Sunday, May 15, 2005

Breaking News: Steriods Scandal Rocks Gamers

Long Island, NY - Following last Saturday's game versus the Tattoo Crew, Gamers manager William Bezouska was suspended for 10 games by ABA commissioner Scott Matson for violating the league's steriods policy.

The 'cream' and the 'clear' made famous from testimony leaked to the San Francisco Chronicle during the BALCO investigations were both found in Bezouska's locker along with a bottle of oral steriods.

According to Matson, Bezouska claimed that the performance enhancing drugs were given to him over the counter by his family doctor to counteract the effects of poison ivy. Bezouska's claims however, fell on deaf ears, because according to several unnamed sources, the Gamers have long been under suspicion of steriod use.

The players that initially came under the most suspicion were Scott Zimmerman, Dave Roll, Johnny Vasquez, Rob Rathbun and Scott Goldsmith.

Roll came right out and denied any wrong doing, saying, "Don't you think if I was using steriods, I would be hitting higher than .077?"

Vasquez apologized but wouldn't say what for. It's believed though that he was apologizing for letting the team down by not bringing Felix back with him this season and not for having used steriods.

Charges were also dropped against Goldsmith after eye witness accounts placed him at Synergy Gym during all 24 hours of operation on the dates in question.

Rathbun still remains in suspicion because his early season offensive production defies logic. He claims that like the Baltimore Orioles Brian Roberts, his production is the result of creatine and not human growth hormones.

After hearing of the suspension handed down to their manager, several Gamers expressed anger at Bezouska for embrodering them in a steriods scandal that may cost them a shot at the playoffs.

LCF Brain Malefttone was quoted as saying, "Billy, it's bad enough that you don't even show up to your own meetings. But now you had to go and bring us all down in this steriods mess. Shameful. Absolutely shameful."

1b Zac Nicholson added, "I hope the poison ivy spreads to your testicles. Although, knowing you it probably already has."

Top hitting prospect Dave Kheel was called up from Triple A Cornell to take Bezouska's roster spot.

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