Off Track Humor

With the transit strike settled I thought it would be a good idea to make light of the situation with some comedic observations about our mass transit system. Enjoy:

How funny would it be if you're just sitting on the subway minding your own business and suddenly a woman just starting hanging upside down from the poll in the middle of the car.

Is it me or does the sound that the door makes when it closes increase in frequency after each time it tries to close? It's almost as if it sounds annoyed that it wasn't able to close the first time.

I hate people who try to squeeze onto an already packed car. Can't they see that there's no room for them? What do they think that somehow they're special and different in some way from all the other assholes who already tried to squeeze in but failed?

And why would you even want to be a 'squeezer'? After getting on you have to stand there knowing that everyone is giving you the evil eye for cutting off their circulation.

I also can't stand runners. If you're in good shape then yeah you could probably run for it and make it. But there are still some people who run even though they're carrying nine bags or weigh 300 pounds. These people should not be running. They're just like the chubby girls who wear tube tops and bare midrifts in the summer.

Why do they call it rush hour if it's longer than a hour?

I now know why they came up with the name straphangers. It's because after riding on a crowded subway for fifteen minutes you want to strap hang yourself.

Is it me or do the yellow safety lines in some new stations look like Legos?

The best part about the winter season is that it forces you to wear gloves on the train thereby protecting you from all the germs that are inevitably there.

Either they made the seats too close together on the new LIRR trains or the obsesity epidemic has hit home.

I love the people who think that they're too cool to hang onto something so they try to shift with the movement of the train like they're surfing but no matter how hard they try they still go flying when the train suddenly stops short.

Do you remember when you were younger and would stay up later than you were supposed to? Just as your parents would come in to your room you would make a quick dash for the bed and pretend to be fast asleep. Well I just wanted to say that pretending to be asleep on the train so that nobody will sit next to you doesn't work quite as well.

Are people that alcohol dependant that they can't make it home without drinking a beer on the train? I mean there's even a bar right in the middle of some platforms. Sometimes I think that Homer Simpson is running the MTA.