Anti - Trust

And no I'm not talking about that crappy ass movie about Microsoft starring that guy from Cruel Intentions who married that girl from Legally Blonde. I'm talking about that incredibly long akward pause on the phone yesterday, surprisingly, since I wasn't even talking to a girl. I was talking to the represetative from the company that I'm consolidating my loans with. He asked me to list two friends as references and I was so taken aback that I told him to call me back. I was speechless. I had no idea who I could trust to put down as a reference.

I thought about saying Brian Malfettone but then I realized that he would just tell them about the time he took me upstate with him and I brought a bag of baby carrots with me or about the time he took me to Mystic, Connecuticut and I made his family eat at a steak restaurant where I ordered a big juicy hamburger then only ate half of it. Not wanting them to think I was some kind of freak, I quickly scratched Brian off the list.

Then I thought about Brian Berkowicz but I was afriad that he would tell them about all the times I fought his sisters in inter-gender hardcore matches. And believe me, the last thing I need is the Chicago Tribune finding out about how I used to beat up girls.

Continuing to think about my Baldwin friends, I considered Russell Martello before realizing that he would probably tell them about the time he and Brian B. hid in my car and scared me as I was about to drive Katie home. I was so rattled that I screamed like a girl, threw my keys up in the air, and ran away yelling to Katie, 'you're on your own bitch.'

So instead I thought of some of my friends from Northeastern. The first person to come to mind was of course, Leigh. But I quickly thought better of that considering of all the examples she could give them about times that I told her off for not calling me back. I then thought about Sean and Chris put they could both tell the loan co. about the time I threw a chair at Erik and destroyed my apartment. Tommy, Salvo, and Sechrist are all out too because of the time I allegedly took credit for starting nushuffle.com in the Northeastern News.

Finally, I considered my new best friend, Whitney, but she would probably tell them about all the times I bailed on her and the last thing I need is for a loan company thinking I'm unreliable and flaky.

So, after going through an old phone book and considering people that I used to car pool to Hebrew School with but haven't spoken to in ten years, I settled on Brian Berkowicz, but only because his name came up first in my cell phone. Let's just hope they don't call him.