Yankees to Consider Malfettone in Centerfield?

To break up the monotony of non stop Harry Potter posts here is a parody article that I wrote for www.gamersallaccess.blogspot.com:

On Tuesday afternoon Gamers pitcher turned third string catcher Craig Shames nearly drove off the road while listening to a popular sports talk show. That's because 'Phil from Baldwin' called in to address the state of the Yankees centerfield situation.'Phil from Baldwin' turned out to be Phil Malfettone, the father of Gamers lcf Brian Malfettone.

Mr. Malfettone suggested that with the Yankees starting pitching being what it is that they should trade centerfielder Bernie Williams along with reliever Tanyon Sturtze to the Dodgers for sinkerballer Derrek Lowe.

When talk show host Ian Eagle asked Phil who would replace Williams in centerfield, he suggested players like Seattle's Randy Winn, Colorado's Eric Brynes, and his own son, Brian Malfettone who patrols left centerfield for the Gamers, a slow pitch softball team thats plays on Long Island.

Ian Eagle while controlling his laughter asked Phil why he thought Brian would be a good fit for the Yankees. Mr. Malfettone replied, "well you know Iron he's a lot younger than Bernie so you don't have to worry about injury. He's not the fastest guy in the world but he gets a good break on the ball to make up for that. Plus he looks a lot like Andy Pettitte so maybe that will make Yankee fans, who clamor for the good old days, happy."

When hearing of Phil's comments, Gamers manager William Bezouska replied, "why would the Yankees want Brian? We don't even want him. I mean he shows up wearing these shotty sunglasses that he got for $5 in Quick Pick, he carries around all his equipment in a plastic bag from Waldbaums, and he plays the outfield with a tiny infielder's glove that's so old that it came with Ozzie Smith's autograph in it. Honestly, if I didn't know any better I would think he was homeless."

Perhaps then it would be good for Brian to get signed by the Yankees. After all, he could certainly use the money as Gamers shortstop and long time Malfettone confidant Rob Roll can attest to, "The other day I was driving with Brian and his gas tank was below the red line. The light was on and I told him that he should pull over and get gas. But he was like, 'nah, the light's just there to scare you, I can make it another 20 miles before I need to get gas.'"

Gamers second baseman Rob Rathbun added, "The other day I saw him run past me on his was to the outfield and his heels were hanging out of his cleats. I was like, 'Brian do those things still fit you?' He said they did but if I didn't know any better I would say that those were the same cleats he had in little league."

Since there's a greater chance of Shames getting laid than there is of Malfettone getting signed by the Yankees several Gamers have decided to start an equipment fund for Brian. Outfielder Greg Roll said he would consider asking some of the girls in his class to do a car wash at Baldwin High School while first baseman Zac Nicholson said that he will donate proceeds from his next movie to the fund.

Bezouska said that once all the funds have been collected the money we will be given to Rob Roll to buy new equipment on his way to the next game since he's already so good at doing that.

"We just didn't trust Brian enough to give him the money straight up," Bezouska said, "We were worried that he would just go and spend it at the hot dog truck on Sunrise Highway."