills, Steelers
Super Bowl: Patriots over Vikings
Individual Awards
Offensive Player of the Year - LaDanian Tomlinson, Chargers
Defensive Player of the Year - Julius Peppers, Panthers
Offensive Rookie of the Year - Carnell Williams, Bucaneers
Defensive Rookie of the Year - DeMarcus Ware, Cowboys
Coach of the Year - Jim Haslett, Saints
Well there you have it. If you want to know anything during the season just let me know and I'll fire up the magic eight ball.
1. The vagabound Saints will be the feel good story of the year. Playing all of their games on the road or out of nearby college football stadiums, the Saints will rally around their circumstances not get distracted by them, win 10 or 11 games and make the playoffs as one of the NFC's wild card teams.
2. They'll be lead by QB Aaron Brooks who'll finally have his long awaited break out year. I was probably the only person in the world who predicted that 2b Brian Roberts would blow up this year for the Orioles. Come football season the one guy whose guaranteed to blow up like Roberts is Brooks.
3. LT, LaDanian Tomlinson will amass 3,000 all purpose yards. A lofty goal but with 2,000 yards rushing and another 1,000 receiving LT will have a season for the ages and establish himself as the best back in the game. Maybe even of all time.
4. The Patriots will go 16-0. No one's been undefeated since the 1972 Miami Dolphins. The Patriots led by QB Tom Brady, RB Corey Dillon and breakout performances from WR Deion Branch and TE Ben Watson will match their unprecedented feat.
5. Oh yeah and they'll win the Super Bowl for the fourth time in five years. I'm sure that's been predicted elsewhere but I'm saying they'll do it over........the Minnesota Vikings. That's right the Vikings. They may have lost WR Randy Moss but they vastly improved their defense and with a healthy Michael Bennett in the backfield they could be dangerous enough to come out of the NFC. Especially since the Eagles just lost DE Hugh Douglas, DT Corey Simon, RB Correll Buckhalter and WR Todd Pinkston.
6. On the other hand the 49ers will go 0-16. I haven't seen a team this bad since I last checked Malfettone's fantasy squad.
7. Dolphins RB Ricky Williams has to sit out the first four games to serve his drug suspension. In the 12 games after that he'll be more productive than the entire 49ers backfield put together in 16 games.
8. Anthony Wright will replace an ineffective Kyle Boller as QB of the Baltimore Ravens and lead them into the playoffs.
9. The Cincinnatti Bengals led by QB Carson Palmer, RB Rudi Johnson, and WR Chad Johnson will be one of the surprise teams of the AFC beating out the Ravens and Steelers to win the AFC North.
10. Young players who will absolutely, positively, beyond a shadow of a doubt blow up: QB David Carr, QB Joey Harrington, QB Carson Palmer, RB DeShaun Foster, RB Kevin Jones, WR Roy Williams, WR Andre Johnson, WR Deion Branch, TE Chris Baker and TE L.J. Smith.
11. Veteran players who will absolutely, positively, beyond a shadow of a doubt blow up: Brooks, QB Kerry Collins, RB Jamal Lewis, RB Clinton Portis, WR Joe Horn, WR Keenan McCardell and TE Jeremy Shockey.
12. Other players who may blow up that I should mention just to say that I did when they do even though I don't really think they will: WR Ashley Lelie, WR Keary Colbert, RB Steven Jackson, and RB Larry Johnson.
13. I'm going to go out on a limb for this one - A team that nobody picked to do anything will wind up having a great year. Such is life in the parody ridden NFL.
14. And finally and you can take this one to the bank, Tampa Bay rookie RB Carnell "Cadillac" Williams will be in a car commercial by at least week 7.
Other things you should know:
Division Winners and Playoff Teams
NFC
East - Eagles
North - Vikings
South - Panthers
West - Seahawks
Wildcard - Saints
Wildcard - Falcons
Just missing: Rams, Lions, Giants
AFC
East - Patriots
North - Bengals
South - Colts
West - Chargers
Wildcard - Jets
Wildcard - Ravens
Just missing - Bills, Steelers
Super Bowl: Patriots over Vikings
Individual Awards
Offensive Player of the Year - LaDanian Tomlinson, Chargers
Defensive Player of the Year - Julius Peppers, Panthers
Offensive Rookie of the Year - Carnell Williams, Bucaneers
Defensive Rookie of the Year - DeMarcus Ware, Cowboys
Coach of the Year - Jim Haslett, Saints
Well there you have it. If you want to know anything during the season just let me know and I'll fire up the magic eight ball.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
What's Up With Jdate?
