Rathbun Goes on 15 day DL

Here's another parody article I wrote for the softball blog. I would post more original stuff to this blog but the gamer's blog is taking up all my creative juices. Anyway, I hope you like it...

Oceanside, NY - In a devastating blow to the Gamers playoff hopes, star secondbaseman and clean up hitter, Rob Rathbun, was placed on the 15 day disabled list retroactive to the May 21st games versus the Hurricanes. As a result he will miss the games on June 4th and 11th.

According to Rob's personal website, http://www.youcantgetmeout.com/, he is going on the dl after spraining his right ankle. The injury apparently occured while Rathbun was jumping up and down to celebrate the fact that teammate Rob Roll tagged from first base on his flyball to left centerfield in the fifth inning of the second game, turning a would be fly out into a non batting average reducing sacrifice fly.

However, inside sources tell All Access that the real reason behind Rathbun's trip to the dl is that he had his stomach pumped following an all night drinking binge at the graduation party for teammate Scotty Goldsmith.

Goldsmith had originally promised his guests that there would be two kegs at his party but when partygoers arrived they only found one. That's because Rathbun had stashed the other keg behind a bush in Goldsmith's back yard and made repeated trips to his secret stash throughout the night.

Gamers utily infielder and long time Rathbun confidant, Ken Neidert, said, "I thought it was kind of strange that Rathbun kept leaving to go to the bathroom. But I just thought that he had the runs. I mean, he had been farting all night."

When authorities arrived after receiving a noise complaint from neighbors they found Rathbun and girlfriend, Heidi Holmgren, passed out in a pool of their own urine on the lawn in front of Goldsmith's house.

Nassau County police officer, Raymond Bates, said, "A keg on average holds about 180 drinks. We believe that Rob and Heidi, between the two of them, had about half that many."

After arriving at the hospital, Rathbun reportedly registered a blood alcohol level of .50, while Holmgren registered a normal .06 because her body was used to processing that much alcohol. Authorities say that Rathbun's .50 is the highest BAC every recorded in the United States and that he is lucky to be alive.

Goldsmith, relieved that his best friend is going to make it out of this ordeal alive, said, "Thank god Robbie is going to be okay. I don't know what I would have done without him. From now on I'm going to spend as much time with him as I can because you never know when someone you care about could be taken from you."

When asked if that meant he was going to stop going to Synergy gym, Goldsmith replied, "Oh, fuck no. I just meant that we would spend all our other time together."