The Kid's Got Jokes

After going to Governor's Comedy Club on Sunday night I've been inspired to take to the stage again. I stayed up late Sunday night hammering out a kick ass routine that is by far better than anything I performed in college and I'm going to perform it once I move down to Florida. Until then here are two really good jokes that I've heard lately. Enjoy.

1. Keep this in mind when you have something to return and the store gives you a hard time:

A woman went to a K-Mart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she had bought because it won't work. The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming . . . "PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!" The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager in front of a growing crowd of customers.

The manager went up to the woman and asked, "Ma'am, what's wrong?" She explained the problem with the toaster, and he told her that he couldn't give her a refund because she had bought it on special.

Once again, the woman threw her arms up in the air and screamed, "PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!" By doing so, the crowd became even bigger! In total shock, the store manager pleaded, "Ma'am, why do you keep saying that?"

In a huff, the woman said, "BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED!!" The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded.

2. And lastly this one titled, 'Barbie':

One day a father gets off work and on his way home he remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy store and asks the salesperson, "How much is the Barbie on the display window?"

The salesperson answers, "Which one?

We have:

Work out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95."

The amazed father asks: "What? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?"

The salesperson annoyingly answers : "Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer and...one of Ken's Friends."