NFL Preview 2K5

With the season kicking off tonight when the Patriots and Raiders square off I thought it would be a good idea to preview the coming season. As such, the Shames-o-matic Predicition Meter has been working overtime to come up with some fearless football predictions for the '05 season. I guarantee that you won't find these predictions anywhere else.

1. The vagabound Saints will be the feel good story of the year. Playing all of their games on the road or out of nearby college football stadiums, the Saints will rally around their circumstances not get distracted by them, win 10 or 11 games and make the playoffs as one of the NFC's wild card teams.

2. They'll be lead by QB Aaron Brooks who'll finally have his long awaited break out year. I was probably the only person in the world who predicted that 2b Brian Roberts would blow up this year for the Orioles. Come football season the one guy whose guaranteed to blow up like Roberts is Brooks.

3. LT, LaDanian Tomlinson will amass 3,000 all purpose yards. A lofty goal but with 2,000 yards rushing and another 1,000 receiving LT will have a season for the ages and establish himself as the best back in the game. Maybe even of all time.

4. The Patriots will go 16-0. No one's been undefeated since the 1972 Miami Dolphins. The Patriots led by QB Tom Brady, RB Corey Dillon and breakout performances from WR Deion Branch and TE Ben Watson will match their unprecedented feat.

5. Oh yeah and they'll win the Super Bowl for the fourth time in five years. I'm sure that's been predicted elsewhere but I'm saying they'll do it over........the Minnesota Vikings. That's right the Vikings. They may have lost WR Randy Moss but they vastly improved their defense and with a healthy Michael Bennett in the backfield they could be dangerous enough to come out of the NFC. Especially since the Eagles just lost DE Hugh Douglas, DT Corey Simon, RB Correll Buckhalter and WR Todd Pinkston.

6. On the other hand the 49ers will go 0-16. I haven't seen a team this bad since I last checked Malfettone's fantasy squad.

7. Dolphins RB Ricky Williams has to sit out the first four games to serve his drug suspension. In the 12 games after that he'll be more productive than the entire 49ers backfield put together in 16 games.

8. Anthony Wright will replace an ineffective Kyle Boller as QB of the Baltimore Ravens and lead them into the playoffs.

9. The Cincinnatti Bengals led by QB Carson Palmer, RB Rudi Johnson, and WR Chad Johnson will be one of the surprise teams of the AFC beating out the Ravens and Steelers to win the AFC North.

10. Young players who will absolutely, positively, beyond a shadow of a doubt blow up: QB David Carr, QB Joey Harrington, QB Carson Palmer, RB DeShaun Foster, RB Kevin Jones, WR Roy Williams, WR Andre Johnson, WR Deion Branch, TE Chris Baker and TE L.J. Smith.

11. Veteran players who will absolutely, positively, beyond a shadow of a doubt blow up: Brooks, QB Kerry Collins, RB Jamal Lewis, RB Clinton Portis, WR Joe Horn, WR Keenan McCardell and TE Jeremy Shockey.

12. Other players who may blow up that I should mention just to say that I did when they do even though I don't really think they will: WR Ashley Lelie, WR Keary Colbert, RB Steven Jackson, and RB Larry Johnson.

13. I'm going to go out on a limb for this one - A team that nobody picked to do anything will wind up having a great year. Such is life in the parody ridden NFL.

14. And finally and you can take this one to the bank, Tampa Bay rookie RB Carnell "Cadillac" Williams will be in a car commercial by at least week 7.

Other things you should know:

Division Winners and Playoff Teams

NFC

East - Eagles
North - Vikings
South - Panthers
West - Seahawks
Wildcard - Saints
Wildcard - Falcons

Just missing: Rams, Lions, Giants

AFC

East - Patriots
North - Bengals
South - Colts
West - Chargers
Wildcard - Jets
Wildcard - Ravens

Just missing - Bills, Steelers

Super Bowl: Patriots over Vikings

Individual Awards

Offensive Player of the Year - LaDanian Tomlinson, Chargers
Defensive Player of the Year - Julius Peppers, Panthers
Offensive Rookie of the Year - Carnell Williams, Bucaneers
Defensive Rookie of the Year - DeMarcus Ware, Cowboys
Coach of the Year - Jim Haslett, Saints

Well there you have it. If you want to know anything during the season just let me know and I'll fire up the magic eight ball.