If there was ever anyone worthy of being the poster child for internet dating it would be yours truly. I hate going out and when I do I'm too shy to actually talk to those few people that actually pass through my ridicilously high standards.
I don't think it's a crime to want to be with a girl that's disproportionately hotter than me. I know I should be settling for the girl that sits next to me in math class. But I want to go for the captain of the cheerleading squad.
That's why online dating is good for me. I can look at people's profiles and only talk to those girls that I have absolutely no chance with. Saves a lot of time in the long run.
The only problem is that things haven't been working out for me so far. I've been a member in the past and only wound up going on one date. I recently rejoined and since doing so have sent out maybe 30 emails in the last three days. Of those I have heard back from exactly zero so far.
What's up with that? Are people just not checking their email accounts? Are they no longer paying members and therefore don't have access to them? Or are they just getting scared away when they see that my screen name has the word headcase in it?
Who knows? All I know is that these girls better come to their senses. That elusive great Jewish guy that's so hard to find is right under their noses.
Well sort of. I'm hardly Jewish nor great. But still. I'm right here. And as Brian always says the first girl that kisses me gets to marry me. So what are you all waiting for? Reply to sender already!
I don't think it's a crime to want to be with a girl that's disproportionately hotter than me. I know I should be settling for the girl that sits next to me in math class. But I want to go for the captain of the cheerleading squad.
That's why online dating is good for me. I can look at people's profiles and only talk to those girls that I have absolutely no chance with. Saves a lot of time in the long run.
The only problem is that things haven't been working out for me so far. I've been a member in the past and only wound up going on one date. I recently rejoined and since doing so have sent out maybe 30 emails in the last three days. Of those I have heard back from exactly zero so far.
What's up with that? Are people just not checking their email accounts? Are they no longer paying members and therefore don't have access to them? Or are they just getting scared away when they see that my screen name has the word headcase in it?
Who knows? All I know is that these girls better come to their senses. That elusive great Jewish guy that's so hard to find is right under their noses.
Well sort of. I'm hardly Jewish nor great. But still. I'm right here. And as Brian always says the first girl that kisses me gets to marry me. So what are you all waiting for? Reply to sender already!
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
The Dog Days of Summer
Being unemployed and all, I've spent a lot of time with my dog Rocky the last couple of months and with the summer winding down I thought I would take the time to mention some things that I've observed about him. Enjoy.
1. Does he like sleeping in his "house" i.e. his cage. Or if given his druthers would he sleep on the couch?
2. Does he know he's a dog? Or does he think he's something else?
3. When he barks to another dog are they actually talking coherently to each other or are they just making loud noises in the direction of one another like in that scene from Anchorman?
4. Does he mind going to the bathroom with somebody watching? I know I can't go at a urinal when someone's nearby. Does he feel the same way?
5. When he sees me wake up at 2 pm does he think to himself, 'what a lazy piece of shit'?
6. If I go out and leave the tv on for him would he have a preference of what channel to watch? He's gotta prefer me leaving sportscenter on as opposed to Mark leaving the history channel on.
7. Does he worry about something being unsanitary before he picks it up and puts it into his mouth? Probably not since he's always chewing on my dirty socks but you never know.
8. If he could speak to us what would he say?
9. Does he mind always walking around on a leash? Does he feel like his civil rights are being violated?
10. Does he think about one day reuniting with his biological mother and father and other siblings? Or does he really think he's one of us?
1. Does he like sleeping in his "house" i.e. his cage. Or if given his druthers would he sleep on the couch?
2. Does he know he's a dog? Or does he think he's something else?
3. When he barks to another dog are they actually talking coherently to each other or are they just making loud noises in the direction of one another like in that scene from Anchorman?
4. Does he mind going to the bathroom with somebody watching? I know I can't go at a urinal when someone's nearby. Does he feel the same way?
