Shames on Shames: Holidays

Barry Bonds isn't the only person who can have his own platform from where he self promotes and gives his side of the story. Thanks to blogger.com now I can have my own forum as well. Which is why all week long I'll be giving you all a rare introspective look at my inner thoughts as only I can. It's everything you ever wanted to know about Craig Shames from the man himself.

Up today, Shames on holidays:

I hate this time of the year. Most people, especially in the Northeast, love it because with it comes warm weather and the realization that summer is just around the corner. But for me it means having to put up with holidays, like Passover and Easter.

That's why for me the happiest time of the year is the time immediately following the end of these holidays. If you think about it these are the last religious holidays of the year until Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah in the fall. Which probably explains why summer is my favorite time of the year. The only holiday is the Fourth of July and that's a good one because you get to BBQ and watch fireworks.

There are two reasons why I'm so against the holidays. The first goes back to my picky eating habits which I'll get into later in the week. But basically I don't like holiday food like matzah ball soup, gafilta fish, and chopped liver and therefore dread having to sit around a table why everyone is eating but me. It just makes me uncomfortable to sit there and not eat anything because I begin to think that something is wrong with me for not liking those foods. My self esteem just plummets during those dinner time hours and there's really no point to keep putting myself through that several times a year. Which is why I try to avoid holidays dinners as much as possible.

The second reason is based on principles. You see, I'm not religious and can't stand to waste time on religious matters. I won't go to church or temple unless it's for a wedding and I certainly won't give up an evening or two to celebrate a holiday that I don't believe in. Religion is so pointless and such a waste of time that I wish it had never been thought of. As a species we don't need to believe in all powerful being to verify our existence. We can do that ourselves. We don't need to pray to someone to make things better. We can do that ourselves through hardwork. If you have faith in mankind you don't need to have faith in God.

Most people that I talk to have said that they don't really believe in all aspects of the holidays themselves but go anyway to be with their famalies and have a good time while enjoying good food and spirits. And I'm all for that. That's exactly what holidays should be about. Just minus the religious overtones and traditional foods that I don't like.

What I want to do if I'm ever appointed ruler of the world is to create four big seasonal holidays in place of the ones we already have. If you think about it the holidays that we do have are already seasonal. There's Thanksgiving in the fall, Christmas/Chanukah in the winter, and Easter/Passover in the spring.

What I would do is keep Thanksgiving in the fall since that's not a religious holiday, just a traditional holiday to give thanks for your good fortune. I like the concept of that so that holiday can stay. In the winter I would get rid of chanukah/christmas and replace it with a Seinfeldian Festivus that was open to everyone. Gifts would be exchanged, non religious carols would be sung, and houses and trees would be decorated by everyone. In the spring I would replace easter/passover with a family reunion style event. The other holidays would usually be celebrated with your immediate families but this spring fling event would encourage everyone to come together for larger scale partying. And finally in the summer there would be BBQ's and fireworks but not just for the Fourth of July since that's only an American holiday.

And well there you have it. Four big, non-religious holidays spread out across the year with other holidays like Halloween, Labor Day, President's Day, etc. still in the mix as well to give us plenty of time off from work/school. Now what say you to that?

*Coming tomorrow, Shames on being a picky eater.