The Gym. What's That?

I went to the gym today for like the seventh time since I joined last January. Not exactly fulfilling my new year's resolution, I know. But hey I'm a busy guy. Luckily today I found some time in between naps to pump some iron as they say. My motivation was simple: to improve my substandard physique in order to impress the ladies. My dashing good lucks and unparalleled wit just wasn't getting the job done anymore.

All I'm going to say is that you know it's been a while since you last went to the gym when they rearrange the place on you. In my case they redid the entire upstairs, moving all the cardio machines up there. The gym I go to is open 24 hours, but even if they were working around the clock you gotta figure that it's still gonna take a week or two to pull off a move of that size. Just goes to show how much I go. In fact, I go so infrequently that I didn't even know which way to hold my card in order to swipe in. For the record you swipe with the words Synergy facing you.

Once I was in and acclimated to the new surroundings I planned out my routine. Fifteen minutes later I was home. I must have ADD or something becasue I get so bored when I'm working out. Three machines and I'm out like a fat kid in dodgeball. With a routine that short the only thing that gets worked out are my eyes as I check out the eye candy in between doing curls with my 10 pound weights.

Occassinally I'll switch to a heavier weight, say 30 pounds, as I did today. But that was only because I saw somebody I knew and didn't want them to see how much weight I normally use.

The worst part about the whole gym experience is that I don't know what I'm doing and I wind up looking like one of those guys with disproportionate body parts. You know the guys with the huge shoulders and small heads. I usually just lift and work out my upper body and as such find myself with chicken legs and a chiseled abdomen.

Just kidding about the chiseled part. The truth is that I used to have a six pack but now I just have a keg. And the worst part is that I don't even drink.

Anyone who says that working out energizes them, doesn't know what they're talking about. It's exhausting. Those damn eliptical machines took a lot out of me. So, if you'll excuse me it's time for my afternoon nap.