Oh, what a crazy (donkey) night it was as me, Brian, and Russell hit up the Crazy Donkey in Farmingdale. Rob was supposed to come out too but he bailed at the last minute. His reasoning: he had a sun burn and it hurt too much to put a shirt on. (haha) For those of you who don't know who Rob is he's a tough guy who dives head first on cement to catch passes in street football. And yet tonight he won't come out because of a sun burn. He's never going to live this down, primarily because I won't let him.
Once we got there we got in for free with free drinks until 11 because Brian's friend Joe, who works for the Jets, hooked us up. I fell in love with one of Joe's friends, this hot little blonde, which could only mean one thing: her boyfriend was on the way and sure enough he rolled up at 10:30 right on cue, i.e. right when I decided that I liked her. Unbelievably that's like the 75th consecutive girl that I've liked that has had a boyfriend. I really know how to pick them.
While sulking about the love of my life leaving me this hot 25 year old model started talking to me and Brian. Well sort of. She came up to me and asked me if I was into computers since I was wearing glasses. I said no not really. What I should have said: yeah and I'm going to go home after tonight and look for you online at a beastality website. But since I didn't want to get my ass kicked I bit my tongue. As the conversation progressed she went on to ask me if I did drugs (I get that a lot) to which I replied: only when I'm sick. I think that proved my nerdiness as she said good bye shortly there after. But not before going off a tangent in which she repeatedly said that, "the devil made her do it" as she took a drink or did a random act. Definitely one of the crazest five minutes of my life.
But it was only the beginning as two of my best friends came out of the closet to me. First, Brian told Russell that he would have sex with him if it meant he could go on to have sex with Halle Berry. Then Russell went up to Brian while he was talking to a girl and tried to cock block him by grabbing his package and squeezing. Trust me those are two visuals that I did not want to have.
From there the night just got even crazier as we spotted a girl sitting by herself crying after getting dumped by her boyfriend. She was a 25 year old teacher who was looking for rebound sex and after five minutes of talking to me she started to walk home. If you can't get a desperate 25 year old who was just dumped and looking to rebound then you might as well retire.
So in one night I was rejected by the only two girls I talked to, found out the love of my life for the night has a boyfriend, and found out that two of my best friends are gay while another gave the lamest excuse ever.
If that's not the craziest (donkey) night ever then I don't know what is.
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