Kenny Powers To Join Phillies

The defending World Series champion Philadelphia Phillies are close to signing a former superstar pitcher in hopes of bolstering their title defense chances. However, contrary to published reports that pitcher will not be future Hall of Famer Pedro Martinez but rather flame throwing flameout Kenny Powers, the all star closer turned high school gym teacher.

Terms of the deal were not immediately disclosed but a high ranking team official with knowledge of the negotiations said that it would most likely be a one year incentive laden deal with a team option for a second year. The total value of the contract was expected to be around three million dollars.

"We believe that Kenny Powers is a guy who has a lot of ability left in that right arm and is somebody that can help us bring another championship to Philadelphia," Phillies General Manager Ruben Amaro, Jr. said in a statement released by the team. "We always do our due deligence and leave no stone unturned."

Or in Powers' case no donut box left unturned. Powers, whose conditioning makes David Wells look like Brock Lesnar, is not concerned about being affected by his long layoff. When reached for comment in his suburban North Carolina home, Powers said, "Look, you don't have to run the ball to home plate. How many guys has Usain Bolt struck out? Huh, how many? You tell me because I'd like to know. I bet you that he hasn't struck out anyone. Nada. No one."

Powers added, "besides I'm pretty sure I could get more people out than Jamie Moyer. That guy is older than dirt. Even April throws harder than him."

It is believed that several other teams were also in the bidding for Powers' services including the New York Mets. When Mets General Manager Omar Minaya was asked recently if the team was interested in Powers Minaya replied, "Of course, we are always looking for Powers. With Beltran, Delgado and Reyes all out of the lineup right now we could use some more Powers. You know what I'm saying?"

It's also been rumored that the Washington Nationals were interested due to their long standing team tradition to have at least one player with a mullet on the team at all times. Although to save money the team might just ask thirdbaseman Ryan Zimmerman to wear a Kenny Powers wig.

A press conference has been scheduled for Monday. While certainly an unorthodox signing it is not without precedent. Earlier this year the Pittsburgh Pirates signed two pitchers from India after they appeared on the reality tv game show "Million Dollar Arm" and Josh Hamilton returned after a three year drug related absence to become an all star. If nothing else this signing shows that Major League teams will go to great lengths to find the best talent available.