5. When he sees me wake up at 2 pm does he think to himself, 'what a lazy piece of shit'?
6. If I go out and leave the tv on for him would he have a preference of what channel to watch? He's gotta prefer me leaving sportscenter on as opposed to Mark leaving the history channel on.
7. Does he worry about something being unsanitary before he picks it up and puts it into his mouth? Probably not since he's always chewing on my dirty socks but you never know.
8. If he could speak to us what would he say?
9. Does he mind always walking around on a leash? Does he feel like his civil rights are being violated?
10. Does he think about one day reuniting with his biological mother and father and other siblings? Or does he really think he's one of us?
Monday, September 05, 2005
Labor Day Blues
Just writing this is bringing a tear to my eye because as we all know Labor Day unofficially marks the end of summer. It's probably the saddest holiday of the year not counting your birthday if no one remembered, Halloween if you don't have a costume, and Valentine's day if your single.
Come to think of it all holidays suck but Labor Day really does in particular. Partly because it's incorrectly labeled (Labor day should really be what we call birth days) but primarily because it signifies that the winter, with it's flu season, ice buildup on your windshield, and iceballs thrown by punk teenagers is right around the corner.
In the fall the temperatures are perfect and the scenery once the leaves start to turn colors sure is breathtaking. But all things being equal I'll take the similar temperatures in the spring time any day of the week. Because at least then you have the whole summer to look forward to. Labor day on the other hand brings with it the thought of the coming bleak winter which just depresses you.
Despite being even more of a kill joy than the groundhog who doesn't see his shadow Labor Day is good for one thing: thinking back to all the good times you had this summer.
Which for me was getting fired, not finding another job since then, not having a summer fling, having my life story told in the 40 Year Old Virgin even though I didn't receive any royalties, having my idea for a movie about my softball team ripped off by Artie Lang from the Howard Stern Show, and coming to the realization that I am a bitter old man trapped in a 23 year old's body.
But that's just me. How was your summer?
Come to think of it all holidays suck but Labor Day really does in particular. Partly because it's incorrectly labeled (Labor day should really be what we call birth days) but primarily because it signifies that the winter, with it's flu season, ice buildup on your windshield, and iceballs thrown by punk teenagers is right around the corner.
In the fall the temperatures are perfect and the scenery once the leaves start to turn colors sure is breathtaking. But all things being equal I'll take the similar temperatures in the spring time any day of the week. Because at least then you have the whole summer to look forward to. Labor day on the other hand brings with it the thought of the coming bleak winter which just depresses you.
Despite being even more of a kill joy than the groundhog who doesn't see his shadow Labor Day is good for one thing: thinking back to all the good times you had this summer.
Which for me was getting fired, not finding another job since then, not having a summer fling, having my life story told in the 40 Year Old Virgin even though I didn't receive any royalties, having my idea for a movie about my softball team ripped off by Artie Lang from the Howard Stern Show, and coming to the realization that I am a bitter old man trapped in a 23 year old's body.
But that's just me. How was your summer?
Sunday, September 04, 2005
Week in Review
Random thoughts from the last week:
I'm glad the Beauty and the Geek casting call went off without a hitch. Billy had me worried that they were going to take advantage of me and make a jacket out of my skin. Or more likely in my case, a sweater.
Why is possession 9 tenths of the law? Doesn't it only have to be 5.1 tenths of the law in order to prove ownership?
During the week I received a call from a telemarketer whose name sounded like it was Sierra Mist. I didn't order what she was selling but I did go out and buy a soft drink after I got off the phone with her.
Corny joke of the week: When my cousin Paige asked if anyone knew why ducks fly in a V formation I said it was so that they can score goals. (Nobody got it.)
Entourage's Ari Gold had the line of the week when talking to his assistant he said, "Lloyd, go into my office and pack everything up. And I mean everything. If you see a spiked paddle, an executioner's mask, and handcuffs you don't think. You just pack that bitch up. Chop sui."
If you could pick any name for youself what would it be? I think I would go with either Chad, Chadford, or Chadwick. Don't ask.
Speaking of names I found out that my mom was going to name me Pamela if I was a girl.
