Week In Review

Random thoughts from the last week:

Usually sexual tension exists between two people who don't like each other but still want to get it on. However, I think that all tension can be traced back to sexual tension. Chances are that if two people are fighting with each other or arguing about something it's because they're both wound up tight from not getting any. They might not secretly want to do it with each other but they're lack of play is causing their respective tensions. So you see it all comes back to sexual tension really.

I love how you can spruce up any job to sound more exciting than it really is just by giving it a fancy title. Like rather than call yourself a janitor you say you're a custodial engineer.

When talking on the phone why do people say I'll let you go when it's really them who want to go?

Exactly how much is a kazalion?

I had a great anology when I told a friend who was trying to decide whether or not to go to Ranger school saying, "Ranger school is like the hot blonde you hook up with in college. Sure it's great to say you did it and it makes for a good story but in the long run it doesn't really matter."

In our kitchen's there's a clock on the microwave, on the oven, on the coffee pot, and on almost every other appliance you can think of and yet none of them ever have the same time.

Think I'm a headcase? Here are some recent conversations of mine that prove you right:

1. Damien: I'm hungry

Me: You look like you want Taco Bell.

Damien (Acting excited): Is there a Taco Bell around here?!!

Me: No.

2. Me: How much is the subway?

Mel: $1.25

Me: I hate that. Who carries a quarter with them anyway? I'd rather just pay $2.

Mel: Do you want a quarter?

Me: No thanks I got one.

The New York Post had an article recently that indicated what personality you may have if you eat certain foods. Here's what they had to say about me:

"Men who favor strawberries tend to be insecure and suffer from feelings of inadequacy. They also like to be dominanted."

And

"If you like pretzels, you're over-committed, fad-following, quirky and fun."

I guess you really are what you eat.