Week in Review

Random thoughts from the last week:

The slogan I came up with for Tommy's recent White Water Rafting Trip was a big hit. It read: "When the waters get rough, real rafters never pull out early."

It's amazing how people don't like helping others in an emergency situation. Last weekend when I was in Boston, this guy collapsed and everyone around me was like, 'hey look at that guy over there that collapsed." But nobody did anything. I mean, come on people, I'm not asking you to give a blood transfussion but how about you call for help or something.

How come when we order cold cuts in a deli it's always either a quarter of a pound or half a pound? How come no one ever orders a fith of a pound or a third of a pound?

I'm still waiting for the day when I go to push open a door just as someone is pulling it open from the other side and I fall through. It's almost happened to me like five times this summer.

Whoever said that the average person swallows seven spiders in their lifetime has really freaked me out. More than even the person who said that the bed bugs would bite.

Why do baseball players run the bases with their batting helmets still on? They're called batting helmets not running helmets. I'm not saying they should take the helmets off since they could still get hit with a stray ball on the basepaths. I'm just saying they should be called batting/running helmets.

Why do we need quarters for everything? Laundromats. Parking meters. Gum ball machines. You name it and you need a quarter for it. What does society have against the other coins?

It kind of bothers me that we have to pay to go to the beach. You're basically paying for the right to not be able to sleep that night (sunburn), the right to not want to do anything that night (the sun sapping your energy), and the right to be touching yourself all week (bathing suit chafing). If anything they should be paying you to go.

Billy said that with my recent weight gain I'm half way to offiically becoming George Costanza. Now all I have to do is start losing my hair.

Conan O'Brien had the line of the week when he said the kid who fell onto the backstop screen at Yankee Stadium was actually George Steinbrenner after he realized that the Yankees were five games out.