My friend Billy fired back at my spoof article with one of his own...check it out:
Long Island, NY - Gamers starting pitcher Craig Shames is the latest name to be added to the steroid scandal consuming the Gamers 2005 season. The recent news is a bizarre development that has many experts scratching their heads.
Shames tested posistive for extremely high levels of Estrogen and Progesterone, two hormones that control the female reproductive system. Speculation is that Shames has been ingesting birth control pills or hormonal replacement therapy for menopausal women, or possibly both.
Scott Matson, ABA Comissioner, spoke to the media this morning, "ABA has strict rules about usage of performance-enhancing substances by its players. Mr. Shames' situation is unique in that I don't believe he was making any effort to actually enhance his abilities. It actually looks like his intentions were quite the opposite... The League is honestly baffled about how we are going to handle this."
Teammate Johnny Vasquez offered some speculation, "I was speaking to Craig just the other day about his sub-warning-track-power. If he could take 15, maybe 20 feet off of his normally weak fly outs... those would be bloop singles."
New addition RCF Scott Zimmerman also offered his opinion, "Craig grounded out pretty weakly to the other team's infielders last week. If he could cut down the speed on those ground balls by a few more MPH, I really think he would have a shot at legging them out."
LCF Brian Malfettone speculated on the possible side effects that the drug use has had on Craig's body, "Craig has been acting like a whiney bitch lately... more so than usual I mean."
Gamers Manager William Bezouska could not be reached for comment.
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