Geriatric All Star

Yesterday I went to the Museum of Natural History with Witty Whit and about half way through the day was half expecting to find myself in one of the display cases. That's because I felt like such an old man throughout the day, needing to stop at every bench I passed due to the inability to stand up for more than ten minutes in a row.

Seriously, on most days I feel like a 75 year old trapped in a 23 year olds body and I'm not just saying that because of my non-existent sex drive. I think there's something medically wrong with me but no one will believe me because of all the times I've claimed that I've had ebola when all I had was the sniffles. So since going to the doctor is out of the question and I'm too old to take Flintstones vitamins, I thought I would instead make a list of ways that I resemble an old man. We'll call it blog therapy.

Why I am an old man.....

I can't start my day until I've read the paper.

I think every kid I see between the ages of 8 and 18 is a punk.

I go to bed at 10 pm, even on Friday and Saturday nights.

I like to keep score while I watch a baseball game, even when I'm not at the game.

I wear outfits that only Payne Stewart and your grandfather would think were fashionable.

I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom every fifteen minutes.

Half of my wardrobe was bought in Sears.

I can't buy something unless it's on sale or I have a coupon.

I watch tv with my hand tucked into my pants.

I play mini-golf to work on my short game.

I never go more than 5 mph above the speed limit.

I get winded running down to first base when playing softball.

Grumpier Old Men is one of my favorite movies.

I think 'going out clubbing' means playing golf.