As I continue to solidify my plans to go to Florida I realized that I'm going to need a boatload of money to offset the high cost of being a high roller in Boca Raton. The kind of cash that I won't be able to make on a teacher's salary or temping. The kind of money befitting a man whose initials are C for cents and S for the dollar sign.
As such, I've though of a few ways to raise funds. Let me know what you think of these:
1. Craigapolooza - Like Mitchapolooza from Old School except Snoop Dog won't be performing and I won't wind up banging Elisha Cuthbert. Most likely outcome is that I charge $10 at the door and wind up making $20 after only Brian and Russell show up.
2. Sell my body to science - They could do experiments to determine if I really am a direct descendant of Big Foot.
3. Enter a sleep apnea study - Just for Erin.
4. Give multiple 'donations' to a sperm bank - scarry thought isn't it. A bunch of little Craigs running around. Don't worry this scenario is the least likely to happen....or is it?
5. Ask my therapist for my money back - she clearly didn't do a very good job.
6. Collect on all my debts - Ryan Carillo, you cheap bastard, you still owe me $10 from 7th grade fantasy baseball! You may have moved to Connecticut but you can't hide from me!
7. Ask my ex gf to pay me back for all the times I paid for her while we were dating plus interest - should come out to about $3,000!
8. Sell my baseball card collection - but if I get rid of all my Derek Jeter rookie cards what will I masturbate to?
9. Have a garage sale - One man's garbage is another man's treasure.
10. Have a bake sale or car wash - Would get me ready for going back to high school.
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