Countdown to the start of softball season: 7 days
Countdown to the start of Lost: 17 days
I'm glad the Beauty and the Geek casting call went off without a hitch. Billy had me worried that they were going to take advantage of me and make a jacket out of my skin. Or more likely in my case, a sweater.
Why is possession 9 tenths of the law? Doesn't it only have to be 5.1 tenths of the law in order to prove ownership?
During the week I received a call from a telemarketer whose name sounded like it was Sierra Mist. I didn't order what she was selling but I did go out and buy a soft drink after I got off the phone with her.
Corny joke of the week: When my cousin Paige asked if anyone knew why ducks fly in a V formation I said it was so that they can score goals. (Nobody got it.)
Entourage's Ari Gold had the line of the week when talking to his assistant he said, "Lloyd, go into my office and pack everything up. And I mean everything. If you see a spiked paddle, an executioner's mask, and handcuffs you don't think. You just pack that bitch up. Chop sui."
If you could pick any name for youself what would it be? I think I would go with either Chad, Chadford, or Chadwick. Don't ask.
Speaking of names I found out that my mom was going to name me Pamela if I was a girl.
Countdown to the start of softball season: 7 days
Countdown to the start of Lost: 17 days
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Further Proof That I'm A Fantasy God
I just completed a fantasy draft in which my two worlds, Baldwin and NU, collided. The results were scary. Just look at this team I assembled with the #6 overall pick.
QB - Carson Palmer
RB - Willis McGahee
RB - Kevin Jones
WR - Terrell Owens
WR - Nate Burleson
WR - Lee Evans
TE - Jeremy Shockey
DEF - Buffalo/Philadelphia
K - John Kasay
If you don't know anything about football just know that the team listed above is probably a whose who of break out players for 2005. If they all hold true to form the league name, Craig's a Fantasy God, will hold up.
I'm pretty sure it will. After all it just did in baseball where I have an insurmountable 20 point lead.
But what's even better are some of the team names in this league:
Ilikecraig'schesthair
Shames' protege
Craig's mancrushes
Winning a league is one thing. Having some team names pay homage to you while you trash talk them is another.
This is gonna be great.
QB - Carson Palmer
RB - Willis McGahee
RB - Kevin Jones
WR - Terrell Owens
WR - Nate Burleson
WR - Lee Evans
TE - Jeremy Shockey
DEF - Buffalo/Philadelphia
K - John Kasay
If you don't know anything about football just know that the team listed above is probably a whose who of break out players for 2005. If they all hold true to form the league name, Craig's a Fantasy God, will hold up.
I'm pretty sure it will. After all it just did in baseball where I have an insurmountable 20 point lead.
But what's even better are some of the team names in this league:
Ilikecraig'schesthair
Shames' protege
Craig's mancrushes
Winning a league is one thing. Having some team names pay homage to you while you trash talk them is another.
This is gonna be great.
Friday, September 02, 2005
More Katrina Thoughts
So last night I dreamt that I was caught looting Big Pretzels. Just goes to show how much this disaster has affected me as well as how much I like Big Pretzels. Damn, they're good. But I digress. I wanted to talk some more about the relief efforts. Here are some more of my random thoughts about the worst natural disaster in our nation's history:
I think the people who will benefit the most from this are the people that were homeless before this disaster. Now everyone's in the same boat. Now everyone's homeless. There's no way to differentiate between who was homeless before and who is now. Now everyone will be lumped together as refugess and cared for, assuming they can get out of the affected areas. In an ideal situation the people who were homeless before will come out of this better than they went into it and that's some good news at least.
What's the point of President Bush doing a walk through of the affected areas? I get it. He wants to look like he's doing something. But here's a thought. You will look like you're being more productive if you were locked away in a room all day. That way you could say hey I'm too busy to talk to the press or make public appearances because I'm coordinating the relief efforts. Meanwhile he could be playing XBox and we'll never be the wiser.
Jokes at this time are just completely inappropriate. I heard that Booker from KROCK said that the worst part about this is that there's not going to be a place anymore to make girls gone wild videos. No Booker the worst part about this is all of the people starving to death on national tv.
I also don't think that they should try to rebuild New Orleans. They should say that they will to keep up hope and morale. But in all praticality in doesn't seem plausible or even logistically possible. I'm not even sure if they'll ever be able to get the water out.
