Random thoughts from the last week:
The most counterproductive thing in the whole world has got to be drive through ATM's. They were made for convenience so that you could get money without having to get out of your car. But they were designed to be inconvenient. You can't even reach the damn buttons from your car seat. That doesn't stop you from trying though....for five minutes. Eventually you get fed up and unbuckle your seatbelt in an attempt to lean out the window like your some kind of stunt double from the fast and the furious. When that doesn't work you just get out of the car and walk up to the machine. It's pointless really.
How come we tip the waitress or waiter but not the cook?
Have you ever tried to tell the difference between a porn star moaning and a female tennis player grunting after a serve? It's harder than it sounds.
How come when I ask for water it comes with a lemon? If I wanted lemonade that's what I would have ordered.
Just wondering but who determined that urination was #1 and a bowel movement was #2? Is urination some how superior to a bowel movement?
Similarly who was the first person who tried sushi? And what could have possibly compelled said person to do so?
I heard during the week that some refugees may be housed for the next six months on cruise liners and at military bases. Looks like my crazy ideas aren't really that crazy after all.
What's the point of sentencing someone to more than one life term? Wouldn't only one life sentence suffice? These are criminals not cats. They don't have nine lives.
I think that fitting room attendants at clothing stores hate me. I'll go in there with 20 pairs of jeans and then not buy anything. Half the folding they do in a given day is because I change my mind more than the Mets when determining their starting rotation.
Why is the men's room in the Oceanside Library painted pink? It's bad enough some of these kids had to grow up watching Barney. But now you're going to even further gender confuse them by painting the inside of the men's room in a public place pink! What are you thinking?
My new favorite thing to do is to watch movies that are so bad they're actually good like Last Action Hero, Toy Soldiers, Starship Troopers, and any of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Movies.
Speaking of favorite things, my favorite thing to do on jdate is tell someone that they light up my menorah and then ask them if they are looking for a new flame. Which may explain why no one has emailed me back yet.
Is it weird that I turned down a job interview with a company called Game Face just because I'm playing a team called Game Face this week in softball and didn't want to have anything to do with my opponents?
There's a new series coming out on Fox called Headcases. I have got to watch that show!
Countdown to softball: One day.
Countdown to Lost: 10 days.
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4 comments:
dude! you should try being a stand up comedian with your thoughts. hilarious!
Thanks Fritz but I already tried that and it didn't work out...I think it's better in blog form.
Yeah--I've considered using the menorah tease... all the teases are lame and you can't come close to what you might want to say, which in my case is usually just "psssst. look at me, look at me and like me."
Yeah I guess you're right. Maybe from now on I'll actually try writing something thoughtful...
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