Olympics Review

To celebrate the lastest installment of the Olympics here's a collection of all my Torino related random thoughts from the last two weeks:

Two weeks of heated competition and I still don't know who won.....the battle to decide if it should be called Torino or Turin.

I feel bad for the athletes who give it their all and have to settle for a silver medal. That's like the really hot girl who does everything right but then has to settle down with a guy who looks like me just so that she can get married and have kids before she turns 40.

Speaking of medals why is first place still gold? To keep up with the times shouldn't it now be platinum?

And is it me or do the new medals look like they just ran out of the old ones and just starting handing out old cd's instead.

Turns out that Chad Hedrick and Shani Davis don't really hate each other. They were just menstrating at the same time.

I heard that Wayne Gretzky was really pissed after the Olympics were over. Not because his Canadian team lost. But rather because he had $100,000 riding on the Finnish team.

I don't think that the brooms in curling actually do anything. I think they're just there to give them something to do while the wait for the stone to get down the ice.

I also don't think that the Olympic athletes are the best in the world at what they do. They're just the smartest. While everyone else was wasting their time playing baseball, basketball, and football they were the ones who said to themselves, "fuck basketball. I'm gonna join the speed skating team. There's no one on that team. There's no way I can get cut!

I heard that the government of Kazakhstan is going to sue Sasha Cohen.

I can already hear Chris Berman referring to two sport star Jeremy Bloom as Jeremy Blooming Onion after he scores his first NFL TD.

Bode Miller is such a mess. He's literally falling apart before our very eyes. In that regard Bode Miller's new nickname should be Mr. Potatoe Head.

Seriously I don't think I've seen someone fall that far that fast since the last time I looked in a mirror.

Miller even pulled an Aaron Boone, twisting his ankle playing basketball.

The best Miller joke of all came from the writers of the Colbert Report who said, "Miller truly is the bad boy of skiing...cause he's bad at skiing.

I think that staircase climbing should be an Olympic sport. Do you have any idea how hard it is to run up or down stairs as fast as you can without tripping. To me anyone who can do that successfully deserves a medal.

Or at the very least there should be some more skill based games that test accuracy. Like, say, Beer pong. Bode Miller could represent the U.S.

Rumor has it that Lindsey Jacobellis who cost herself a snowboarding gold medal by hot dogging one final trick is getting married.....to Rickey Henderson.

Apollo Anton Ohno is a lot like Harry Potter. He only wins when someone else interfers.

I'm kind of sad to see the Olympics go though. Now I have to go back to watching really bad NBC sitcoms like Joey.