Quick, somebody get me Hansel. He's so hot right now that maybe just having him in the same room as me would heat me up. Probably not, but hey, it's worth a shot. If you can't get him I might settle for Kristen Bell since her sizzling photo shoot for this month's Maxim would surely melt the polar ice caps.
Speaking of which, Ms. Bell was supposed to be my Girlfriend of the Week this week but it's so cold up here in Boston that I can't even think of anything other than hot chocolate. It's so cold in fact that it was -11 last night! Walking to my sister's apartment from the train station was a near death experience. It was basically the equivalent of walking a half mile with your head dunked into a bucket of ice. You could just feel your head throbbing as your body temperature dropped to near hypothermic conditions. And yet if there was a football game being played some assclown would have been topless to prove how tough he is. I don't get it.
I also don't get girls who go out to the bars in tank tops no matter how cold it is. I won't name names so let's call this mystery person Heidi. I can say that because she told me last night that the only time she ever read my blog was when I wrote about her for her birthday. Anyway, her and her friend Katie went out last night like it was July. Now I wonder if they have to be treated for frostbite. I don't get it.
Anyway, if you'll excuse me I really should go now and finishing building my igloo.
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