Just wondering but where do the reporters and national guard troops get their food, water, and shelter during a crisis?
If you national weather service knew the hurricane was coming how come the Bush administration didn't?
I would say that I'm 75% sure that I now want to join FEMA or another disaster relief agency. I think I may have finally found my calling.
I think the people who will benefit the most from this are the people that were homeless before this disaster. Now everyone's in the same boat. Now everyone's homeless. There's no way to differentiate between who was homeless before and who is now. Now everyone will be lumped together as refugess and cared for, assuming they can get out of the affected areas. In an ideal situation the people who were homeless before will come out of this better than they went into it and that's some good news at least.
What's the point of President Bush doing a walk through of the affected areas? I get it. He wants to look like he's doing something. But here's a thought. You will look like you're being more productive if you were locked away in a room all day. That way you could say hey I'm too busy to talk to the press or make public appearances because I'm coordinating the relief efforts. Meanwhile he could be playing XBox and we'll never be the wiser.
Jokes at this time are just completely inappropriate. I heard that Booker from KROCK said that the worst part about this is that there's not going to be a place anymore to make girls gone wild videos. No Booker the worst part about this is all of the people starving to death on national tv.
I also don't think that they should try to rebuild New Orleans. They should say that they will to keep up hope and morale. But in all praticality in doesn't seem plausible or even logistically possible. I'm not even sure if they'll ever be able to get the water out.
Just wondering but where do the reporters and national guard troops get their food, water, and shelter during a crisis?
If you national weather service knew the hurricane was coming how come the Bush administration didn't?
I would say that I'm 75% sure that I now want to join FEMA or another disaster relief agency. I think I may have finally found my calling.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Katrina Thoughts
Since I can't stop thinking about the Hurricane aftermath I might as well blog about it for another day. Here are some of my random thoughts:
How come they don't use cruise ships to house the refugees? Cruise ships are like floating cities and could house and feed hundreds of people for a sustained period of time. Doesn't that sound better than piling them into cramped sports arenas?
Or what about housing people at old military bases that were closed down. There are barracks and eating facilities that can be used to shelter, feed, and provide the basic necessities of life for the refugees. So how come no one is mentioning this?
How come people who evacuated New Orleans before the storm hit can't get into the Astrodome? Officials are saying it's only for those coming from the Superdome. But what's the point of that? Shouldn't people who heeded the warnings be taken care of as well? If not more so than those who were too foolish to leave?
How come officials are more concerned with stopping the leavee breaches, which they probably won't be able to do, than with getting the people out of New Orleans or at least getting supplies to them?
How come the NFL hasn't rescheduled the Saints first few home games yet? They're taking a wait and see approach like there's a chance they can still get the games in. Are you kidding me? The city will be under water for three months. Just move the games already.
How come Congress doesn't call a special session. Why do they have to wait until they are back in session before they can do something? Get off your asses and do something already.
Same thing for President Bush. Why wait three days before you say something? Do something already.
And where's NUMA been throughout all of this?
How come they don't use cruise ships to house the refugees? Cruise ships are like floating cities and could house and feed hundreds of people for a sustained period of time. Doesn't that sound better than piling them into cramped sports arenas?
Or what about housing people at old military bases that were closed down. There are barracks and eating facilities that can be used to shelter, feed, and provide the basic necessities of life for the refugees. So how come no one is mentioning this?
How come people who evacuated New Orleans before the storm hit can't get into the Astrodome? Officials are saying it's only for those coming from the Superdome. But what's the point of that? Shouldn't people who heeded the warnings be taken care of as well? If not more so than those who were too foolish to leave?
How come officials are more concerned with stopping the leavee breaches, which they probably won't be able to do, than with getting the people out of New Orleans or at least getting supplies to them?
How come the NFL hasn't rescheduled the Saints first few home games yet? They're taking a wait and see approach like there's a chance they can still get the games in. Are you kidding me? The city will be under water for three months. Just move the games already.
How come Congress doesn't call a special session. Why do they have to wait until they are back in session before they can do something? Get off your asses and do something already.
Same thing for President Bush. Why wait three days before you say something? Do something already.
And where's NUMA been throughout all of this?
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